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Pulled from the Truth Box – Week 10

Pulled from the Truth Box

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.” ~Philo of Alexandria

After 21 years of self-destructive inner-battles, I finally admitted my biggest secret to myself and to the rest of the world. That day, and the day my son was born, were the two most incredible and wonderful days of my life.

Here on Single Dad Laughing, I started what I call “The Truth Box.” I asked you all to anonymously share a difficult secret that you’ve never told anyone. There were only two sections to fill out on the form. “What everyone thinks is true,” and “what actually is true.” More than five thousand secrets were shared. Every Thursday I share 60 of them here. Completely random and as they came in.

These truths aren’t meant to entertain. They aren’t meant to bring us down, either. They’re just an incredible and poignant (though sometimes heavy) reminder that we all are fighting our own great battles.

Pulled from the Truth Box: Week 10

1
What everyone thinks is true:
I’m miserable and unhappy with my life.
What actually is true:
I’m not. I’m happy and I love my life, but I can’t let my religious family know that because they’ll cut me off.
2
What everyone thinks is true:
I’m shy and reserved.
What actually is true:
I’m terrified that if I say anything at all people will think I’m stupid. Most of my life is lived in silence.
3
What everyone thinks is true:
I am an honest and good realtor who will always treat my neighbors and friends right.
What actually is true:
I didn’t like one of my neighbors so I bullied him out of the neighborhood.
4
What everyone thinks is true:
My Mom is a wonderful woman and I’m lucky to have her.
What actually is true:
She abused me both physically and verbally until I was about 10. Even now I still have a hard time forgiving her.
5
What everyone thinks is true:
I’m happily married.
What actually is true:
While i do love my husband very much, a year after getting married, i fell in love with my female best friend.
6
What everyone thinks is true:
I married for love.
What actually is true:
I married because I had to save my cousins from their abusive mom and was afraid I couldn’t do it alone.
7
What everyone thinks is true:
My ex-husband is a horrible person.
What actually is true:
I cheated on him and exploited his every fault to defelct attention away from my new relationship
8
What everyone thinks is true:
I am a great dad and husband.
What actually is true:
I have cancer and not even my wife knows.
9
What everyone thinks is true:
That I am happy person and wonderful mother.
What actually is true:
I take depression and anxiety medication just to make it through each day.
10
What everyone thinks is true:
That I am an atheist.
What actually is true:
I don’t know if I truly doubt his existence, or if I’m just incredibly angry with God after my struggles to get pregnant and my subsequent miscarriage.
11
What everyone thinks is true:
That although I don’t go to church and I often criticize my religion, I’m still a Catholic and believe in Catholic dogmas.
What actually is true:
I don’t believe in those things anymore, I believe God permeates everything and I feel attracted by Buddhism.
12
What everyone thinks is true:
That Im a happy wife and mother.
What actually is true:
I love hubby but only in a friendship sort of way. I think I’m a lesbian but am too afraid to come out and lose everything.
13
What everyone thinks is true:
I have been diving with Great White Sharks.
What actually is true:
It’s just one of the many stories I’ve made up about my boring life.
14
What everyone thinks is true:
My late husband was a terrific husband and father.
What actually is true:
He emotionally, physically, and sexually abused me and my 4 children and I was relieved when he killed himself.
15
What everyone thinks is true:
I’m a good girl, true to my religion and beliefs.
What actually is true:
I am a kleptomaniac, I have sex all the time outside of marriage and love it, and I smoke weed with my friends from time to time.
Continued on next page.
83 comments
TwistedMiss
TwistedMiss

The most amazing thing is, when I read these each week, I realize how two things can be true at once.  I love these Dan.  I hope when you run out, you ask us for more.  They remind me to strive for truth even when it's hard, even when I can't, to always strive.


Mimi Jones
Mimi Jones

I can appreciate what you all are saying, and I think this is a good thing. However, knowing that so many people cheat and are horrible to their spouses makes me never want to get married.

AshleyC521
AshleyC521

It's almost scary how many of these I can relate to.

Mary Hills
Mary Hills

So sad the lives people are living most hate themselves if they could find Jesus they would have a friend to talk to he already knows you and loves you faults and all he died for you all he wants is for you to trust in him he really does answer prayers all you need to ask and believe in him

AllYouNeedIsLove
AllYouNeedIsLove

#52 - Talk to her!!!! What if she's eying you and too shy? You may be passing up on the best thing that will ever happen to you! Do it! :-)

free2roam
free2roam

@1

You know best how to deal with your family but God wants you to be happy, you know it..clap your hands. (I couldn't resist)

LizBulmer
LizBulmer

@ #59: I feel your pain. I am a SAHM by choice, but get soooo lonely. I have started to substitute at a daycare and I have paired up with 2 other SAHMs (through the kids program at the library) who feel EXACTLY the same way we do. Get out and find others like you! You aren't alone and I was surprised at how easy it was for me to find others in the same boat. Hope I helped...

