A while back I decided to ask one of my favorite questions to you over on the SDL Facebook page. “What is the funniest thing you’ve ever heard an old person say.”
More than a thousand of you replied, and your answers had me rollin’ on the floor ever since.
With more than a thousand, I have enough to make several posts out of my favorites. Bad news is, you only get one more of those posts today. Enjoy.
- I once asked an old lady how she was doing and she said, “Well, I’m doing a lot … But I’m only keeping the cute ones.” Then she cackled like a witch when she saw the look on my face. So funny.
- Almost forgot this one. I got my 76yo mom a Nook tablet, downloaded all her Jehovah’ Witness literature and Bible, etc into it. She was having a terrible time using it, and I encouraged to to just keep trying. She called me one day and proudly announced ” I’ve been playing around with it all day, and I think I’ve finally got my Nookie figured out”. I told her I didn’t think she should mention that at the Kingdom Hall.
- My grandma: “Well, your grandpa does a poor job of keeping me warm. He’s so skinny, if he turns sideways and sticks out his tongue he’d look like a zipper. I wish he could turn sideways and stick something else out to look like a half open zipper, but he can’t do that anymore!”
- I visited my 97-year-old grandpa last week. He said something to the effect of “Yeah, well I could die today, but why do today what you can put off til tomorrow.”
- My great gma “Well frost my ass and call me cupcake”. And in the hospital when her Dr pissed her off she told him to get his scrawny white a** out of her room before she got out of bed and kicked it out.
- My grandmother once asked her caregiver how she wipes her ass, because her acrylic nails were so long! Lol
- When I was a little girl my grandpa walked in to the living room just after I had finished getting my PJs on after bath. He looked at my wet hair and loudly exclaimed “That little girl needs a blow job!” Mom and Dad laughed until they couldn’t breathe and grandpa turned beet red and walked away shaking his head, all while I yelled “WHAT? What’s so funny?!?!” It was years before I understood why that got the reaction it did.
- My grandpa said this at his 80th birthday party 5 years ago “if I want to live to be as old as my grandad I’ll have to spend another 20 years with all you a**holes… No thanks.”
- In all seriousness: “Who do you have to sleep with to get a piece of cake around here” when she was apparently not getting cake fast enough at a relative’s wedding.
- I asked my 92 year old grandma if she wanted something to drink with her dinner, she replied,”Yes, a shot of whiskey.”
- My Grandma(who has alzheimers) just recently said “hi” & opened the front door to let someone in. But only to realize it was her reflection. When my Grandpa asked why she would open the door to a stranger she said “they looked familiar”.
- My grandma was driving with my mom to visit me in college…my mom got lost (which happens a lot) and they passed a town called Hancock twice…on the third pass my mom says to Gram “Oh look mom there’s Hancock again” my Gram says back “Well right now any cock will do!”
- My grandma asked my sister what college she was going to and what their mascot was. The answer was Oregon State and a beaver. Without missing a beat, my grandma asked, “Oh, is that an all-girl school?”
- I work in a call center and I was helping a customer enroll in a program and they said “I’m gonna haffta get on the google.”