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Pulled from the Truth Box – Week 8

Truth Box

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.” ~Philo of Alexandria

After 21 years of self-destructive inner-battles, I finally admitted my biggest secret to myself and to the rest of the world. That day, and the day my son was born, were the two most incredible and wonderful days of my life.

Here on Single Dad Laughing, I started what I call “The Truth Box.” I asked you all to anonymously share a difficult secret that you’ve never told anyone. There were only two sections to fill out on the form. “What everyone thinks is true,” and “what actually is true.” More than five thousand secrets were shared. Every Thursday I share 60 of them here. Completely random and as they came in.

These truths aren’t meant to entertain. They aren’t meant to bring us down, either. They’re just an incredible and poignant (though sometimes heavy) reminder that we all are fighting our own great battles.

Pulled from the Truth Box: Week 8

1
What everyone thinks is true:
All gay men are promiscuous sex machines.
What actually is true:
I’m gay, male, tall, confident, handsome and muscular but I haven’t had sex in 15 years…
2
What everyone thinks is true:
I am happily married and in crazy love with my husband.
What actually is true:
I am attracted to women and suspect I may actually be a lesbian.
3
What everyone thinks is true:
that im strong
What actually is true:
im really weak
4
What everyone thinks is true:
People think I am a giving person.
What actually is true:
I am really very selfish, but good at hiding it.
5
What everyone thinks is true:
I love actively volunteering at my kids’ school.
What actually is true:
I hate it and am so burnt out by it, but nobody else helps and I am trapped into it.
6
What everyone thinks is true:
I’m mentally stable
What actually is true:
I’m bipolar
7
What everyone thinks is true:
I’m just so busy with my kids that I don’t have time for friends and I’m OK with it.
What actually is true:
I am crippled by social anxiety and have pushed away everyone because of it – and I’m incredibly lonely.
8
What everyone thinks is true:
I’m a regular gay guy
What actually is true:
I’m into S&M
9
What everyone thinks is true:
I love having sex with my wife.
What actually is true:
I have never actually seen my wife naked. She won’t have sex with the lights on and we hardly ever have it.
10
What everyone thinks is true:
I used the pill and a condom and my daughter was a miracle birth.
What actually is true:
I missed the pill and no condom was used.
11
What everyone thinks is true:
People think I’m cold, a snob.
What actually is true:
I am painfully shy, and unbelievably lonely.
12
What everyone thinks is true:
That I eat really healthy food.
What actually is true:
I eat fast food and junk food. A lot.
13
What everyone thinks is true:
People think I’m outgoing and friendly.
What actually is true:
People scare the shit out of me and my greatest fear is rejection.
14
What everyone thinks is true:
I detest cheaters, since i have been cheated on.
What actually is true:
I have cheated in every relationship i have been in.
15
What everyone thinks is true:
Everyone thinks I’m slutty.
What actually is true:
I want someone to treat me like a princess.
Continued on next page.
61 comments
justme
justme

#20  All I have to say is God bless you.

Eilena
Eilena

#55: I'm in the same boat, but not afraid of being judged... except by my family. The only people who don't know are those who would probably pass on the gossip. 

modernmom23
modernmom23

I broke up with a great, traditionally Catholic man because he had a small penis and lousy in bed.  And I told him it was because he was becoming to possessive.

AllYouNeedIsLove
AllYouNeedIsLove

#18 - I have been with more than one guy who had, what would probably be considered, a "small" penis. Let me assure you... No woman worth ANYTHING is going to laugh at you. Actually, the best sex of my life was with one of those guys. It's because he was intent on making sure I enjoyed myself. He focused on me, and I was open with him about what I did or did not enjoy. If you find a good woman, one that you have a mutually honest relationship with, go for it!!!! Really, we don't think about it as much as you do. :-)

#31 - get help!

Robbies momma
Robbies momma

#30 - I could have written this.  I married a non-member and we lived together before the wedding!  I ma judged all the time and I really don't care anymore.