Steve1212
Steve1212

#21 I respect your honesty and send you my thoughts and prayers, but please resign. The Bible, even if you don't believe in it, your people do and false teachings is wrong. Do you want to take their souls away from the God they believe in just because you don't? Im a gay baptist so I know the struggles with this, but this affects people's souls and if they are truly Christian they will support you resignation. With Love. I wish you the best.

Lookingforward
Lookingforward

I am grateful for the truth box, because it shows that we are all human, and everyone is facing some challenge, and/or difficult things in our lives, whether they were brought on by our own mistakes or not. This is baggage that is carried around by people every day. I don't feel that The Truth Box is a "Pity Party" for anyone involved. I think recognizing it, owning it, and saying it, (even anonymously), can be the first step to finding who we truly are, who we want to be, and ultimately finding our own true happiness. This is our place to come together as humans to support each other. Not our place to judge.

monzo
monzo

from reading all these truths from every set of posts it is abundantly clear that religion is messing up alot of people

#1 is confused

#3 is not a nice person

#7 is not a nice person

#8 why wouldn't you tell your wife you have cancer?

#11 why not tell the truth?

#18 why not tell your husband you were a virgin? most men would be beside themselves to know that

\#25 not a nice person

#51 you need to leave him NOW!!!

there are many truths here that are disheartening especially those that were abused in some way...i hope they can find some help

there are also many truths that are self created...i have no sympathy for those people


mdrlnya
mdrlnya

Thanks Dan :) We all need to feel like we belong and like we're suffering together (and celebrating together, but have Facebook for that!) The Truth box is powerful! I finally shared my truth today...

Sheryl Tenney Cade
Sheryl Tenney Cade

I am really glad you do this, Dan. We all have secrets that we want to keep hidden and that causes so much anguish inside. We think we are all alone in our struggles, but reading these help to show that no one is perfect and we shouldn't put so much pressure on ourselves thinking that everyone else is doing "so much better".

Lisa Concidine
Lisa Concidine

All these wonderful people need emotional healing. From my experience, don't be afraid to love yourself, when you love yourself, you love life. And life opens up to love you back. It's okay to "lose things/people/a way of life" in a change because what was lost is nothing compared to your bliss and a new adventure. And in time, none of that is really lost to you.

Kim Taylor
Kim Taylor

This is a tremendous gift that you offer, here. Secrets keep you sick. Having a safe place to identify & leave a secret can be instrumental in someone recognizing they might need help. Bless you for this!

HannahJane
HannahJane

Love #50! Still haven't seen mine yet....

Hannah Stewart
Hannah Stewart

I know its bad, but its makes me feel a bit better that Im not alone in my misery.

Samantha Beekman-Sichmeller
Samantha Beekman-Sichmeller

I am torn reading these... It's nice to know that people struggle with inner truths as everyone does. But my heart breaks for the weight they carry on a daily basis.

Lyuba Allenivna Marchenko
Lyuba Allenivna Marchenko

There are some secrets which should remain secret. I do NOT tell people everything about me. It's none of their damn business.

Gretchen R. WhoDat Chateau
Gretchen R. WhoDat Chateau

I know someone whose secret is factually similar to a few I've seen on here, although I have no way of knowing if that's who it is. I hope, at least, she sees those entries and knows she is not alone.

Kathryne Brownlow
Kathryne Brownlow

We are as sick as our secrets. It's best to be open and honest.

Kenna English
Kenna English

(Psyco)babblingMommy sent me and I love you already!

NancyLafreniere
NancyLafreniere

#9 - i'm a SAHM and i think the world of my kids! I do a lot of volunteer work alongside my own illnesses; but where i fault is evgs in eating whatever whenever.. no limit.. and i NEED to lose weight! But as i'm single - who cares? I guess i'm thinking I should.. but i dont.. 

KJR
KJR

#59 really touched my heart. I am a SAHM who loves her children very much, but on so many more days than not they get on my nerves so much that I wish I had a job to go to.

Katie Bee
Katie Bee

@monzo Not everything is so black and white. There is a lot about these people you do not know. This post is not about judgement or for sympathy. It is a way to remind people we are not alone. People do not need this judgement from you. Just because they do something that may not be right in your eyes, doesn't mean they are automatically not a nice person.

KJR
KJR

@monzo Are you a cruel and insensitive person or are you just a know-it-all? Sometimes these things are not as cut and dry as you'd make them out with your rudeness.

HarryBaer
HarryBaer

@monzo - Those who lack sympathy (or better yet, empathy) often find that no one has any for THEM when they need it. As almost everyone does eventually.  


Something to consider the next time you judge so many so harshly. 

HarryBaer
HarryBaer

@Hannah Stewart Not bad - human.  Few people truly want to be alone; we're just built that way, mostly. 

