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Sorry, You Missed Your Chance.

dan-pearce-missed-chanceA few months ago, I bumped into an old friend from my earlier years, and she for some reason said to me, “I should have fallen for you in high school!”

Yeah right.

Sorry. You missed your chance.

And I know that sounds bad. But hear me out.

You missed your chance to fall for a guy who was so broken that he didn’t know who he was.

You missed your chance to fall for a guy who was trapped inside of a life of beliefs that weren’t really his.

You missed your chance to be the first Ex Mrs. Dan Pearce because with who I was, there was no way a marriage was ever going to work.

You missed your chance to watch me gain major amounts of weight to compensate for my depression.

You missed your chance to watch me yo yo through my eating disorders.

You missed your chance to hear about everything I loved but didn’t really love at all because I was more worried about what other people thought than I was about my own happiness.

You missed your chance to fall for a guy who thought he was unlovable by anyone worth loving.

You missed your chance to fall for a guy who would get attached to anyone should they pay even the slightest bit of attention to him.

You missed your chance to be with someone who lacked the courage to make a move, go in for a kiss, hold your hand, or even give the slightest hint that he liked you.

You missed your chance to do a lot of things. That’s for sure.

And thank God for that. Thank God we all get the chance to grow out of who we once were and to become new people. Life gives us all the opportunity to shed our demons, hold onto the good parts of us, and become reinvented. Constantly.

You missed your chance for the more sad, bad, and mad parts of me, but if for some reason you are someone who falls for me now, you didn’t miss out on any of the good parts of me. Because those parts haven’t changed. If anything they’ve gotten better.

You didn’t miss out on my ability to make you laugh.

You didn’t miss out on my want to cherish you and treat you right.

You didn’t miss out on my work ethic and my belief that I am my own man who can make his own life.

You didn’t miss out on the part of me that constantly saw the injustices that go on in the society and community that surround me.

You didn’t miss out on the devoted friendship I have always so freely given.

You didn’t miss out on my love to woo and wine and dine you.

You didn’t miss out on my talents, and my passions, and my gifts.

You didn’t miss out on your chance to fall for a guy who is stubborn enough to stand up against what he thinks isn’t right.

You didn’t miss out on your chance to fall for a guy who loves children and old people.

You didn’t miss out on your chance to fall for a guy who cared enough about you to be honest and faithful.

Those parts of a person remain constant when they’re sincere, and they were part of me then like they are now.

Oh, I’m sure fifteen years from now I will be making a new list, contrasting the person I am now compared to the better, more balanced person I am then.

I hope I do.

The only difference is that right now I’m glad that the person I’ll spend the rest of my life with wasn’t there during the roughest parts of my past. I’m glad I didn’t drag her through that. I hope that the next time I write this list, I am standing beside the person who was there teaching me what a person can’t possibly teach themselves. I hope that I’m looking back thinking, I’m so glad I didn’t miss my chance to be with them and learn and become as much as I have.

Just some random thoughts.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS. This blog post has also been recorded as a podcast. You know, if you’re into that kind of thing.

253 comments
Rhonda Rose
Rhonda Rose

So powerful... Can't describe how much I wish some amazing people would realize that their younger years do not have to be the best years of their lives... Glad you shared!

SillyMe
SillyMe

That was beautiful Dan. I hope you do too.

Briana Cerezo
Briana Cerezo

I find this really interesting, because I can identify with almost all the statements you said about yourself. The only difference is that I met my loving husband when I was barely 20 and was all those insecure, depressed, eating disordered parts of myself, and he LOVED me through all of it. Taught me that I WAS worth loving. And he is still here with me, loving me more than ever.

Greg Sparks
Greg Sparks

I believe many can connect with this. I love Dan's honesty

David Amato
David Amato

Appreciate you sharing, I just read my own bio..

A M Spivey
A M Spivey

Surprising that there are quite a number of people out here that have gone through the same problems but somehow you have put it all down on paper to one point or another.  I admire your honesty and frankness and I enjoy that you share your happiness with us.  Just a simple THANK YOU from the view of a grandmother.  Stay happy and enjoy loving your son.

Jamie N'Trent
Jamie N'Trent

I think it's through our weakness and hardships that make us who we are today. Don't feel bad for what you went through, instead rejoice where it has taken you.

Carol Brown
Carol Brown

Why do you think the big "Class Reunions" are in 5 year increments?......It is because every five years you look back and realize how much you did not know five years ago :).......My dad told me this when I was eighteen and he was so absolutely correct. Of course at that point I was litening to a disc player that I muted and said "Ya right, okay"....

Alicia Blaakman-Abney
Alicia Blaakman-Abney

My 30's were the BEST because I finally could be ME! Enjoy and keep on blogging! (For the record, my 40's have been awesome too but not as healthy after blowing out my knee at age 39 and having heart issues...grr!)

Laura Gardiner
Laura Gardiner

I haven't met my 'one and only' yet, and I'm glad of that just because I wouldn't have had the opportunity to gain my own strength and conquer my own battles if I had always had someone by my side. But just because my flaws used to be more apparent, it doesn't mean that I wouldn't have been a worthwhile companion for the right person. The right people tend to accentuate our best qualities and lovingly walk with us on the path to self-improvement. Walking with someone through their hard times is a blessing for both involved. I'm certain you were more of a blessing to others during your hard times than you think you were.

Stacy Spinella
Stacy Spinella

That was beautiful, raw, and so heartfelt. Thank you for posting.

Guest
Guest

@Nicole Wise Dial His loss.  Or not, there are more types of relationships than intimate ones.  Enjoy your chance to be his friend and find someone else to fill that dating position.

