dan-pearce-facebook

Look. Pretty much all of us love Facebook. There’s no reason to lie about that or cover it up. Social networking is a fun and guilty pleasure that makes our lives so much more interesting. I mean, you get it all with Facebook. Drama. Laughs. Blunders. Whining. Romance. Getting on Facebook is like watching a special episode of Days of Our Lives guest-starring Jim Carrey, Betty White, Morgan Freeman, and that one creepy guy that shows up in every movie but no one knows his name.

That being said, some work needs to be done. Facebook has been around for what, eight years now? And as I scroll through my feed I can see that people still really need a quick lesson of how to phrase their status updates so that they don’t bore the world to death.

And I get it. I get that most of our daily lives are completely boring (mine is no different), and that we need to post at least something every day to let the world know that we’re still breathing. I just think we can all do it in a way that, you know, doesn’t suck. Hopefully this little guide helps.

17 Ways to Make Your Facebook Statuses
SO Much Less Boring
1)

When you’re excited about food.

Facebook status you’ve seen a million times:
Stopped at Papa Tony’s and got a couple pizzas for dinner. The kids are looking forward to a night of unhealthy eating!”
The less boring way to update your status:
“Right this second in the back seat of my car (I kid you not) is 200,000 calories that I intend to let my kids devour and not feel guilty about in the slightest.”
2)

When your lover was amazeballs.

Facebook status you’ve seen a million times:
“Oh my gosh. Can I tell you how amazing my husband is? I came home to the dishes done and a clean house!”
The less boring way to update your status:
“Listen ladies, what I’m about to say is going to make you want my hubby. He just cleaned the whole house while I was gone. Please be respectful and know that I can only lend him out to one of you at a time."
3)

When you just broke a sweat.

Facebook status you’ve seen a million times:
“Just ran a 5K, had my best time yet!”
The less boring way to update your status:
“I am a freak of nature. I’m pretty sure my mother was a cheetah and my father was a Ferrari because I just ran the best 5K of my life!”
4)

When you just realized how
bored you currently are.

Facebook status you’ve seen a million times:
“I’m trying to decide what color to paint the baby’s room. Any suggestions?”
The less boring way to update your status:
“I am so bored right now that I’m starting to think about things I normally wouldn’t. Like whether or not it would be pleasant to have a walrus sit on my face.”
5)

When you realize your body is falling apart.

Facebook status you’ve seen a million times:
“Ugh. Results came back from the doctor’s office and all they pointed to were more tests.”
The less boring way to update your status:
“My test results from the doctor left me thinking that one of two things must be true. Either I’m about to be dead, in which case I leave my garbage pail kids collection to my older sister who was always jealous. Or, I’m a serious hypochondriac, in which case she better keep her mitts off.”
6)

When your kid is the cutest ever.

Facebook status you’ve seen a million times:
“I can’t tell you how much I love my little guy. Every day I feel so blessed to be the mother of such an amazing tiny person.”
The less boring way to update your status:
“The big guy in the sky obviously loves me more than you. Why else would he give me a kid like this? I can’t get enough of him! Oh, and are any of you free to babysit Friday night? I really need a parenting break.”
1
2
3
SHARE
Previous articleThe Pillow Spinning Incident
Next articleCreepy People Watching – Episode 1
Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!