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  1. Why did Simba’s dad die? Because he didn’t Mufasa.
  2. Why do women gain weight after they get married? …. Single women come home, look in the fridge, and go to bed. Married women come home, look in the bed, and go to the fridge.
  3. When a cow hears a funny joke, does it squirt milk out its nose?
  4. How many people with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb? … Wanna go ride bikes?
  5. Why does a chicken coop have two doors – if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.
  6. ‘Knock knock’ ‘who’s there?’ ‘Interrupting starfish’ ‘interrupting starfish …’ Put your hand in front of their face to interrupt them.
  7. Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He ate his pizza before it was cool.
  8. What do you call a fish with no eye? Fshhhhh!
  9. What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
  10. What do you call a fly without wings? … A walk!
  11. Why did the chicken cross the road?” “So it could show the armadillo that it CAN be done!
  12. You know, you make Irish bean soup with 239 beans. Do you know why? Because one more would be too farty.
  13. What do you feed an invisible cat? (Evaporated Milk)
  14. What does a cow say? MOO. What does an apathetic cow say? Meh…..
  15. What did the bra say to the hat? …… you go on a head and I’ll give these two a lift.
  16. What did the snowman say to the other snowman? I smell carrots.
  17. Some people think filling animals with helium is wrong but I say whatever floats your goat.
  18. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean?? Bob.
  19. How are baby porcupines made? Very carefully.
  20. How do you kill a purple elephant? With a purple elephant gun.
  21. How do you kill a white elephant? Strangle him til he turns purple then shoot him with the purple elephant gun.
  22. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes a very long time and the light bulb really has to want to change.
  23. Why did the duck go to rehab? Because he was a quack addict!
  24. Irishman #1 ah Mike, me wife is always driving me to drink…Irishman #2 you’re lucky Paddy, me wife makes me walk.
  25. Man says to Dr: I’m a teepee, I’m a wigwam, I’m a teepee, I’m a wigwam. Dr says: Calm down calm down you’re too tents.
  26. How did the elephant hide in the cherry tree? He painted his toenails red. Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? That’s because it works.

OMG, where did you guys get all those?

You made my day. Now for those who are a little more adventurous…

WARNING, the next page is some of the completely inappropriate, politically incorrect, and more naaaaughty ones that you submitted. I laughed at them because I think laughing at the inappropriate jokes of life makes real life and real thinking more enjoyable. These definitely won’t be everyone’s cup of tea.

And if you don’t go to the next page, what’s your favorite short joke ever?

Also, this blog post has been recorded as a podcast.

CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE.

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Previous articleThis is Beautiful You
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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he’s most known for, with more than 2 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It’s an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!