PatrickFarley
PatrickFarley

@Lyuba Allenivna Marchenko No one is making you share, nor read the secrets posts.  For some, it helps to share, even anonymously.


justme
justme

@KJR  and #59 I am a SAHM and I do choose it, I think it is what I was meant to do, but I am so lonely and isolated and bored I want to  cry (and I am right now).  I don't find as much meaning as I feel I SHOULD in staying home.  I am SICK of doing the dishes and laundry for everybody else and I look forward to ANYTHING that will break the monotony AND give me a chance to be alone.  When I find other SAH moms I feel as if they are "all that" and I am not... we have very low income and they are always out doing things and being such poster mothers and sometimes I am just too depressed to want to do anything.  On top of it, I am the worst housekeeper ever.  My house is the opposite of a model home.  I am completely overwhelmed and I sure am here enough to DO IT!  

free2roam
free2roam

@HarryBaer @monzo I don't think, no, monzo was NOT being UNsympathic but if you read some of the blogs here like I didn't, I know he/she was right on point with the ones he pointed out.  I wouldn't have said #1 was confused but I wouldn't have deprived my happiness for the sake of family.  And the rest, #s 3, 7, 25 - really?!  You called their action okay?!  Now with #7 I just don't get it.  Why would you do that?  That's harassment pure and simple.  And with #8, I agree why wouldn't you tell your wife what's going on?!  Now THAT is some serious stuff that shouldn't be taken lightly.  He needs support!  And with #51, he/she was expressing sympathy!  If she wants to stay alive she DOES need to leave.  A lot I can identify with and some I can't and other I'm like, okay now what?!  But Monzo was NOT judging but being realistic with some of the comments here. Talk about judging harshly.  Why don't you reread on what was being and why some have answered the way they did before YOU go judging.  

monzo
monzo

@HarryBaer @monzo for some of the truths on all these blogs sympathy is not the answer...the truth is...plain and simple

therer are some do not deserve other's sympathy

giving someone sympathy for a truth that they created for themselves is not helping them


HarryBaer
HarryBaer

@PatrickFarley Truly and wisely said.  It's not for us to decide what other people may say.  Don't want to read it?  Then don't; no one forces anyone to load up this site. 

KJR
KJR

@justme Sometimes it helps to know others are not as perfect as those SAHM's and SAHD's that appear like they have it all together! If you saw my home you'd know you aren't the worst housekeeper ever! LOL! The days that are my worst are days like yesterday that I am cleaning up one huge mess

monzo
monzo

@free2roam @HarryBaer @monzo thank you free2roam...you wrote what i have a problem fortraying to others

i also have a daughter that was abused and raped...not by me

i assure you if i knew who it was i would be in jail right now....she chooses not to tell me for just that reason

so there's some real truths

i'm not judging... only by what was stated in these blogs...i'm only stating truths

monzo
monzo

@HarryBaer @monzo read what i wrote...never did i say none of these truths deserve no sympathy...some deserve a great amount sympathy...

i have a son that is bipolar/psychophrenic...have you ever had a son that is so distraught that he wants to kill himself and doesn't recognize you when you're standing right in his face?

not everyone deserves sympathy


HarryBaer
HarryBaer

@monzo @HarryBaer If you truly believe that there is anyone out there who deserves no sympathy, then I pity you.  A person who lacks compassion...well, I couldn't live that way.  Perhaps you can.  Forgive me, though, if I hope we never meet. 

monzo
monzo

i judge only by the statements presented to me

i have always lived by "do unto others as you would have them do unto you"

so...by theory on these blogs we should feel bad for the person that bullied their neighbor out?why?

i'm callin it...BULLSHIT!!

lngrid
lngrid

@KJR The author is one of my favourite bloggers (she's also Dan's current fave so I'm sure he won't mind me "plugging" her).  Check out Momastery.com if you're looking for a group of not-perfect moms/parents trying to hold it together by upholding each other.  This is another one of her great posts (which deals with being a SAHM), but really, I pretty much drop whatever I'm doing to read what she posts :)

http://momastery.com/blog/2013/02/04/friendly-fire-3/

KJR
KJR

@lngrid Thanks! That was a good read! I am enjoying my Kairos time right now sitting in my son's room listening to his sleepy breathing knowing he will sleep at least another 4 hours before his cold congestion wakes him up again.

KJR
KJR

@Amyb108 I became a SAHM after I was terminated for being put on medical leave/bed rest 1/2 way into my pregnancy. It started out not being my choice. I sued my employer and now am kind of a pariah in my field. With the recession most companies don't even hire my position anymore. I have to start an entirely new career if I want to work and still be able to afford child care.

Amyb108
Amyb108

@Kris @lngrid @KJR I am at stay at home mom, NOT by choice. I was laid off 3 years ago, and can't find anything. I HATE feeling guilty spending money that I didn't make, I hate being home all day. I think a lot of us feel like this, just know that you are not alone.


Kris
Kris

@lngrid @KJR I wanted to say thank you for the article!!! I feel this way a lot. I am also a SAHM but my baby dady also is home often. Tho I feel more alone when hes here then when hes not I really do appreciate the article!!! :)