My nephews spent the night over here with Noah last night. We had a party. We ate pizza. We watched movies, played, and we all went to bed with chocolate-smeared faces.
Our apartment looks like a bomb went off in here. Which is how it should look after nights like we just had.
But right now I’m so angry at my sister. Tomi Ann.
She came to pick up her boys this morning. She pounded on the door which woke me up. But it didn’t just wake me up. She pounded so hard that I leapt out of bed before I even knew I was awake, and had to pause for a moment while my heart attempted to not explode. My head pounded as if I’d been out binge drinking the night before.
The boys let her in before I could get there. They had been out in the living room watching Wreck-it Ralph while I attempted to catch a few more Zs. It was necessary since my nephew had wandered in mostly asleep every half hour since 11PM asking if it was time to wake up and turn on the movie yet.
As soon as the boys opened the door, Tomi burst through, pushed past her boys, and came straight into my bedroom where I was still in the process of finding a shirt.
No “hello.” No “how’d it go?” No anything at all.
As if I was just an obstacle on some course, she maneuvered around me and straightway entered my closet without asking.
I hadn’t noticed but she was carrying something. A package. A toy. I’m not sure what. Noah had followed her in and watched as she uncovered all the Christmas presents I had already bought for him (and was hiding) and pushed her own package into the pile. “I can’t let Joshy know that I have this!” she said excitedly.
I looked at Noah. His eyes were wide. a grin started to form. He had seen all his presents. I looked at Tomi Ann. She didn’t care. She had accomplished her goal. Whatever that was. At whatever the cost.
And I was mad.
And then I actually woke up. And my bedroom door was still closed. I could hear the boys in the other room watching Wreck-It Ralph.
And I was still mad. I looked toward my closet. How could she blow my surprise for Noah like that?
Oh wait. It was a dream.
Then I looked at my closet again. The presents were still safe.
Then I looked at my closet again. Oh wait. There are no presents in there. And then I panicked. It’s almost Christmas and I haven’t gotten Noah any presents yet.
Then I closed my eyes and woke up even more. Oh wait. Christmas was months ago.
And I’m pretty sure I’m actually awake right now. I’m pretty sure what’s going on right now is real. Yet I’m still brooding somewhat at my sister and her barging-in.
I better drink some caffeine before I take the boys back home.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. This blog post has also been recorded as a podcast. You know, if you’re into that kind of thing.
HAHAHAHA!!! The other morning, I was grateful that my toe didn't hurt where part of it had fallen off....
Years ago while I was in the Navy, I dreamt a coworker held my younger brother upside down by his ankles and then dropped him. Even though I woke up and realized it was a dream...I treated that guy very cold from that day until I left that duty station! I'd like to go back in time and apologize to him but I don't remember his name! ha ha
Hahaha brilliant. Gotta hate it when that happens. Once I woke up and was talking on the phone.. don't remember it ringing or answering it, and I was very confused when my friend on the other end was asking questions about god knows what.
Or the dreaded, "OMG! I'M LATE FOR (fill in the blank)!" Look at the clock and it's 3AM... Yeah, I've had those days....
I just downloaded the podcast just to listen to you! You are hilarious. :) I love reading and now listening to your blog!
More often than not, I wake myself up yelling at my son for something he did in my dreams. Or he wakes me up with that innocent, "I didn't do anything Mom, why are you yelling at me?" Poor kid.
funny...maybe this is a wake call to hide presents in the future really well. don't forget where you put them though. lol
Happened to me too.....kinda an eery feeling. Kinda hard to explain why you are mad at someone for something they have no idea about......
Hahahaha... My boyfriend has done this to me before. Apparently I was 'mean to him' in his dream, so he woke up mad at me! Of course, I was also an art teacher in his dream, and I'm about the least artistic person on the planet! Hope you got copious amounts of caffeine! :-)
My mom sometimes wakes up to my dad freaking out at her in the middle of the night because he had a dream she was cheating and was still half asleep. Happens at least twice a year, and my dad's mad at her all day afterwards. Once she was accidentally hit in the face because my dad dreamed he was fighting someone and he was "sleep-fighting" (a real condition if you watch Parks and Recreation)
Did you take this post down? I went to read it this morning and my system is not finding the server.
Ha! Love it! Hope you get over being angry at her for something she didn't, in fact, do. One time i was sleeping and my 7 year old daughter was yelling at me from downstairs, "ma! ma! ma! ma! ma!" over and over and OVER and over, and I was so tired and just wanted 5 more minutes to sleep, so I finally yelled down in my very firm Mommy voice, "Molly! If you need to talk to me please come upstairs so I can hear you!" At that point I realized that the sound of Molly yelling "ma! ma! ma!" was actually a very loud and annoying bird outside my window. My poor kid. Your poor sister. The innocent bystanders...(:
My mom once came barging out of bed when I was a teenager all set to yell at me for stealing her purse... and tripped on said purse on the way out of her bedroom. :) Last week Sunday I woke up all in a panic because I was sure I was late for work... took me a few to remember, duh, it's Sunday.
A few yrs before we had kids, my husband & I were asleep in our apt,. when I heard a small baby wailing inconsolably. After several minutes, I woke up enough to figure out it was right outside our bedroom window. In a panic, i woke my husband up saying "My god! I think someone left a baby outside!". I don't recall what he said, but i think he was just as confused as I was. And then I woke up enough to realize it was actually a couple of cats fighting and screeching at each other! Whoops!
I hate those kind of "waking up" dreams that leave me confused for an hour or so. I once woke up sure I had seen someone walk by my bedroom door and had my phone in my hand about to call 911 when I realized it was just a dream.
Too funny! If you are anything like me you will stay mad at her all morning then apologize to her for being "dream mad' at her. Thank you for making me laugh!!
hahahaaaaaaaaa!!! no...wait.....hahahaaaaaaaaa!!!! I think I'm done. That was the funniest!!! Why not just have a intravenous, alarm activated coffee drip directly to your arteries? Just sayin'....
Oh heavens to betsy... I only had to read that three times before I woke up long enough to realise you were dreaming!
And the funniest thing is I was sitting here half awake myself thinking oh my word Dan's sister bust in on him nekkid! there is only so much a brother or sister needs to see of their sibling before struggling to erase that vision from their minds...
I was so mad at your sister and then I was laughing so hard all of a sudden. Thanks for the laugh, Dan. I hate when my dreams are so real that it's tough to snap out of it when I wake up. :-)
You Make Me Laugh! My Husband Gets Jealous When I Read YouR Posts! Also, I Have No Clue Why My Phone Is Capping Every Letter To Every Word. :) Silly Phone, Or User! Keeping Writing, Dan. Please! For MY Sanity.
lol, I've had dreams like this! In about an hour you're still going to be mad and in about four hours you will feel stupid! Happy Saturday!
I absolutely adore your posts! Always leave me feeling joyous in some form of the emotion and most times with a big smile. :) Thank you
I'm such a light sleeper this never happens to me lol. If people come over when I'm napping I hear their car coming down the road. I think it's funny when people can sleep like in college people that fell asleep in the library. I used to make signs like "poor college kid please leave me candy" and then watch as people threw gum or candy bars at them until they woke up. I have woke up after a dream that someone made me mad and was still kinda mad at them though lol
That usually only happens to me if I take a nap in the middle of the day. Like the time I woke up got dressed and headed to work cause I thought it was morning. Fortunately my husband stopped me before I made it to the car. Sometimes those dreams can be very vivid.