the
post
visit the
blog
skip to
comments
lots more
sdl
get it in
your email

My KID said that?!

You know what they say… Kids say the darndest things. As a parent, I am reminded of that daily. Like when Noah this morning said, “Dad, if you take Spiderman and Batman and squish them together you get the freakiest bug ever.”

Ummm…

Anyway, in an attempt to feel like a normal parent, I asked you on the SDL Facebook Page what the funniest thing was that you’ve ever heard a kid say. Here are a few of your answers.

  1. When my daughter was 4 we were trying to explain jesuss death and ressurection. Afterwards she thought for a minute looked at me and her dad and said “So Jesus is a zombie?”
  2. “Mama, give me my dinner in a big bowl b/c a small bowl makes me eat too fast.” This was from my 8 year old..lol
  3. The sun was shining in my 4 yr old son’s eyes in the back seat of the car, and he was grumpy, and yelled ” Would someone PLEASE turn the sun OFF?!”
  4. My friend was pushing a stroller with another friend’s toddler who was overtired and screaming “no!” about being in the stroller. My friend, walking quickly along with her, began a sing-song “no no nono”. Shortly after my friend’s 4-yr-old son leaned over the stroller and told the toddler “today was brought to you by the letter no”.
  5. Student 1: oh no! The lizard isn’t moving. Is it sleeping? student 2: No. Its batteries died.
  6. “You should name my baby brother ‘Bacon’. Because everyone loves bacon!” (from my 4-year old niece, Ellie)
  7. “That’s not cheese! It’s macaroni juice!”
  8. I tried to explain to my almost 5 yrs. old son about the birth of his brother and how his father and I will be together and will see the baby being born. When I was about 7 months pregnant at a family party, my son blurted out, “I know you are going to see that baby went it comes out, but I can’t believe you didn’t see it go in!”
  9. My daughter saw me put a whole chicken in the oven to bake. “Ew, that looks like a kid!”.
  10. Five year old son, complaining about his sister not sharing the video game system: “Mom! (Sister)’s hogging the weed!” That would be “Wii” to the rest of us.
  11. My 6 year old daughter, Charlotte, when we were staying at my brother’s house said to me, “Mommy, are Uncle Tommy and Auntie Carla really rich?” Worried about where this was coming from I paused before starting a lecture and asked her why she thought so. She looked at me very seriously and said, ” Because, Mommy – they have REALLY good toilet paper!”
  12. While teaching my first grade class a student raises her hand and asks “Miss H-are you married?”…seeing this as the perfect opportunity to teach…Ms…Mrs etc….I began explaining. Before I could continue she says….can’t find a man to love you?….as I caught my breathe to respond the student next to her looked at me and said…..maybe its your hair…
  13. On a vacation where work was still haunting me my 8 yr old offered this advice: “Mommy, stop worrying about work. Just pull it out of your head, put it in your pocket and then take off your pants!”
  14. I know all about Jedi’s because I have them on my underpants.
  15. After practically begging her to finish toilet training my 3 year old sweet, beautiful girly saying “I love you mummy but I like pooing in my pants.”
  16. “Mom! Andy won’t get off the tramp and let me play with myself!”
  17. When my 3 year old realized her dad had shaved his beard – “Daddy, you cleaned your chin! You don’t have feathers anymore!”
  18. After purchasing the family Christmas Tree, my brother tied the Christmas Tree on his car to take home. His daughter looked ruefully up at the tree and then to her Daddy and said, “Why can’t we have the tree in the living room like everybody else?”
  19. When my son took his Fischer-Price Doctor stethoscope and put it to his heart, his face lit up as he said, “Mommy, come and listen to my heart–it’s making love!”
  20. Driving in the car at night with my daughter (she was 2 at the time)… “Mama, I have to go poopies, BAD!” Me: “Do you need me to pull over so you can go poopies in the grass?” She paused for a moment, then said, almost as if insulted, “I am not a dog.”

Continued on next page.