Robbies momma
Robbies momma

#39 - I could have written this.  I am sorry you have had the same experience.  My abuser went to jail (got a whopping 5 years) and while the trial helped and I have been married for 11 years the weight stays as it is still my "safe zone".  Gentle hugs.

going4fit
going4fit

I cannot begin to tell you how many of these I could have written. Oh my gosh.......

Zebo
Zebo

I was starting to wonder, reading these posts, if there is an opposite to "Skeletons in the Closet" and whether there is a blog somewhere where I can go to read them (you know - the happy things that everyone knows or should know about us all)... because I sense that these comments are skewed and the overall theme is so sad and negative (as most secrets are prone to be, else they wouldn't be secret).

Socially - we tend express empathy, concern and support for people who are suffering. And yet, it seems that, far too often, people that are genuinely successful, happy, and well adjusted are looked upon with scorn, told to shut up, or considered amorally boastful. We, as a society ought to champion those who do well - in addition to focusing on helping those in need.

Kerry Spratley Sullivan
Kerry Spratley Sullivan

It seems like it's just the same stuff over and over again. If you're getting thousands of submissions, how about some variety?

monzo
monzo

i honestly can't identify with any of these statements...i keep no secrets...i don't play games with people...i say what i mean and i mean what i say...i always do the right thing....just once i don't want to do the right thing...there's the closest thing i have to a truth...never realized people were this distraught in their lives...i feel for you

honestly though i just don't see the logic in some of these truths...STICK UP FOR YOURSELVES!!!!

Second_Pancake
Second_Pancake

I relate most to the posts about others seeing such a "strong" person and relying on you as the "rock" in their life, but in reality, being vunerable, feeling weak and out of control and suffering from depression.  I was diagnosed bi-polar and have been on medication as well as seeing a counselor for over 2 years now but it doesn't keep the depression out entirely.  Those that know me best and have lived with the 'rollercoaster' say I'm unstable, that I "choose" to be negative and do not understand how I can let things bother me so much.  I lost a marriage because of it and while I know that I shouldn't be with anyone who refuses to understand the illness and help me, I still put myself down and think I could've done things differently.

I wake up every morning and have to literally look for things to be happy about despite all the adversity I've had to recently overcome.  People really do not understand what it is like living this way.  They think you can just think it all away or "buck up" when in reality the illness is no different than having severe high blood pressure, or diabetes in that you have to physically choose to live differently just to stay alive.

leigh82
leigh82

Number 26 -- I felt that way too. I was able to get help and finally start to feel less depressed. I hope you do too. 

Rixanne
Rixanne

Two really resonated with me.  The girl who got married because everything was paid for and she didn't want to upset her parents instead of choosing to be with her ex, wow.  It reminded me of what I was like before I found my voice and ability to be me.  I still struggle with it to this day, especially when it comes to my parents, and I'm 48.

The other one, the mom who said she probably would have killed herself recently if she didn't have kids.  I feel you big time.  I can't tell you how many times when I was raising my kids in an abusive marriage, that I had to grip the steering wheel when I was alone in the car, just to stop myself from accelerating it off of a cliff.  I became fearful of driving alone it happened so often.  I just couldn't do that to my kids, and no one could take care of them as well as I could....plus I'd be leaving them with my abuser.  

All of you, hang on, hang in there, you took a step toward truth...which is a step toward happiness.  Take another one.  Just a little one.  *hugs to all*

Copperfox
Copperfox

The truth box is beginning to make me feel more alone. While there are a lot of truths I can relate to most are centered around the same general themes. I haven't seen one truth that is at all similar to my truths.

Mandy Muschler-Wissmann
Mandy Muschler-Wissmann

Great post! I enjoy all of your articles, but have to ask why you make them multiple pages? That drives me bananas (off topic, I know)

Apt42
Apt42

Misery through marriage seems a common thread here.  I wonder if more people aren't actually hurt by the institution of marriage, than benefit from it.  There are so many who are miserable in their marriage, and so many who go through miserable divorces, and so many who are miserable because they can't find someone to marry.  What if everyone just loved everyone else unconditionally - meaning no behavioral expectations or rules?  What if people could commit to stick with each other while they raise their children, without the sense of being trapped by this legal status?  And if you want to stay together longer, great!  Would that give us more freedom?  Doesn't freedom give us more joy?  I'm not saying I'm there yet.  Unconditional love is hard - seems something that only God and Dog has mastered.  I probably don't love myself that much.  I DO have needs and expectations that I want others to fulfill.  But what if?

