On the Single Dad Laughing Facebook Page, I asked what was the funniest status update you’ve ever posted on your own Facebook wall. Your answers had me ROFLSHMCSCMD (bonus points to whoever can guess what that means).
- Relaying a conversation that happened at our house…Katie is telling us about the sex ed class she’s in right now. Her teacher apparently said “There are three types of sex: oral, vaginal, and anal.” Tim says without pause “I don’t want to hear anymore. Take your vagina upstairs.”
- Would I be arrested if I ran through a fire station yelling movie?
- I don’t care what you think of me. Unless you think I’m awesome. In which case, you’re right. Carry on.
- Accidentally wore a blue shirt and khaki pants to Best Buy this morning. Long story short…I think I have been promoted to assistant manager.
- If I opened a camera store called Photo Shop, do you think I’d get sued by Adobe?
- Never thought it possible to loathe a cartoon character, but it really wouldn’t phase me if one day Swiper decided to off Dora.
- My 3 year old Lucy: “My name of Lucy is not fancy. May you just call me Lucifer?”
- My ex has this thing where she likes to dress up like herself and act like a b**** all the time.
- I am proud to say that my a** is now large instead of extra large, thank you very much.
- Watching “Hoarders” — lets me look around my messy house and say, “Hey! At least all of my cats are alive.”
- I really wanted walnuts tonight. The only ones around were surrounded by brownie. Oh well… I play the hand I’m dealt.
- Yo Mama jokes aren’t as effective if you crack them at your own children.
- So….the kids taught the baby to say “oh, poop”, “butt” and “boob”. I guess I can check those off my to-do list now.
- Good Moms let their kids lick the beaters…Great Moms turn them off first.
- Nobody tells you when you bring home your baby boy that one day your job will be to put athletic cups into his undergarments…
- I’m a mom, what’s your super power?
- Made sloppy joes for dinner-so I guess all I have to do now is wait for FOOD NETWORK to call with my show offer!
- Me: Shut your cakehole! My son (without a moment’s pause): If you want me to shut my cakehole, put some CAKE in it!
- In art history today we learned that in prehistoric times, the ideal woman had ginormous boobs and hips, a big belly and a whole bunch of junk in the trunk…I am in the wrong millenium.
- Is it possible to pull a muscle rolling your eyes? I may have a work comp claim on my hands if things keep going this way…
- Woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on my face… Yes my kids found my Sharpie stash.
Oh my gosh, I just read them again. Too funny. Which were your favorites and what was the funniest Facebook status update you’ve ever posted?
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing