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Pulled from the Truth Box – Week 11

Truth Box

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.” ~Philo of Alexandria

After 21 years of self-destructive inner-battles, I finally admitted my biggest secret to myself and to the rest of the world. That day, and the day my son was born, were the two most incredible and wonderful days of my life.

Here on Single Dad Laughing, I started what I call “The Truth Box.” I asked you all to anonymously share a difficult secret that you’ve never told anyone. There were only two sections to fill out on the form. “What everyone thinks is true,” and “what actually is true.” More than five thousand secrets were shared. Every Thursday I share 60 of them here. Completely random and as they came in.

These truths aren’t meant to entertain. They aren’t meant to bring us down, either. They’re just an incredible and poignant (though sometimes heavy) reminder that we all are fighting our own great battles.

Pulled from the Truth Box: Week 11

1
What everyone thinks is true:
I am the funniest person ever.
What actually is true:
I’m only funny when I’m high. And I’m always high and nobody knows it because they’re all Mormons who wouldn’t even know what weed smelled like.
2
What everyone thinks is true:
I’m in love with my fiance and so excited to get married.
What actually is true:
I’m planning to break it off and I don’t know how to do it. The more time passes the harder it’s getting.
3
What everyone thinks is true:
I’m the night manager at Wendy’s.
What actually is true:
I’m just an assistant shift supervisor.
4
What everyone thinks is true:
Between full-term babies and miscarriages, I’ve had 5 pregnancies.
What actually is true:
I’ve had 6. I had an abortion when I was 19, and it’s the biggest regret and shame of my life.
5
What everyone thinks is true:
I am a Christian
What actually is true:
I am an atheist
6
What everyone thinks is true:
That I have a moral compass and have my shit together.
What actually is true:
I cheated on my first husband, had 2 abortions (ages 17 and 19) and cry in the shower every morning because I really don’t have my shit together. Not in the least.
7
What everyone thinks is true:
That I’m a great person for taking in my niece.
What actually is true:
She makes me so angry that I often contemplate sending her back to her cancer-ridden addict father.
8
What everyone thinks is true:
I was sick in junior high because of a complication with strep, and needed hospitalization.
What actually is true:
I faked it because my parents hadn’t spoken to me in months and I was desperate for attention.
9
What everyone thinks is true:
That I am a very sweet, put-together, straight-edge woman who has the perfect marriage.
What actually is true:
For 3 months, I used to get up at 5:00 AM to go on my morning runs, only to meet up with a married man and have sex with him in the woods before the sun was even up.
10
What everyone thinks is true:
I had 2 babies.
What actually is true:
I had 4.
11
What everyone thinks is true:
My coworker’s and students think I am straight and married.
What actually is true:
I am gay and afraid to be judged as anything other than a great teacher.
12
What everyone thinks is true:
…that I’ve gotten over my Gma’s death.
What actually is true:
….I’m bathed in grief everyday.
13
What everyone thinks is true:
Everyone thinks I’m a straight 52-year-old mother of 3 adult children and grandmother of 1 grandchild.
What actually is true:
I’ve been gay since the day I was born and have lived my entire life trying to be who I was taught I had to be.
14
What everyone thinks is true:
I’m a good mormon.
What actually is true:
I no longer believe in God or the church and I’m too scared to leave. I am losing everything I am and everything I love.
15
What everyone thinks is true:
I’m the a strong single parent
What actually is true:
I’m one paycheck away from losing everything, lonely and stressed to the max. Just wish I could find someone to love me and my son.
Continued on next page.
75 comments
Katy
Katy

#47 - Sweetie, it gets better. I was in a 4 1/2 year physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive relationship. I escaped almost 5 years ago and moved 1000 miles away. To this day, the put downs and snide comments he made still haunt me. It takes a lot of time to realize you are not what your ex tried to convince you of. I promise it gets better. If you're reading this, please find someone to talk to. Even if it is an anonymous web group or support group, it helps.

