From karaoke night, before my friends ditched out.
From karaoke night, before my friends ditched out.

Not all people watching is epic. Sometimes it’s just creepy.

Have I ever told you all what a lightweight I am when it comes to alcohol? I’m a cheaper date than a four foot nothin’ girl who’s never had a drink in her life. Seriously. Sometimes all it takes is a couple beers, or a glass or two of wine, or a single shot of the harder stuff and I’m drunk as a skunk getting punked.

Anyway, I was at karaoke last Thursday with a big group of friends. One by one they all called it quits and wandered off to their beds somewhere far away from the bar we were having so much fun in. Eventually, all that was left was a few of the regulars and me as I pounded water and sang a couple more on my own. I was a little tipsy, but not too bad.

When my last friends took off around 1 am, almost immediately this creepy looking, fully-mustached, short little chubby drunk Latino came from behind and clutched me softly by the shoulders.

Expecting it to be one of my friends based solely on the friendliness and gentleness of it, I swung around with a smile on my face. Maybe I hadn’t been ditched after all.

Instead I came face to face with this unnerving guy who had just as big a smile on his own face. My own beaming countenance disappeared as I realized I was about to be propositioned. Or murdered. Or worse.

“You want that we do something?” he said. I hadn’t even seen him throughout the night. And I had no idea what he meant by “do something.” He certainly hadn’t been singing any numbers.

“No, I really don’t want to do something.” I attempted to turn back around but he grabbed my shoulder and stopped me.

“I know you,” he said as he did.

Don’t ever grab my shoulder and try and force me to stay and talk to you. I don’t care who you are. Nothing will tick me off quicker. I pushed his hand off rudely. “No, you don’t,” I informed him.

“I seen you and I been watching you.”

I closed my eyes and attempted to gauge my sobriety. I still wasn’t quite there. I could just sit the rest of it out in my car. “You’ve been watching me, huh? Where?” I stood up.

“I seen you and I been watching you.”

I was done. This dude was weirding me out. Big time. I pulled out my wallet to leave the waitress a tip so that I could take off. “Oh no, man, I don’t want your money,” he suddenly said panicked.

“Don’t worry. It’s not for you,” I told him as I laid a crisp fiver on the table. “Take it easy.” I started heading for the door.

“Wait! I know you! You want that I come with you?” he yelled after me and started following me.

I tensed up and slowed. I knew that to keep going would lead to a very unfriendly altercation in the parking lot as I tried to shake this guy.

Then an angel appeared.

My waitress must have noticed what was going on because she got between us and started coaxing this guy to his barstool again. She gave me a nod, I returned it, and was on my way.

As I headed through the door, the last words I heard from this guy were to the waitress. “But I know him,” he said.

Yeah, it was creepy.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS. This blog post has also been recorded as a podcast. You know, if you’re into that kind of thing.

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!