103 comments
JenCisler
JenCisler

I have to add one, albeit too late for the post. It's more scary than anything. I work in child care and one particularly difficult 4 year old child was being disruptive at naptime. I told her, "you don't have to sleep, but you do need to sit and be quiet." She looked me dead in the eyes, grabbed my wrists, and replied, "I'm going to cook you and watch you die."

jessbaker2003
jessbaker2003

When my daughter was 6months or so, her then 3 year old brother called his 3 year old cousin over as I changed her diaper. He sounded real sad as he said "look Alex, she has 2 butts" lol

addieg1982
addieg1982

I was about 13, and my brother around 4 years old when he came out of the bathroom after taking a shower. He was wearing a too-small bathrobe and clutching his genitals. He stood at the top of the stairs calling for me until I came to the base. "Mommy," he said very seriously (he called me Mommy and Sissy interchangeably until his late teens, which made for many other awkward moments), "Something's wrong with my balls! Do your balls ever hurt?" I told him I didn't have any, so they never hurt, but I'd find dad for him to talk to. That was one discussion definitely better left to his dad and (true) mom. 

BigMama_1974
BigMama_1974

My three year old, when I catch her sitting on the counter taking a bite out of each cookie, "Just checking to make sure they are still good for you, I don't want you to get sick".

mandymullins82
mandymullins82

These are hilarious! xDD


Regarding #11, though...I fail to see why a child asking their parent if a relative (who isn't present) is rich warrants a lecture...it's just a question.

mandymullins82
mandymullins82

These are hilarious! xD 

Regarding #11, though...I fail to see why a child asking if someone's rich would warrant a lecture...

moongirlkf
moongirlkf

The little boy that lived next door was taking a bath and his mom ran to the other room to grab him some underwear. When she came back he was holding his no no spot and she asked what he was doing. He replied, "Ya know those squirrels come down and eat nuts and I don't want them to steal mine." He was 4.

Sammy_ch
Sammy_ch

I asked my daughter (who was few months short of turning 4, then) one morning what she wants for breakfast n she goes "nothing". I asked why and she answered "I am playing Spiderman". I told her ok but why not eat something first and she smugly replied "I can't eat 'coz spiderman don have a mouth!!!!".......

Around the same time,  newly  fully-potty trained, she was playing ROBOT (all talking n walking like a robot), I was repeatingly prompting her to go do pee pee as it had been a few hours since she went to the wash room. Finally she replied in a ROBOT voice.." NO MA-MA" on asking why, she goes " RO-BOTS - DON - DO -  PEE-PEE"!!!!........  (DUHHHHHH Mom!!!).

Nykee 'Zambuto' Lillich
Nykee 'Zambuto' Lillich

Soo, my 3 year old recently told me that my 4 year old called her a "Growm-Up Word". I asked my four year old what she said, she she didn't want to tell me. I told her that I needed to know what she called her sister, and that she could say it this time so I would know. She mumbled, "@$$hole." So, I told her it was not a nice thing to say, etc etc etc. As I was walking out of the room, I heard her say, "Rach, I always call you an @$$hole and you've never told on me before. Why'd you do that?" Hahahahaha. What the heck?

KTfish
KTfish

I was talking to my friend on the phone day and heard her then 4yr old son trying to guess who she was talking to. After about ten guesses she told him it was me and he said "oh K?! I miss K. Mom, is she still white?" "yes son she's still white" (they are black) He said that every time he saw me for about a whole year. Cracks me up!

Lindsay
Lindsay

My little boy is allergic to peanuts. He came home from his year-end preschool party and told me that he wasn't allowed to have certain toppings on his ice-cream sundae because, "My teacher was scared I might have a peanut ERACTION (reaction)."

KristinaVilo
KristinaVilo

Last Sunday at church,all of the little ones in our church were having Children's Time with the Pastor where they sit and talk with Pastor in front of the congregation before going to Children's Church. My 3 year old son proudly declared "I'm a boy and Mommy's a girl!", which prompted my 5 year old son to add "That's because we have a penis but she doesn't". It's good to know that the anatomy lesson stuck!

Bobbi Jo
Bobbi Jo

My 3 year old told me he had to go potty one day while we were on a long road trip. I asked him to hold it until I could find a rest area and suddenly he says "Mommy! I can't hold it anymore I'm gonna drop it! My pee is gonna drop!!!!!!"

MikeRaven
MikeRaven

My three year old son this afternoon said "I love you" to his mum.  I tried to prompt him to say I love you to me, but instead he said "Want milk".