KristinaMBaird
KristinaMBaird

A lot of these seem like people are afraid to be judged by others. I don't think people judge as much as you think they do. They may have a passing thought about whatever it is that you are hiding but in reality people have too much of their own crap going on to even care that much. 

For #28 & #36 - these organs are not the be all end all of a relationship. Ive seen many of both and there is no "normal" It just doesnt exist. Stop thinking about it. 

I am having a hard time empathizing with the person who hit the dog. But, I admire you for realizing that you should not have a dog. It takes a person with a strong mind to realize something like that. 

moovlover
moovlover

They were all so powerful. I had a really bad Monday, felt crappy over something stupid at work, but when I read any of these I realize how much other people are really dealing with. Some I relate to, others I feel for, and others...well honestly tears build up in the corner of my eye.

Kirriam
Kirriam

#59 surprised me. I've never thought of it that way. Does this mean gay/bi men sometimes purposefully act more feminine than what's natural to them? Maybe it'd be easier if the gay/bi symbols were more practical for men to use, in accessories etc.

MelendineJeremiah
MelendineJeremiah

#59 My uncle and great uncle are gay and I've seen them use this technique quite a few times. They slip in to the conversation "let my just check my phone, my boyfriend is meant to be texting me plans for later."

Eowyn9
Eowyn9

#40 -- this is my sister in a nutshell. I worry for her because she seems so...directionless in life and I know she worries as well that she'll never find a career that she enjoys or cares about. Not sure what I can do to help, though I've tried. Sigh.

Sarah Rose
Sarah Rose

Dan I think this is my favourite of your on-going weekly segments. It really is amazing to see what other people are going through. Even though everyone's *battles* are different, it's such a relief seeing that everyone has something going on that they're ashamed of/scared of/hurt over/happy with or whatever. I think some of the ones I like the most are the people who are doing something that society would typically view as *wrong* and they don't care because it makes them happy, because don't we all feel like that sometimes?

Keep this one going!

gignfoxysmom
gignfoxysmom

#60 -  OMG! That's FABULOUS news!!! How honored are we that you shared that with us FIRST!!!!! 

Dan Estrada
Dan Estrada

First time for me, and it couldnt be at a better time.

Marnie Beier
Marnie Beier

I liked #60, it was nice to read a happy secret!

AllYouNeedIsLove
AllYouNeedIsLove

#28 - She was a bitch (pardon me). Don't keep yourself from love because the wrong person was so insecure, she had to make you feel worse.

Jenn Sar
Jenn Sar

This is the first time I've read the Truth Box. I cried, and not sure why ... my response is about them, but also about me. Very powerful stuff. Thank you.

ALMama
ALMama

#36 - Honey, none of them are pretty. Wait til you have kids. Guys don't care though, as long as they get to play! Promise :)

NateReed
NateReed

59, I went through a similar period where I came out to anyone who would listen. At first it was empowering but it does get exhausting constantly baring your soul to people. If people want to make assumptions about your sexual preferences that's on them, but you shouldn't feel obligated to explain your personal life to them. When others see a picture of my partner and I together and ask if we are brothers (they always do, my partner and i bear a certain resemblance to one another), my usual response is to laugh and leave it at that. That usually gets the message across (that we are more than 'brothers', or that it's none of their business, take your pick). You alone should control with whom and when you share those kind of details about yourself. A little mystery isn't a bad thing, either

gignfoxysmom
gignfoxysmom

#28 and #36 - no ones body is "perfect"! Penis' and vagina's come in all shapes and sizes. If it bothers you, then go see someone to see what options are out there. A doc may just tell you you're perfect! 

As for as a *tiny* penis goes, here's the absolute truth:

The best experience of my life was with a man who wasn't terribly well endowed. He did however, have some amazing powers, in other areas. Sometimes, more really is too much. For that woman that laughed at you? Shame on her. Now. Shame on you for letting her ruin you for someone fabulous!!

