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The Harsh & Hurtful Reality of Being Bisexual

Today I want to take you all on a little journey though my Facebook since I started dating the Farmer’s Daughter, and then at the end, let’s have a little discussion about it (the last page is probably the most important). I will share a different photo (three total) that I’ve shared on Facebook, as well as a few of the comments that followed.

All of these photos and discussions happened on my personal account. Not on my SDL account. I have two places on Facebook that people can follow me. One is my Single Dad Laughing facebook page. The other is my personal account which pretty much never has anything to do with my blog, It’s a Facebook account just like you or anyone else has.

Anyway, let’s start with this photo. Which I posted yesterday.

dan-pearce-sarah-jensen-farmers-daughter

Here are a small handful of the comments that followed. If you get the idea, you can skip to the bottom, that’s cool.

From a few of the people I actually know in real life:

friends2b

friends1b

friends3b

friends4b

From a few of the people I don’t know who follow publicly, starting with one long thread that started right off the bat.

comments1

And some more debate and commentary that followed.

comments2

There were lots more. I think that shows the mix of comments, though.

Go to page two for the next photo. This will help keep the discussion in the comments organized, I hope. Or, skip straight to page 4 to skip the other photos and jump into the rest of the post.

1913 comments
Michelle
Michelle

Your love story is beautiful!! Have a happy valentine's day!

yespleasemore69
yespleasemore69

I feel so badly for your have to experience such terrible comments surrounding your personal life. SO many people judge when they don't have the right to. I hope you and Sara can make it through this and be a stronger happier loving couple together. 

stinknus
stinknus

So I just recently realized that I was Bi. It is frustrating, because recently thinking back on my life where this puzzle piece is so obvious in hindsight.So much that, I felt everyone else knew already knew it. everyone but me. In middle school my best friend was gay, I didn't know because he was always pawing at my sister. Just like the rest of my friends. Something that I was completely and utter frustrated with. except when it was just me and him, looking back he took close to me not just because we lived down the street and had alot of the same classes together. Its because he felt comfortable, he didn't have to hide behind pretending he was straight because. I love my sister, but I wasn't in love with my sister like my other friends were. So without a conversation about it we going through the uncertainty together, but didn't have to pretend a certain identity . And when people would bring up the topic of sex, I always felt a knot in my stomach. In highschool I moved on to different friends because of ditching my religion. And my friend asked the question which starlet would you like to bang. Something that is on the tip of the tongue for everyone else. I felt that knot, and hesitated... and said I don't remember her name. He responded with a confused looked, So me panicking I responding only with the name of someone that I was mentioned previously already. Later that week a girl I thought was attractive hugged me. but I didn't the feeling I thought I would, what I thought would be a happy event. was only met with my awkward smile and an uneasy feeling. I now know my highschool friend set that up, to gauge my reaction. looking back I remembered that smirk and him softly saying "I knew it". I'm 24 now, and I was in denial for years. everyone knew but me...

Elfie
Elfie

Also bi. And gosh darnit but I have heard EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HOSE DAMN COMMENTS! I wish you and Sarah well in your love- love is love and that's why I've never really given an ass about the gender of my partner- just loved (or lusted!) them as person for who they are. 

victoriaumbrellacoaching
victoriaumbrellacoaching

Thanks for posting. Most people don't get how it's so hard being bisexual. They think it's easier than being gay, which is not the case in many instances. I would say there is a queer community and a bi community and a bi-queer community and loads of other communities that are accepting and wonderful, so please don´t give up. And I do believe that haters are gonna hate. We all have to deal with it, though I'm sorry that you have to put up with so much crap.

AuthorHarrieFarrow
AuthorHarrieFarrow

Thank you for posting this. I can relate. I have shared this on Twitter and Reddit. I will soon be e-publishing my novel which is about a bisexual man struggling to be himself.

Kb
Kb

Bisexuality is such a difficult thing. After I broke up with my girlfriend and started dating, I dated a guy for a while. The "I'm glad you got over your phase" and "I knew you were just experimenting" comments got so old so quickly! My sexuality is not a "phase" nor is it ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS! Keep your head up, congratulations on your beautiful love. xoxo

Krystal9804
Krystal9804

I have three children, all toddlers right now (3,5&6) and my biggest, most important wishes for them are to be healthy and happy in life...and to find love, a true love that will last a life time.  That love can come as man, woman, gay, strait, bi, green, purple, tattoos...whatever!  As long as they treat them the way the deserve and love them than who the heck cares.  Why on earth would I deny ANYONE the awesomeness that is love just because it doesn't fit nicely into some small minded box??!!  This is where I struggle with Christianity...or all religion.  I will NOT tolerate any of my family believing that they are better than any other one person just because of their skin color, sexuality, faith or financial status.  That erks me to no end and I jus think it's plain WRONG. 

That being said, I will not lie and say that if I found out that one of my kids are gay or bi that I wouldn't be sad.  NOT disappointed...but as a mother, sad in the sense, that, as you have shared, it creates some challenges in life and there are already so many challenges and it saddens me that I will not be able to shield them from the people who will shun them and make them feel wrong or dirty.  I just pray that by time my kids are older that our society is more open to things like sexual orientation.  In a perfect world, there would be no judgment just people who support one another, who love a person for WHO they are and not for what fits in their personal "box" of what's right or normal.

I am a strait woman who basically has it all (well, all except money, lol)...I am happily married (9yrs this week) I have three beautiful children and even with that picture of "perfection"...I have had my own battle with judgment. 

About two years ago I was diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) or Anxiety disorder (depending on the doctor you talk to).  And I can tell you that even from people I know, love and respect has said that they don't understand people labeled with things like this...happiness is a state of mind.  What makes me special?

