How does falling in love happen?
I mean, it happens so frequently to people in this world that it seems like it should be easy and somewhat effortless.
But it’s not. At least for me.
I really enjoy dating. With every new date I wonder if I might be about to meet the person I’ll end up falling in love with. Maybe it is the person I’ll spend the rest of my life with. I mean, all love has to start by meeting someone for the first time, right?
Yet after every date, or at least after several dates with each person, the answer ends up being no, before I ever fall in love.
Is falling in love really that difficult? Should it be challenging at all when I am blessed enough to be able to meet scores of people, all who are potentially wondering if I may be the person they’ll end up falling in love with; wondering if they might be about to meet the man they will spend the rest of their lives with? I mean, all love has to start by meeting someone for the first time, right?
And it’s not like I only date people who are I know I won’t love. I don’t seek out people with whom I already know it will fail like some others do. On the contrary, I seek out dates with people that are intelligent, successful, beautiful, down to earth, and funny, and I always seek out dates with the intent to see if something else more beautiful might develop.
And it’s not like I’m unlovable. I’m all those things I listed above as well. Many people are out looking for a guy just like me.
So why doesn’t it more easily fall into place?
How does falling in love happen?
Does it simply happen when two compatible people happen to be open to it at the exact right time?
Does it simply happen when some external force finally puts you with someone else?
Is it simply luck?
If I go on a date with a woman, what is it that will make me look at her and see her as someone better for me than the rest?
What is it that will make me, for some unknown reason, trust her with my deepest secrets?
What is it that will make me miss her when she’s only been gone for moments?
What will make me hang on her every word?
What has to happen for me to find myself experiencing twinges of insecurity and bouts of silly jealousy, hoping that she feels the same? Hoping that I’m not stupid. Hoping that I’m not on my way to a broken heart.
What transpires that will make me pass any chocolatier or florist and find myself unable to keep going without getting her at least something?
How does falling in love with her happen?
What is it about her that makes me suddenly push harder in those classes at the gym? Why do I suddenly lift more, run further, and stay longer after I meet her?
And why do I, without even thinking about it, let down my walls that I built to protect myself?
What happens that I suddenly trust her to see my biggest faults?
What happens that I suddenly trust that I am safe with her?
What happens that I suddenly trust that there is a future for us?
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I always wondered how you know as a man when you are falling in love. You just summed it up perfectly. Im bookmarking this page and coming back to read it when I meet someone special. Thank you so much!
If you're asking these questions so intently you're already falling... to those who haven't found the one yet don't give up hope. My husband and I werr friends for almost 5 years before we admitted we loved eachother. We have no beeen married 6 months and have a baby boy on the way.
Help me to find the love of my life! My name is Vincenzo, I am 32 years old, and I am a bold, determined and passionate man who set out to go on this singular, romantic and extraordinary quest to find you, my love, so that we may finally come together, become united by marriage, and make the most of our lives, in all possible ways, as one. Learn more about this quest and about how you can contact me at: http://thebestlovemoneycanbuy.blogspot.com.
Like Patt and some of the others who have posted on here, we are so happy for you.
I too have recently reacquainted myself with a man I've known since I was 15. I didn't really know him though. He was married with a child and I was just a kid, hanging out with his younger sister in law. He tragically lost his wife of 29 years, only a year and a half ago. He joined FB and requested me as a friend. We started playing WWF and chatting in between. I suddenly found myself in a place, where I let down some of my walls, (don't ask me why) because he was so kind and compassionate. My past with men has been pretty sour.You could call me "Single Mom Laughing. Like you say that "you are the type of guy a lot of women want." Well, I didn't have a problem with meeting and really liking guys that I went out with, and they thought I was pretty special. But, it wasn't that "love feeling." Total trust and openness. Really seeing myself waking up to this person for the rest of my life.
It was chance, timing, not even "entertaining" the thought of being with this man that caught me so off guard when I realized I was falling in love with him. But, we had to be sure we had the same feelings when we were together, so he planned a trip for me to come and visit him. Our connection was even stronger than I could have imagined. He was so many things that I needed and more, and what's more? He felt exactly the same way. I was filled with doubts, about myself, and if I could love again, after being single by choice, for so many years. I felt like a broken person inside and out. A hot mess, if you will. I wanted to make sure that I was HIS everything too.
My 18 year old daughter saw how happy and up I became, just communicating and visiting him, that she was on board for us. He makes me question why I have done some of the harebrained things that I've done, but not in a judgmental way, just because he was concerned and really wanted to know ME. I feel like he is a dream come true. He is the man I've always looked for in others but couldn't find. We just clicked on every level. Because I am 10 years younger, he allows me to still be my edgy self, but he reels me in and makes me think about everything. We are both very spiritual people and that connected us even more.
So now, we are planning a small intimate wedding, not sure when, but soon, as we can't get enough of each other. I'm willing to leave my home of 25 years and live with him by the ocean (poor me). I was never willing to leave here before, but he is so worth it. Love for us came completely out of left field and caught a lot of mutual friends off guard, but it is the most healthy, loving, safe relationship I have ever had outside of my family.