Kids huh? :)    http://bit.ly/10vhHY9

MelendineJeremiah
MelendineJeremiah

I remember saying once when I was about 6 that "You mean Mushroom Soup is made out of MUSHROOMS?!" It went from being my favourite lunch to something I would never eat.

DarleneM
DarleneM

When my daughter was little, (6-ish) she tried explaining the growing up process to her 3 year old brother:  "A, when you are a little boy you have a little penis, but when you grow up you will have a big penis like daddy."  She went on to say "I am a little girl, so my 'gina is little but Mommy is big and her 'gina is BIIIIIIIIIIIIIG!"  Her father and I almost died laughing.

Roxanne Stacey McNamara
Roxanne Stacey McNamara

lol yeah he comes up with some good ones, we don't even say 'snuggle' anymore, we call it 'nuggling' now because that's how he's always said it lol

Catie Plowman
Catie Plowman

I can remember a little kid I spent time with in childhood pointing to a truck that had covers on for the night and say "Look, Mum, that truck has clothes on!" I think it was also this same kid who, in response to his mum saying she would get rid of the cat if it threw up in the house one more time, say in a really quiet and scared voice with HUGE eyes "Will you send us kids to the RSPCA if we throw up in our beds again?"

Laurinda Maydowatevershewants Lee
Laurinda Maydowatevershewants Lee

My 4yo son out for walk with his brother, me n grandies, was getting on dark, heard a dog barking on section, can you hear that dog barking Jay? yes I have dark eyes

momoftrixie
momoftrixie

We were in an elevator that moved quickly up and down.  The first time we were on it and we went down several floors without stoping, my son said "Oh, that tickled my pee pee!"  I thought the man in the elevator with us was going to die laughing!

EmmaJewel
EmmaJewel

when CJ was three:  "Papa, your mustache used to be brown.. and then you got fat!"

Elaine MacDonnell
Elaine MacDonnell

"mommy doesn't have a penis. She has a mustache" is just the funniest!!

Rhonna Gentile
Rhonna Gentile

My 5 year old son got out of the bathtub and the bathroom was a little chilly. In a panic he yells "Mom! My little balls are gone! They went on vacation without me!"

Kristi Wing
Kristi Wing

My gradnmother was very sick and in the hospital. I was explaining to my son that she was very sick and that she may die soon. I likened it to when our family dog died, which was the only experience that he had with death. I thought that I had done a pretty good job of comforting and giving him age appropriate information. *sigh* Then, I get a note from his teacher (who luckily has a great sense of humor) who asked him why he looked so sad. My son had said, "My Nana is in the hosptal, she is very very sick, we might have to put her down soon."

Mattman
Mattman

My six year old said to me as he tried to convince me that it wasn't a bath night.  "Dad, you're dreaming in peanut butter."

I guess he'd heard the "Dreaming in technicolor" expression before...

Marjorie Leandro
Marjorie Leandro

I can't comment on the blog itself - Livefyre says I have the wrong password but nothing shows up in my Inbox or Junk when I click for password retrieval - but one of the funniest things my son has said in awhile needs to be shared. He's obsessed with drawing car washes and my husband said "Buddy, you're drawing way too many car washes." and our son says "I can stop whenever I want." We laughed about that for days!

calicogirl416
calicogirl416

My 6 yr old son "Mommy, can you hold that thought while I finish my thought?!"

The Good Twin @ thewinetwins.blogspot.com


ancella85
ancella85

My 11-year old piano student upon learning how to write accidentals and key signatures: "So we put the hashtags in front of the notes, eh?"
Then I felt really really really old...
#twittergeneration

Joleen McKay
Joleen McKay

My 2 year old daughter's favorite snacks are 'damn cackers'. AKA graham crackers.

Holly
Holly

My 3 year old was being particularly bossy on a long car ride back home.  Finally getting feed up I tell her, "Ana you are not the boss, I am the parent and what I say goes." It gets quite for a minute and then I hear in a very stern voice, "No your the Mommy boss but I am the Mini Boss!"  Another favorite of mine is when I had to get her in trouble for misbehaving.  She turns around and promptly tells me that I broke her feelings. 

boysmama
boysmama

When my son was going through his fascination with the Spanish language phase, we somehow ended up talking about the difference between boy and girl body parts.  I explained that I don't have a penis like him, and said that I just have a hole there.  So he said "oh, boys have a penis and girls have a hole."  I didn't want to leave him thinking that, so I said "boys have a penis, and girls have a vagina" to which he replied "is vagina Spanish for hole?"