ValerieBarlowHorton
ValerieBarlowHorton

#52 Actually comes very close to my situation. We are swingers and very happy in the lifestyle! We started just going to clubs and not even doing anything with anyone else but then things just progressed! We have so many good friends that we would not have made otherwise and have some great times with them even when sex isn't involved! There is such a stigma involved with swinging and no one really knows the truth. In my ever so humble opinion what my hubby and I do with other consenting adults is no one else's business. BTW you would be surprised at the kinds of people who are swingers so my advice is "don't judge".

amckaig
amckaig

#18 A real woman will love you for who you are, not your penis size. Take a chance. Everyone deserves love!

smilingbird
smilingbird

"I lost my faith years ago – I’ve only recently been confident enough to say that out loud."  So glad you're feeling confident about your thoughts and feelings.  I hope you get a chance to explore them and find a place that's comfortable for yourself.

"way to often I’m the yelling, screaming, losing my cool and being an asshole to my little kid mom. I’m MY mom, and I hate myself for it."  I hear you.  You put it so well.  I try to catch myself, take a deep breath, or walk away.  Sometimes it works. Sometimes I just have to feel bad, forgive myself, and try to do better next time.  With the older kids, I sometimes come back when I'm calmer and talk it out with them - why I behaved badly, that I regret it, and how we might work together to handle it differently in the future.   We're all works in progress, doing the best we can.

BethHansenLawrence
BethHansenLawrence

It's scary how much I saw of myself in some of these, and it really bothered me. I cried for some of these posters...

free2roam
free2roam

#13  I feel the same way.  If no ones talking to me then it's rejection but on the flip side of that, if they are listening to me too closely I feel like I'm making a fool out of myself.

Monica Mahsa Moussighi
Monica Mahsa Moussighi

So many of these are relatable by so many people. This was a great idea, to show those afraid of their thoughts/feelings/emotions that they are not alone.

Bryce Johnson
Bryce Johnson

I can't wait till mine is posted... Just so its out to the world. It's this dying thing that I need off my shoulders but something I can't tell a single soul.

Hannah Jane
Hannah Jane

Every week, I brace myself to see mine. But fortunately, it is no longer a secret anymore! And I'm very happy about that.

Meg  Michelle
Meg Michelle

It helps to know your not the only one that feels the way you feel.

dawni
dawni

@Zebo

Why don't you start one? I know I sometimes feel like I have no one to share certain successes with, and I wish I could shout them to the world!

justme
justme

@monzo When I was a kid I was like that.  I found joy in doing the right thing... until it got shamed out of me by my peers.  I say, God bless you for staying true to yourself  I wish I had.

barefootmama0709
barefootmama0709

@monzo "The right thing" is subjective. Your point of view is going to affect what you think is "right"; so that statement really has no meaning. 

ValerieBarlowHorton
ValerieBarlowHorton

@monzo So you have never once kept a secret or told even a white lie? I think you are not being truthful here. People keep things to themselves and not all secrets are bad or harmful to others. It may be as innocent as saying you like a gift when you really don't just to keep from hurting the giver's feelings. How about something that you did when no one was around that might prove to be embarrassing should it come out.

The first step to "sticking up for yourself" is admitting that you are keeping a secret, first to yourself then to whomever else it might affect. Sometimes there is no one else. Have compassion for those in pain.

Nikk
Nikk

@Copperfox Maybe you should put your truths in there.  You might be surprised that they are truths that other people have but have been too scared to put in.  Even anonymity doesn't conquer fear in every case.  By putting your truths in the box you might help others open up about theirs.

knightndaze
knightndaze

@Copperfox Put yours in? Perhaps it will start the ball rolling. I think people see the themes and think "me too" and add theirs, y'know?