So, me, the "off the market for life" girl ended up finding the perfect relationship (for me) without even looking. Now, I'm looking forward to this next and final chapter of my love life with this man. I'm jumping in with both feet and I couldn't feel more content and excited about finding this kind of love after 40. I had to kiss a lot of frogs, some where really good guys, (just not for me) to find my prince. It's an amazing feeling. I finally get the whole love can be like a drug. He is my healthy drug and I couldn't be anymore crazy about him if I tried. It's amazing to be in love for what seems like the first time in my life.
I forgot to put quotes on my previous post. They are your own words. Your head over heels love...I hope she knows about this...because......well, she should. You seem very confused or deep in denial to me.
I got married. To a woman. Our marriage was laced with sexual anxiety and dysfunction. I loathed having sex with her not because I wasn’t attracted to her, but because my sexuality continually screamed to me that I was a deceitful sell-out who lacked integrity. We eventually got divorced.
I got married again. Quickly. To another woman. Surely, surely if I married someone fantastically beautiful and to whom I was very attracted, I would never have to acknowledge the truth whose screams were silenced inside of me all those years. I would never have to grant further thought to the feelings of self-betrayal that plagued me for so long. It was my choice, damn it, and I was choosing to be what I had to be.
She finally left. The last words that she chose to use before she drove away were, “I don’t care what you say, I know that you’re gay.”
“Whatever makes you feel better,” I whispered to the aroma of lingering car fumes.
Later that evening, I drove over to Noah’s other home to discuss the situation. Some of the first words my son’s mother spoke were, “will you tell me the truth? Are you gay?”
“Why the hell would you ask that?” I angrily said in response to a question that I unfortunately understood was both serious and reasonable.
As someone who has just recently fallen head over heals for someone, I have to say it is amazing, and completely amazingly crazy! I can't explain it, but it's totally worth it. . . all the internal voices you fight with, all the past horrid relationships, all the doubt and questioning. . . it's all totally worth it to find that one person that melts your insides and makes you feel like the luckiest person ever just to be with them.
Throw caution to the wind...go for it and leave a hole in the wall like Road Runner/Coyote. Or be cautious and careful and all that. Whatever you think is best - go for it. Everyone deserves to be with someone they enjoy!!!
It is interesting how black and white some people are. SDL is pretty straight (no pun intended) forward when it comes to his blog.
He said he was something other then straight
That doesn't mean "I am dealing with being gay so give me time I'll come out when I am ready."
It means "I am willing to explore the possibility of finding love in whatever gender it embodies." He has found love in a female gender. It is not confusing, it is not unusual, people do it all the time. I am glad that he shared so we can be happy for him. But really people, don't let this vex you....there are more pressing things in the world to concern yourself with :)
The story of my husband and I started as a joke and ends up as some sort of cheesy romance a la "You've Got Mail" :D All I know is the night we met (accidentally; through mutual friends), was his last night in San Diego and at an after party we sat on the hood of a car at the beach and argued for hours about everything from politics and religion to music and movies. By the time the sun came up, we both realized that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives arguing with each other and no one else. lol As it was his last night in town (he'd just gotten out of the Navy) He had to board a bus and go back to Merced. For 6 months we corresponded online after a while I went one weekend to visit him and we've been inseparable ever since. The fact that he's still with me after all my "crazy days" (I was very insecure, jealous and angry all of the time in the beginning due to past emotional baggage) totally amazes me.
I guess the point is; I think love happens when you least expect it and usually not anywhere you're actually looking. I think that's the best kind of love. The kind that takes you by surprise and makes you question everything you thought you were sure about (in a good way). It looks like you've stumbled onto this great kind of love and I wish you all the best!!!
As far as "why you fall when you do", when I met hubby I was sure he was all, all, ALL wrong for me. I told anyone and everyone who would listen. Fate/Life/Whatever you want to call it/ knew better than I knew. And thank heaven it did. Had I went by what I thought I knew I wouldn't be the happiest girl in the world right now. I really believe eventually life just throws you a break - right when you need it sometimes. I had to wait 35 years for mine. But it came when I was ready and when I would actually be able to appreciate what it meant. This might just be your "moment". And love is just love when it finally comes along...
So happy for you Dan :) :) :) For me, falling in love was accidental, chance, and unexpected, meeting the right person at the right moment, discovering as if by magic that we were right for each other. I didnt go on dates looking for anyone, we just happened to meet. I think it is more natural that way as there is no pressure, and if it feels right then it's right, simple as that!
Agreed JoEllen Blevins! And besides, you can easily be bisexual/heteroromantic . . . meaning that your sexual drive swings both ways, but your romantic relationships are exclusively with the opposite gender. Sheesh, people . . . Dan's sexuality has ZERO to do with this relationship and even LESS to do with you!
To those who want to make it about sexuality, he NEVER said he was gay. He said he was something other than straight. Just be happy for his happiness! The world needs a lot more happy. Definitely happy for you and Noah! Best wishes!
Congrats, Dan. Hope you two are happy for many a moon. Hope I feel that again someday, too. Maybe that old song is playing - love is in the air?
How Beautiful! I pray that this new relationship flourishes and brings you all the love, peace and joy you deserve. :)
way to go Dan. not that you're asking but my only advice is to not overthink it. just enjoy. no boundaries my friend. follow your heart.
Good for you. You make a cute couple! If you are happy then that's what matters. And you are an awesome Dad. You deserve to be happy.:)