Sorry. You missed your chance.
And I know that sounds bad. But hear me out.
You missed your chance to fall for a guy who was so broken that he didn’t know who he was.
You missed your chance to fall for a guy who was trapped inside of a life of beliefs that weren’t really his.
You missed your chance to be the first Ex Mrs. Dan Pearce because with who I was, there was no way a marriage was ever going to work.
You missed your chance to watch me gain major amounts of weight to compensate for my depression.
You missed your chance to watch me yo yo through my eating disorders.
You missed your chance to hear about everything I loved but didn’t really love at all because I was more worried about what other people thought than I was about my own happiness.
You missed your chance to fall for a guy who thought he was unlovable by anyone worth loving.
You missed your chance to fall for a guy who would get attached to anyone should they pay even the slightest bit of attention to him.
You missed your chance to be with someone who lacked the courage to make a move, go in for a kiss, hold your hand, or even give the slightest hint that he liked you.
You missed your chance to do a lot of things. That’s for sure.
And thank God for that. Thank God we all get the chance to grow out of who we once were and to become new people. Life gives us all the opportunity to shed our demons, hold onto the good parts of us, and become reinvented. Constantly.
You missed your chance for the more sad, bad, and mad parts of me, but if for some reason you are someone who falls for me now, you didn’t miss out on any of the good parts of me. Because those parts haven’t changed. If anything they’ve gotten better.
You didn’t miss out on my ability to make you laugh.
You didn’t miss out on my want to cherish you and treat you right.
You didn’t miss out on my work ethic and my belief that I am my own man who can make his own life.
You didn’t miss out on the part of me that constantly saw the injustices that go on in the society and community that surround me.
You didn’t miss out on the devoted friendship I have always so freely given.
You didn’t miss out on my love to woo and wine and dine you.
You didn’t miss out on my talents, and my passions, and my gifts.
You didn’t miss out on your chance to fall for a guy who is stubborn enough to stand up against what he thinks isn’t right.
You didn’t miss out on your chance to fall for a guy who loves children and old people.
You didn’t miss out on your chance to fall for a guy who cared enough about you to be honest and faithful.
Those parts of a person remain constant when they’re sincere, and they were part of me then like they are now.
Oh, I’m sure fifteen years from now I will be making a new list, contrasting the person I am now compared to the better, more balanced person I am then.
I hope I do.
The only difference is that right now I’m glad that the person I’ll spend the rest of my life with wasn’t there during the roughest parts of my past. I’m glad I didn’t drag her through that. I hope that the next time I write this list, I am standing beside the person who was there teaching me what a person can’t possibly teach themselves. I hope that I’m looking back thinking, I’m so glad I didn’t miss my chance to be with them and learn and become as much as I have.
Just some random thoughts.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. This blog post has also been recorded as a podcast. You know, if you’re into that kind of thing.