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Yesterday I was at Target and the lines were horrifically long at checkout for some reason. No. Seriously. I’m not exaggerating. They were so bad you’d think I was at Walmart on Christmas Eve. Or at Disneyland trying to get into Splash Mountain. Or at the mall trying to get my autograph cause I’m, like, so hot right now (somebody please recognize me, someday, please!).
I had hardly anything in my cart. A carton of milk. Toaster Strudels. Rockstar Recoveries. Beard dye. You know, bachelor stuff. The average load in each of the 46 carts in front of me was about 392 items, and by how things were going, at least half of those items weren’t ringing up properly or needed manager assistance.
I wanted to go put all my man-stuff away and come back when the impending-apocalypse wasn’t going on, but my beard roots were growing by the second and they were screaming at me to stick with it.
Then behind me hobbles up this old woman and chooses my line to get in. Judging by her meticulously stacked cart, she had gone through a Tetris addiction in the eighties, which probably was during her eighties. Her skills were obviously slacking though because the stack was towering dangerously high.
I looked at her cart. It’d probably take the cashier a good 20 minutes just to beep her stuff through. I looked at my cart. It’d take the cashier a good 50 seconds to beep my stuff through. I looked at the woman. She was old. And she was hobbling. And my brain said, “dude, it’s only a 50 second difference for her.” And my heart said, “dude, it’d make a 50 second difference for her,” which, by the looks of her might be a significant percentage of the life she had left.
I had quite a while to think about whether or not I wanted to be a good person that day, and finally I gritted my teeth and offered to let her go in front of me. She graciously accepted and I let her hobble past, hoping that others would follow suit. No one else did, though (the weenies), and we all moved grudgingly closer to the checkout. I prepared myself to catch her should she drop dead before we got there.
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