Corina C
Corina C

To reduce the number of disputes in our home, we assigned alternating days of the week to our twins. The day of the week determined who got to go first, choose first etc. First day of kindergarten, girls are sitting in the circle with all their classmates when the teacher asks " Does anybody know what day it is?". Quick as lightening twin B's hand shoots up and she tells everyone very confidently " It's MY day." . Oh my the looks she got!.

Corina C
Corina C

I was talking about little  G's daddy whose name is Rich. I kept getting as far as " G's daddy, Rich.."  only to be interrupted about 10 times by Miss N who kept exclaiming with wide open eyes.."G's daddy is Rich!?". My husband , not understanding her interpretation of   the conversation , kept repeating, "Yes, G's daddy is Rich." Her reply was the same but more incredulous and her eyes bigger each time he said it.  Listening to the two of them left no doubt about the shared DNA.  So Miss N is now convinced that G's daddy has very great monetary resources and that his name,  Richard has nothing to do with anything.

Alana3821
Alana3821

My kids call my in-laws Nannee and Pa; my MIL is the babysitter for us during the day. On WEdnesday, we had dentist appointments scheduled, so I took the day off to spend with the girls  We were leaving their house and my 3 yr old says, I'm going to miss Nannee and Pa.  I said Nannee and Pa will miss you too but Nannee gets the day off from  tomorrow so i'm sure she's going to enjoy it.  My 3 yr old sayd, Nannee may get a break from us, but she NEVER gets a break from Pa!

Kris
Kris

All of these were great, thanks! One funny quote from my nephew - he was about 3 or 4 yrs. old and he said, "...if you're getting chased by an octopus, does it reach out with its testicles to grab you?" Ha!

DeniseRambo
DeniseRambo

My father died long before my son was born. The first time I took my son to the cemetery to put Easter flowers on his grave, The Boy was about 3. On the way there I told him where we were going and what we were going to do. When I pulled up to the gate of the cemetery, The Boy asks "My Pa-Pa lives HERE?" sounding confused. When I said he was buried there, he asked "He is a MONSTER?" in a kind of horrified tone of voice. When we got to the gravesite, he wouldn't get out of the car but let me leave the door open. I took the flowers and tools over the headstone and knelt down. When I got the trowel out, he screamed "DON'T DIG!!!!" I couldn't stop laughing.

bjean
bjean

My friend's 8yo son was looking frantically for a specific one of many bags of rocks he likes to collect. Finally she said, " I'm sorry - you have so many -- when I was cleaning I put them back in the river." He looked stunned for a moment, then said, "No Mommy, that can't be what happened -- you never clean!" The same kid, when a toddler, was always yanking on his penis. Mom finally said, "If you keep doing that, you'll pull it off!" A few days later, while sharing a bath with his sister, he suddenly gasped in horror and said, "Look, Mommy -- she pulled hers off!"

JessicaGordonPrentice
JessicaGordonPrentice

My 5 year old was pretending to be a surgeon.  After getting out his contruction tools to saw open my chest to fix my twisted up lungs, he informed me I couldn't breathe until it was done.  Then he wiped his hands together and said "ok, I'm going on my lunch break".

ElaineMaze
ElaineMaze

They were running Father's Day specials one day, and my 4 yr old son was sitting in my lap watching them; I'm divorced and raising my kids by myself.  My son was sitting there quietly and then suddenly said, "Wish I had a dad."  I choked and said the first thing that popped into my head, "I know you do, sweetheart."  He thought for a split second and replied, "Tomorrow?  Can I have one tomorrow?"

Carson Caeli
Carson Caeli

I'm actually crying I laughed so hard, especially at the last 10 or so.

AshleyPalmer
AshleyPalmer

@ancella85 I was teaching eighth notes, and the kids asked why there were two pairs hooked together. When I told them the computer automatically writes them like that, one little girl said, "Oh, you mean like auto-correct on my iPhone?" Why yes, I guess so...

lngrid
lngrid

@Holly My daughter (4) tells me I "emptied her bucket" when I get her in trouble.