skinny-guyLast week I was at the gym, minding my own business, pretending not to constantly look in the mirror at my huge biceps, when two really, really scrawny younger guys started setting up on a bench press nearby. They were 18 at best.

While bench pressing 65 lbs:

Guy #1: Seriously dude, it’s so messed up that she’s making us come do this. I don’t want to be like those huge guys.

Guy #2: Who? Those guys whose shoulders are so big they’re swallowing their heads? They look like a cross between a turtle and a gorilla.

Guy #1: Yeah, I don’t wanna look like them and I don’t know why she wants me to look like them. That’s why I’m keeping my weight low when we work out.

Guy #2: Yep, I’m sure that’s the only reason. You and me we’re in serious danger of waking up tomorrow looking like muscle freaks with the way we’re going.

They removed five pounds from each side.

While bench pressing 55 lbs:

Guy #1: It’s not that I don’t want to look good. It’s that I don’t think she should base whether she likes me on how much muscle I have.

Guy #2: Look at us man. We both look like starving six year olds on stilts. Maybe she just wants you to not look like you’re imploding.

Guy #1: Shut up, man. You know what I’m saying.

Guy #2: Just saying. If I was a girl, I wouldn’t want to feel like I was going to crush you if we hugged.

Guy #1: What if she said that to you, man? What if she said she wasn’t attracted to you because of how skinny you were? Would you think it was okay?

Guy #2: I’d think she was being honest and I’d start going to the gym, and then when I got more muscle I’d tell her where to go and how to get there and get somebody way hotter than her.

And, this is the point that I think they saw that I was hovering, listening in because they looked at me and stopped talking about anything except the science of lifting weights.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS. This blog post has also been recorded as a podcast. You know, if you’re into that kind of thing.

SHARE
Previous articleMy Final 33 Rules to Not be a Crummy Human Being
Next articleExtremists, Repeat After Me.
Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!