1. Skeleton walks into a bar… Says “gimme a beer and a mop.”
  2. What did the 300 lb rat say to the cat? (in a really deep, slow voice) here kitty kitty kitty.
  3. How do you get pikachu on the bus? Pokemon.
  4. What do you call a fish with two knees? A tuney fish.
  5. What’s pink and fluffy? Pink fluff. What’s blue and fluffy? Pink fluff holding it’s breath.
  6. What do you get when you cross a chicken with a dog? A pooched egg.
  7. What’s the difference between a duck? A: One of its legs is both the same.
  8. What kind of monkeys can fly? Hot air baboons!
  9. How did seagulls get their name? If they flew over the bay, they’d be “bagels”!
  10. What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? Salad Shooter!!
  11. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? “ARRRR”.”Ye’d think it’d be ‘R’ but me true love be the C.”
  12. A rope walks into a bar. Bartender says “We don’t serve ropes.” Rope goes outside and messes up his strings. Goes back into the bar. Bartender says “Hey, aren’t you that rope that was just in here?” Rope says “No. I’m a frayed knot….”
  13. What’s green and goes slam, slam, slam, slam? A four-door pickle.
  14. Perfect name for an Italian Funeral Home: Pasta Way.
  15. Knock, knock…. It’s open!
  16. What are Cats made of? Iron, lithium and Neon…. Fe Li Ne
  17. Four fonts walk into a bar, and the barman says, “Hey, get out! We don’t want your type in here.”
  18. Want to hear a joke about cats? Just kitten.
  19. How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler.
  20. What’s black and yellow and goes Zzub Zzub? A bee flying backwards.
  21. Why don’t Chinese folks have phone books? There are so many wings and wongs they are afraid they will wing the wong number!
  22. Have you ever heard the butter joke? I butter not tell you you might spread it.
  23. Want to hear a joke about Potassium? Sure. K.
  24. What did the cannibal say after he ate the clown? “That tasted funny.”
  25. A beautiful redhead went to an orthopedist with a knee injury. The doctor arrived, bent over her knee and said “What’s a joint like you doing in a nice girl like this?”
  26. I went to my psychic today and accidentally broke her crystal ball, ended up costing me a fortune.
  27. What do you call Irish man who sits around the pool all day? Paddy O’Furniture!
  28. One snowman to another, “Does it smell like carrots around here?”
  29. Knock knock! Who’s there? Confused Chicken.Confuse Chicken wh…..MOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
  30. What do you call a valley girl with one leg shorter than the other? Not even!
  31. A little boy went to church with his mom one Sunday, during the service he leaned over and told his mom he had to pee. His mom replied its rude to say pee in church, so if you need to go just say you need to whisper. The next week he was in church with his dad, he leaned over and told his had he needed to whisper. His dad replied well just whisper in my ear.
  32. What do you get if you put sets of twins in a tin? A can of pairs.
  33. What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi.
  34. What do you call a cow that just had a baby? Decalfiennated.
  35. Did you hear about the man who was accosted in his rice field by a brute wielding a ceramic figurine? It was the first reported case of a Knick Knack Paddy Whack.

OMG, where did you guys get all those?

You made my day. Now for those who are a little more adventurous…

WARNING, the next page is some of the completely inappropriate, politically incorrect, and more naaaaughty ones that you submitted. I laughed at them because I think laughing at the inappropriate jokes of life makes real life and real thinking more enjoyable. These definitely won’t be everyone’s cup of tea.

And if you don’t go to the next page, what’s your favorite short joke ever?

Also, this blog post has been recorded as a podcast.

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 2 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!