Disisit
Disisit

#47 I feel you. I live this. You are not alone.


thismummaslife
thismummaslife

To #36, all vaginas are different. Vaginal plastic surgery is very common now, especially among porn stars. And in nude photographs they are retouched. Don;t doubt your beauty. Check out this link for a supportive website that celebrates the REALITY of what we women look like there. http://largelabiaproject.tumblr.com/ Click on submitted photos. It might help you feel better about your body.

Amity Riha
Amity Riha

Its kinda sad that so many people are really truly unhappy and miserable but at the same time its kinda therapeutic to know that all of us have something that doesn't quite ring true with the outer layer we present to the world.

Disisit
Disisit

To #18- I feel this.. I hate myself that I feel this.. I love my children, but sometimes, I dream of what life would be like care free with no one elses life in my hands..

Jessica Spracher
Jessica Spracher

This is the first time I've stumbled into the Truth Box - amazing. I think simply admiting these things helps a lot of people and I think reading them helps even more.

KaBirAhamed
KaBirAhamed

To #33 - My deepest and sincerest condolences to you , Nothing we say or do will make this any easier.But God breaks our hearts to prove to us, he, only takes the best.. I lost my mom to MS few years back it's hard but with time things will get better & you'll find reason to smile back at life .... hug's & prayers.

modernmom23
modernmom23

Dear # 16, I know how you feel.  I am there, and its not easy.  You don't need a man to validate you!  #16, I was there and that's why I left my husband.  Don't be afraid of him or going it alone; you are strong enough to handle him and you are strong enough to go it alone.

#47-just give it time.  Heal yourself and the right person will come into your life.  In the meantime, don't be afraid to make friends and ask strangers to coffee or to the park.  You might just end up with a new friend!

You are all awesome!!!

AmieMFB
AmieMFB

to the writer of #36- PLEASE don't think your vagina isn't good enough. There is no such thing as a "pretty" vagina, and even if there were, it doesn't change the way it works. That's the most important part.  If someone wants to be with you, they want to be WITH YOU, no matter what.  

Marna Johnson Martin
Marna Johnson Martin

I saw 7 this week that could be me, word for word. I don't know if she'll see this, but I highly encourage the Navy wife to get involved with her husband's Ship's Spouses Support Group. Every ship has one (ask the chaplain) and sometimes knowing other people going through the same struggle makes a world of difference. My ex is still in the Navy. We welcomed deployments and TDS because it got his abusive self out of the house and away from us.

plumtuckered
plumtuckered

Um... wow! #58 really hits home for me. My boyfriend asked my parent's permission and his parent's blessing for marriage almost 18 months ago and we still aren't even engaged!! Sometimes I feel like he doesn't want to get married because it's a HUGE grown up step and he's such a man-child... (not that that's an issue - I love him the way he is!) His father is also really sick (cancer) and I'm not thinking he'll be around too much longer. I'd like his father to see him as a married man and possibly a father, before he dies. I can't imagine what kind of emotional damage losing his father will cause - especially getting married afterwards. I think everyone will be happier if the wedding takes place before the unspeakable happens... :/

soldiermomof3
soldiermomof3

To everyone who replies to others in pain, with words of love and support and of offers to talk, chat or listen. You guys ROCK! It's so awesome to read/hear of a stranger reaching out to help another who is suffering. I'm really proud of my SDL online people. Good job. : )

Jenn Burns
Jenn Burns

so many of these are tre or me! thanks for another week of the truth box, it's nice to know i'm not alone in my feelings :)

TwistedMiss
TwistedMiss

@KristinaMBaird I'm glad that you're personal experience allows you to see that people are not as judgmental as we fear.  My experience, on the other hand, has reinforced these fears and I totally understand them.  I hope you are grateful for the lack of judgement in your life.  For some of us, it has shaped how we have lived and required us to walk away from family or friends to be true to ourselves or to hide who we are to keep who we love. Living two lives to save your relationships is not easy, and being ostracized, because of who you are, by those you hold dear, far more damaging.  Namaste.