Michelle Marcotte
Michelle Marcotte

Growing up and believing in ourselves is a beautiful thing. Keep going, Dan!

Nicole Wise Dial
Nicole Wise Dial

There's a guy I met this weekend would I kinda felt a connection with...but he has an issue with interracial dating....his mother would not approve...so he keeps asking a friend about me. He's interested but won't make a move because he just can't bring what he feels about me to grips with what he's been taught his whole life... makes me sad and mad all at the same time. To meet and click with someone is a rarity with me. To know he's interested is great. To know he's more concerned about the color of my skin than the depth of my heart is upsetting.

Heather Schmidt Young
Heather Schmidt Young

Sometimes we have to go fhru hell in order to see the good. It sucks, but is so worth it in the end. Having kids only helps in the facilitation of the good coming out. Being a good example for them is a huge motivator. I know my kids will have their own crosses to bear, but I hope by them seeing we make it out ok, lets them know that they will be ok. Dan, you're a great man/father. Your future other half will be a very lucky person. I can only hope I will find one with your qualities someday.

Dallin Curry
Dallin Curry

Guess single dads all have a similar thought process, lol. I have literally been writing something nearly identical to this for about three days!

Sharla Coffman
Sharla Coffman

This was a fantastic piece and very well written because in your insecurities as an adolescent to now is a story of a little bit about everyone on this planet. Life constantly evolving and molding us to be the person we always wanted to become because of a little bit of wisdom and realizing that confidence comes from within and not the stranger on the street you think is looking back at you and silently judging but in reality is too busy with his or her own negative tapes playing in his or her mind to even care

Kim Bradley
Kim Bradley

So beautifully written and honestly written. May we all be brave enough to fav our demons and stand on the other side being glad out good parts stayed with us and even grew and that we made the journey. Keep up the great posts! Love reading them :)

Single Dad Laughing
Single Dad Laughing

FYI, I banned Christopher which removed his comments. We don't need such profanity and negativity around here.

Alicia Rivero
Alicia Rivero

You are so right. I'm completely different from what I was in high school and thank God for that. I've come a long way and wouldn't change a thing.

Felicia Miller
Felicia Miller

Painful yet beautifuly honest....funny how we eventually start to grow up. Well done ;)

Daniel A Sniadoski
Daniel A Sniadoski

Thank you so much for this. It mirrors the transition that I am going through now. Thank you...

Amanda McDade
Amanda McDade

♥ it & you. Keep growing on. It's beautiful! !

Elodie Elle Eckersley
Elodie Elle Eckersley

@Christopher Diaz-Overby There is nothing even remotely emo about this post...except your freakishly emo-alluding profile pic.. If in doubt, wiki is a great reference tool. Emo (pron.: /ˈiːmoʊ/) is a style of rock music characterized by melodic musicianship and expressive, often confessional lyrics. It originated in the mid-1980s hardcore punk movement of Washington, D.C., where it was known as "emotional hardcore" or "emocore" and pioneered by bands such as Rites of Spring and Embrace. As the style was echoed by contemporary American punk rock bands, its sound and meaning shifted and changed, blending with pop punk and indie rock and encapsulated in the early 1990s by groups such as Jawbreaker and Sunny Day Real Estate. By the mid-1990s numerous emo acts emerged from the Midwestern and Central United States, and several independent record labels began to specialize in the style. Emo broke into mainstream culture in the early 2000s with the platinum-selling success of Jimmy Eat World and Dashboard Confessional and the emergence of the subgenre "screamo". In recent years the term "emo" has been applied by critics and journalists to a variety of artists, including multiplatinum acts and groups with disparate styles and sounds. In addition to music, "emo" is often used more generally to signify a particular relationship between fans and artists, and to describe related aspects of fashion, culture, and behavior.

Courtney Lauren
Courtney Lauren

I'm glad you shared this. It was great! Heartfelt and thoughtful! Not many men would be willing to put it all out there like that. I applaud you.

Tiffany Gowins-Gravlee
Tiffany Gowins-Gravlee

Glad I didn't miss the chance of reading this. I can relate to quiet a few of the things you wrote. Thank you for sharing this!

Elodie Elle Eckersley
Elodie Elle Eckersley

The evolution of ones self throughout our days is testimony to the power of healing, learning & growth albeit, in gest of the frailty of the human condition. Hemingway said it beautifully - “There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” ― Ernest Hemingway

Lisa E Maldonado
Lisa E Maldonado

I think what I find the most intriguing about your own comment about your blog piece is that you almost didn't share it. From what I have read so far of your work, you don't seem one to "not" state your mind. It's the one thing that keeps me reading...how you perceive things. You put a lot of thought into what you wrote and you truly poured your heart out. It's nice to see how you compare and contrast without "fluff". Fact cannot be changed. The past definitely had to be lived in order to grow and be as well put together as you are now. I strongly believe nobody is perfect. I myself have gone through enough. My two inspirations and motivations...God first and my 11 yr old daughter. I would be nothing without them. Single parenthood is tricky...but single parent dating even more so. I get the worth more now compared to then. I'm just very cautious of who I bring into our life because pain to an adult is very different in the eyes of a child. Be blessed and keep the positive loving ways that maintain yours and your son's happiness :)

Kelly Wuorinen
Kelly Wuorinen

I very much connect with it. Nice to know I'm not alone.

Sharon Hammill
Sharon Hammill

I like the extra posts, Ann Marie. I live on the other side of the world and might miss posts otherwise.

Jessica Hughes
Jessica Hughes

Loved your post!! Totally made me make a list of my used to be's and now so different...:)

Guest
Guest

@Nicole Wise DialHis loss.  Or not. There are more types of relationships than intimate ones.  Enjoy your chance to be his friend and find someone else to fill that dating position.