Wow, you are a naughty one, aren’t you. If you made it to this page, I think we can start giggling like little barely-teens having a sleepover. If you came to this page and you are embarrassed about that and don’t want anyone to know, that’s okay, you can come giggle with us and we won’t tell anyone. If you’re on this page to see just what kind of crap you can chew my butt out for, hang that hat up and come giggle with us anyway.

The LESS Appropriate Ones:

  1. What’s the difference between a snowman and a snow-woman? Snow balls.
  2. What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can unscrew a light bulb.
  3. What did one strawberry say to the other strawberry? If you weren’t so fresh last night we wouldn’t be in this jam!!
  4. Why don’t blind people skydive? Because it scares the shit out of their dogs.
  5. A young man goes in to buy condoms. The cashier says, “$14.50, Please”. The boy responds, “But the sign says $14?” “Plus tax,” says the cashier. “Tacks?! I thought you just rolled them on.”
  6. Two old men are sitting on a park bench. One turns to the other and asks, “How’s your wife?” The other replies, “I think she might be dead.” “What do you mean you *think* she’s dead?” “Well, the sex is the same, but the dishes are starting to pile up.”
  7. Why did the blonde think she could fly? Her maxi pad had wings.
  8. Little bear comes into the kitchen…”someone’s eaten all of my porridge!”, papa bear comes into the kitchen…”someone’s eaten all of MY porridge!” Mama bear.. “bitch, bitch, bitch. I haven’t even made it yet!”
  9. Why do bunnies have quiet sex? Cotton balls..
  10. Have you ever heard of Chirpies? It’s a canarial disease that is untweetable.
  11. What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? (Gag noise)
  12. You can lead a horticulture but you can’t make her think.
  13. Do you smoke after intercourse? I don’t know. I never looked.
  14. Finding a man at my age is like looking for a parking space at Walmart …. all the good ones have been taken & the rest are handicapped!
  15. What’s the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken.
  16. Why do they call it PMS?…Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
  17. Where does virgin wool come from? Uuuuuuuuuugly sheep.
  18. How do you catch a penguin? Cut a hole in the ice, sprinkle peas arond the hole. When the penguin comes to take a pee, kick it in the ice hole.
  19. What’s Mexican judo? Judo know if I got a knife, judo know if I got a gun…
  20. What’s the difference between a brown-noser and a shit head? Depth perception.
  21. A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past, looks up and says: “Hey Koala, what are you doing?” The koala says: “Smoking a joint. Come up and have some.” So the little lizard climbs up, sits next to the koala and they enjoy a large doobie. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is dry and he is going to get a drink from the river. But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river. A crocodile sees this, swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side then asks the little lizard: “What’s the matter with you?” The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to see this, and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting, with yet another joint. He looks up and says “Hey you!” The koala looks down at him and says… “Fu-u-u-u-c-c-k, Dude……. How much water did you drink?
  22. What happened to the dyslexic devil worshipper ? He sold his soul to Santa!
  23. What do you call a blonde haired skeleton in a closet? Last years hide and go seek winner!
  24. What’s brown and rhymes with “Snoop”? Dr. Dre.
  25. What is birth control for people over 40? Nudity….
  26. Wanna hear a joke about my bod? Oh wait, you’ll never get it.

Oh dear. I can’t believe I posted those ones.

Yes I can.

I just can’t believe you laughed.

Yes I can.


Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS. What’s your favorite short joke ever? (Let’s keep the comments to the non-naughty ones.)

PPS. Be sure to read Best Short Jokes Ever Vol. 1 and Best Short Jokes Ever Vol. 2!

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 2 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!