I’m not sure if I can pull off what I need to in today’s post because it involves sounds and exclamations that are somewhat difficult to spell out. You may want to listen to the podcast for this one as well.
In the past few weeks, and I’m being careful not to be specific in case any of you were there with me, I was doing my non-flexible awkward giant-guy thing in a yin yoga class. It’s a restorative yoga class where you hold these long releasing poses for like five minutes at a time.
Now, look. I know what it’s like to really have to fart while you’re exercising. I mean, just a few weeks ago, I made this e-card:
I also know what it’s like to accidentally let one slip here and there. It’s inevitable. When your body is moving, and you’re bending, and squatting, and maneuvering all weird, it’s bound to move some air around inside you.
Thankfully, and luckily, I’ve only ever let the occasional toot slip at the gym while there was loud music pumping. And I took comfort in the fact that everyone else probably was, too.
But in yin yoga, there is no loud music. There’s only very soft, light, quiet, peaceful music to relax to. As you lay or squat in your poses, the instructor walks around, helping people relax even more by rubbing their shoulders, or pushing them deeper into their poses.
And that was precisely what was happening that day in yin yoga. My friend Meryn and I were on mats next to each other doing the frog pose; there were probably 15-18 other people in the class. What is frog pose you may ask? I’ve included a photo above.
Basically it’s where you lay face down, spread your knees like a frog to each side, flatten out, and go through an excruciating five minutes of torture while you do serious “restoration” to your upper legs and joints. It’s by far the worst part of yin yoga for me, the fat huge guy who doesn’t look like all the pretty flexible girls who surround me.
And it happened.
Ffghgfhght. (That was a fart sound.)
Only it wasn’t my bum that made the sound. It came from somewhere behind me. And it was immediately followed by a “woahaha.” Only It wasn’t like a “whoahaha,” it was more like a “oooahah.” No, that’s not right either. Just know that it was a short verbal cue that let the whole room know that the farter knew that they farted, and that they were embarrassed that they farted. The translation of their response would have been, “oh my god, I’m so embarrassed right now, please don’t judge me!”
People, especially serious people SHOULD always laugh at stupid things. It's not like we're something else aside from being human. If you're alive, then laugh!
oh my God I laughed so much during this post just imagining it. The second time even more. I've had to stop myself from laughing before..not cool! hahaha Props to you for being able to not laugh and everybody else in that class!
I can't enjoy a massage because I spend half the time squelching my gas which wants to escape during relaxation
The "wind relieving asana" Andrew Menard, lol...I thought my sleeping-on-her-mat-with-teddy-bear mom would die laughing!
Oooh... I was 8 months pregnant with my oldest and I had to fart soooooo bad... I was in JcPennys with my mom and I looked around to see if anyone was around and without a moment to spare I let it go.. And it was extremely loud... My mom looked at me and starting laughing and I started laughing and then to my horror.. I heard giggling... Turned around and right behind me was a woman and her 16 year old daughter.. They where laughing but I was mortified and just walked away beat red....
Thanks for the laugh! You have more control than I do. Not sure I could've kept from bursting out laughing!
It is 1:47am as I write this and my husband is asleep and I was laughing so hard I almost woke him up. You are definitely not the only immature one out there. I, for one am terrible... I have and will never own up to a fart even if it is evident that I am the culprit. I always blame it on one of my dogs, whether or not they are in the same room. My sons try to get me to admit it, but I just can't. I think it's because my own mother was shameless about farting. If she was sitting, she would even lift her left buttock off the chair and let 'er rip. I was mortified! She didn't care, she would just say, "It's better to fart and bear the shame, then hold it in and bear the pain." May she RIP, miss you Mom...
My daughter is 4. when she has to fart she stops wherever she is at, bends at the waist a little, grunts and lets it loose! She farts so loud I've blamed it on my husband many times! then she says "shooey" and waves her hand in front of her face lol!
That's ok. I'm a teacher and have farted in front I the class on more than one occasion. HOW EMBARASSING! But worse than that, one day I has my period and had put a tampon in the side pocket of my pants and forgot to button it. I demonstrated a forearm balance only to casually notice the tampon fall out into the floor in front of the entire class... With 2 new male students and some old ones. Yup, yoga can be an adventure!