Zebo
Zebo

@Apt42  I was wondering a similar thing before I read your post, but had come up with a different answer: It's worth remembering that this is a curated list of secrets. You commented that "there are so many who are miserable in their marriage" but there's no way to statistically compare the misery on this blog to the overall joy that is experienced by those not reading (let along posting) here. This is not a representative sample. Nor is there a way to compare this instantaneous snap-shop to the overall life-long joy that does (in some cases) result despite the occasional pain.

But yes, there should be a lot more love with a lot fewer expectations (self imposed or externally applied).

Allwaysjust2bme
Allwaysjust2bme

@Apt42 Your right the definition of marriage needs to be reevaluated.  I watch a lot of my friends be miserable in their marriages and often wonder what to tell them when they start telling me that I should find someone soon before I become a spinster.  Thing is I want someone who will want me.  I see to many people get married for all the wrong reasons. Then let peer pressure or other issues get in the way.  For other friends it was they wanted someone to take care of them, or they felt it was needed to be considered an adult and that they could change what they didn't like about their spouse.  For me that was a problem in bad relationships before, the guy felt he had to teach me how to be a goo girlfriend. So anytime I start to feel that some one is starting to put a box or label my way, I bolt.  

12voltman
12voltman

@amckaig You may also be wrong. I have gone through most of my life thinking I was very small and being very self conscious about my size. Going to numerous lengths to never be seen. I finally had the courage to mention my fear to a GF and was told I am not small. I was told the same by 2 other woman. However, I still have concerns about it and am still very self conscience. 

Love is louder
Love is louder

@amckaig Most every girl I've talked to doesn't really care about size, actually. I think it's something guys use to compete with each other. Kind of like most guys don't actually care if we're a size 2 or a size 12 or something. It's the confidence that matters.

Hepburn82
Hepburn82

@amckaig I agree! I was in love with a man with a small penis, it didn't matter to me. Turns out I wasn't good enough for him. 

GwendolynLeVasseur
GwendolynLeVasseur

@free2roam I feel the same way but never told anyone-and i keep hearing that i am too much of a cold bitch to have friends -even my husband has said it


monzo
monzo

@justme @monzo best thing i ever got from my father was one statement..."Who cares what other people think."

monzo
monzo

@ValerieBarlowHorton @monzo problem is...i keep no secrets...i haven't lied since i was 8 yrs old...never lied to my wife...oh wait, does santa claus count? then yes i have lied oh yeah don't forget the easter bunny and tooth fairy

i have nothing to be embarrassed about

i always do the right thing...although i wish i wouldn't just once...there's another truth

i have no truths that could ever come close to the ones that have been posted here

Copperfox
Copperfox

@nikk My truths have been in the "box" for weeks. Just waiting for Dan to get to it. 

SillyMe
SillyMe

@monzo @SillyMe @ValerieBarlowHorton

Just to clarify... I didn't say you said any truths were less relevant. I said that YOUR truths are not "less relevant" because they may not be as dramatic.

monzo
monzo

@SillyMe @monzo @ValerieBarlowHorton never said their truths are less relevant...many of the truths in all the posts are self created...you have to be true to yourself first...if some people don't come along with you then they weren't needed to begin with

doing the wrong thing refers to something as simple as not cleaning up after myself

SillyMe
SillyMe

@monzo @ValerieBarlowHorton That is twice you said "I always do the right thing....although I wish I wouldn't just once" I feel the same way...but I am curious as to why YOU feel that way. 

You are fortunate to be able to tell people how you feel without the fear  keeping you from doing it. That is not a common trait that most people have. Only because most people have  certain fears and concerns. Whether it be personal safety, rejection, don't want to hurt someone with their opinion, self preservation...really the list of fears or concerns can be as unique as the people who have them. 

You are fortunate to be able to overcome those fears and concerns and not let them effect you. 

You also stated "i have no truths that could ever come close to the ones that have been posted here" Just because yours may not be as dramatic, doesn't mean they are any less relevant. 

RoxanneFlores
RoxanneFlores

@Copperfox I feel the same way. It's like the only ones he wants to post are about swingers, people trapped in a marriage, and depression.