marriage-trapped

And so you jumped into the future
Determined to keep your vow
Determined to be the first to make it
Determined to embrace your now

And that man to whom you promised
Your next eighty years
Never did show up again
As the man once so sincere

Oh, you worked hard, so very hard
After push finally came to shove
To put in all that elbow grease
And add that extra bit of love

And somehow, nothing changed

Nothing

Ever

Changed

And in your quest to prove that you
Were perfect in all you do
And to prove that failure couldn’t happen
And to prove your own value

You stayed

No, you couldn’t fail

You

wouldn’t

fail

This was what you told the wind
That always came so brutally
To so many others in the end

And precision became your savior now
The mask which hid the truth
The truth that says you want to run
Before you come unglued

But perfection can only last so long
When it is based hard on a lie
So to keep the flawless disguise up
You added little ones to your side

Your marriage you knew you couldn’t help
But a faultless mother you could be
You could make yourself be happy now
You could make the world see

That you are the rock that can’t be moved
No, the floods will never win
You are the one with everything
You will make it to the end

But having little ones didn’t change it

And every day the more you tried
To prove how perfect was the ride
The more you were reminded
Just how trapped you were inside

And things became

hopeless

You wanted to run
You wanted to hide
You wanted to leave
You wanted to cry

But none of these things
You could let yourself do
Because none of these things
Were a perfect version of you

Until one night you stood in front of the mirror
And saw in your own eyes nothing but fear
And you thought of your dreams, and your life and your plans
And you thought of your little ones and who you chose for their dad

And you thought of that girl
With her fist in the wind
And the vow that she made
To never give in

But the fear in your eyes
And the tremble in your chin
Was much stronger than any
Tiny fist in the wind

And you let yourself think
Your first non-perfect thought
You let yourself be
Who you’ve proved that you’re not

It’s time, you thought

The words hit you like concrete
They bore into your soul
They streamed from your eyes
They gave you new goals

But before any of it at all
Could set in for long
A new wind showed up
Whispering a new song

The tune was quite cheerless
In fact it was almost pitch black
And did everything it could
To make you take those words back

You cannot ever do this
The wind whispered now
You cannot ever win
The very notion is foul

Where will you land
When you step into the unknown
You’ll fall flat on your face
You’ll lose everything you own

The world will crush you
It will rip you to shreds
It will leave your table barren
It will leave you no beds

There is nothing around you
To ease your great burden
There is no one who will be there
When you become less than perfect

“Shut up!” your thoughts screamed
At this unwanted demon
Who pretended to own you
And pretended to be you

And tears began filling
The corners of your eyes
And you sat down again
And you had a good cry

You were stuck and you knew it
There was nothing to do
You would never be happy
You would always just lose

And just as you almost
Buried your thoughts
And jumped back to the life
That you knew that you ought

And buried your happiness
For the sake of perfection
And gave up your dreams
For a life of rejection

Five tiny fingers rose high in the air
And two great big eyes greeted your stare

“Mommy, why are you crying?”

And a breeze somehow blew
Across your face right then
And it blew through the fingers
Of that tiny child’s hand

And you knew

Exactly

What you had to do

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS. I’ve been wanting to start recording my reading of some of my posts and poems, so I’ve added that to page three if you’d like to listen to it.

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 2 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!