Eilena
Eilena

@gignfoxysmom YES! Believe it or not, women vary in size "down there" as well. Somewhere out there is a girl who's terrified of anything bigger than YOURS.

Kirriam
Kirriam

@gignfoxysmom  I have a friend who once told me a story like that, only she was the woman who laughed. She's now close to 30 and has never been in a serious relationship. She has the habit of taking drunk men with her home just to cuddle because she feels lonely and needs someone to hold her through the night.

gignfoxysmom
gignfoxysmom

@thismummaslife Vaginoplasty's are the second most common plastic surgery - right after a breast augmentation. If you feel that something under the bonnet needs some realignment, go see someone who can tell you what's twat. Sorry! Couldn't resist the joke! 

YOU however, are not only your vagina. You are lovely, warm, gorgeous....all kinds of great things that have nothing to do with what's up in your pants. 

JeanetteSmithLamb
JeanetteSmithLamb

@Disisit It is natural to want out of the burden of kids sometimes, they're a pain at times, they're exhausting. It doesn't make you a bad person, it just makes you human.

JeanetteSmithLamb
JeanetteSmithLamb

@KaBirAhamed Not to mention therapy and anti-depressants nothing wrong with that either. I went that route, it saved my life.

JeanetteSmithLamb
JeanetteSmithLamb

@AmieMFB Trust me, if you are with a guy, he is into you. He isn't judging you and picking you apart the way we do to ourselves. The only standard of beauty that we look at is false. Pornos aren't the average looking person, if you see intimate body parts in a magazine they are air brushed. All of the women in fashion magazines are air brushed, it's not real, any of it. Just work on loving you and focus on the parts of you that you DO like there is alot to love I promise you. 

smilingbird
smilingbird

@AmieMFB Hear, hear!  ALL vaginas are pretty - they're magical portals of femininity, life and pleasure.

JeanetteSmithLamb
JeanetteSmithLamb

@Marna Johnson Martin I'm glad you got away from him, good for you.

JeanetteSmithLamb
JeanetteSmithLamb

@Nancy MacAllister Laporte Don't be hatin. It was wrong, this person realized that and no longer has animals. At least give that much credit. The purpose of this sure as hell isn't to judge, obviously there are other issues at play here.

candice6193
candice6193

@plumtuckered I wrote #58 but since I wrote it I've changed my mind, I'm still anxious to get married but I realized the only person I'm putting pressure on is myself, I know my boyfriend loves me and that he wants to marry me and have kids and I'm only making myself miserable thinking about the future instead of enjoying the present. Your situation is different with the father with cancer, but maybe that's why he's waiting he's got too much going on in his head to plan a proposal/wedding. Hang in there if it's meant to be it will be. 

gignfoxysmom
gignfoxysmom

@TwistedMiss @KristinaMBaird Sadly, family tends to be the worst offender in the Judgement Game; I know mine sure is. I could tell you that it gets better; but honestly? Tis better to populate your life with people who do know you, the real you, and love you for it...not the ones who think they should tell you who you should be, since after all, they are your family. One day, your friends and your family will be one and the same; they may just not share your blood type. :)

gignfoxysmom
gignfoxysmom

@JodannaBergerson @gignfoxysmom Hubs is .....well....larger than some, smaller than say, a porn star. LOL. There are certainly times I wish he were smaller! It's an ongoing joke with us. :) 

Eilena
Eilena

@JeanetteSmithLamb 

I respect the poster for having realized that they can't trust themselves to have a dog. They understand it's a failure point in their attempts to be a good person and have found themself a way around it. It might be sad, but it's honest. We all have something we're not proud of.

gignfoxysmom
gignfoxysmom

@Eilena @JeanetteSmithLamb Thank you! Well said. We're not supposed to stand here in judgement; we are here to be supportive of each other. 

As I tell my kids: we need to respect those choices other people make, even if we don't understand them, or wish they were different. For the person in #48, I quite respect your acknowledgment of an action you wish you handled differently, as well as choosing not to be put in that position again. 

Thank you, #48, for being brave and sharing with us.