I have struggled with this myself.  The day I finally broke and went to the doctor to admit I had a problem that was effecting my day to day life, I cried, and remember mentioning the stigma that goes along with titles like these and how I don't understand why I'm struggling so much when my life is so wonderful.

What I'm not mentioning, and what my doctors know is that our first born, our first son, Mason was born still-born...that was our very fist experience as parents.  And then, our second daughter had serious health problems which landed us at CHOP (Childrens Hospital of Philadelphia) for over two years and ended in two brain surgeries...all the while, in those two plus years, dealing with our daughters multiple seizures every day. I was scared every day. I was under immense stress every day, it was the norm to give my own breath to my daughter...it was the norm to fear that she would not come out of her seizure in time...it was the norm to fear that there would be brain damage...it was the norm to fear that she was going to die...to lose ANOTHER child.

No, I did not go to war...I did not go through what those brave men and women did, for the good of man kind and our country....

I am a mother who lived in fear for a long period of time....I am a mother who has a child in heaven...a mother who fought for her daughters health, who watched day after day as seizures took life out of her...I am a mother who had to put my faith into a surgeon and believe that he wasn't going to kill my baby.  I was a mother who in all four of my pregnancies had to be hospitalized and put on bed rest for the safety of the baby...fearing that history would repeat itself.

It took a long time to not judge myself.  Labels can be so harmful and emotionally damaging.  Instead, if we had people in our life who saw that we needed support, in whatever manor that is,  without judgment, we would all be better off.  You DONT know everyone's story, you have not WALKED in THIER SHOES...so stop judging.  The body is an amazing machine...yet it is often confusing...we cant explain everything...why does she like girls, why does he like boys...why is he "different".  All you can know for sure is someone's heart, which they will show.  So instead, judge someone by WHO they are at heart...not what makes them "different"  ALL judgment hurts. 

Thank you for sharing and I wish you well.  Whomever you find love with, hold onto it and bask in the happiness <3

SamJackson1
SamJackson1

yeah. I completely agree. I don't care what sexuality you are and don't think it even needs to be discussed since I am not following you because of your personal life. I just enjoy your gift for wit and entertainment. I care about your personal life, sure - since it comes out in writing, but am just happy to see you happy.  ok, yes and jealous at your mushiness :)

rubberduckiesmom
rubberduckiesmom

I'm not reading the other comments here. I already know how I feel about this. I am so glad you have (or are trying to) accept yourself for who you truly are. (I don't know which is your current status about this, which is why I worded it like I did. I also am not asking, nor do I expect you to say, which is your status on accepting yourself. It really isn't my business.)

I'm only writing to say I wish you nothing but happiness, regardless of whom you fall in love with. It doesn't matter to me who's gay, who's straight, who's bisexual, rich, poor, black, white, Christian, Atheist, or whatever else..... I choose to judge based on content of character. At least, I truly do try to judge people based on character AFTER I get to know them. Other people's preferences, beliefs, and practices are none of my business UNLESS they DIRECTLY affect me or my child.  I will listen to them talk about them if they wish, but even then I really try to refrain from judging them or making judgmental comments. I may ask questions if they are up for it, or share my own beliefs without passing judgement, but that's it.

All this rambling to say this: I hope you have been able to accept yourself the way you are (or at least come a lot closer to accepting yourself). I hope everyone else realizes that as long as you and Noah are happy, nothing else in this whole gay/straight/bisexual debate matters to anyone but you and your partner (And, of course, Noah). I wish you a life of love, regardless of gender of your partner. I wish you peace, both from yourself and from everyone else. I wish you and Noah (and the Farmer's Daughter) all the happiness you can stand.

And I send you all love from myself. It takes courage to say you're anything but straight. I can't imagine what it feels like to have all those comments thrown at you, from both family and strangers. I can only hope that the comments from family and friends come from some attempt to understand and process the information themselves, even if it isn't really their business to understand. And I can only hope that you brush off the comments from strangers as much as you can. 

Amanda
Amanda

It is difficult not being accepted in either the gay or the straight community, but the growing number of out-of-the-closet bisexuals is starting to make it easier to find a "safe" group of people to be yourself around and is starting to bring about public awareness. Most of those people are very, very young though,  so a lot of thirty-somethings and up are left out. And because the majority of the people in our culture tend to be heterosexual, finding a same-sex partner is much harder than finding a partner of the opposite sex. Someone who feels bisexual or pansexual or whatever may never experience anything other than a heterosexual relationship their entire lives. This doesn't make how they feel any less real.

The important thing to remember about being different from the norm is that, "those who matter don't care, and those who care don't matter". The people who are real friends will always accept you for who you are. The rest? "Well, fuck 'em," as my father would say.

GriffinChick
GriffinChick

I only recently started following you, around the time you posted about ways you ruined your marriage (been there!). I had no idea you were part of the LGBT community until coming across this article today. I know I'm a little late, but welcome, lol. You're lucky to have found such a beautiful connection with someone, regardless of gender. Grats on moving in together! On an unrelated note, I'm praying for your family and Chappy. My heart goes out to you all.

2227IamForeverMommy2425
2227IamForeverMommy2425

Thank you for being so open and honest. Thank you for not getting discouraged and giving up on your blog. It's wonderful. People have forgotten how to be truthful to themselves and other people. We all have to fit somewhere, or at least we all want to. It's hard to find people to love and who will love you for who you really are. You're a beautiful person, with a beautiful heart and soul to go with it. I wish you and your son all the happiness in the world, and good luck in your relationship.

gold dust woman
gold dust woman

I am bisexual. I would never have said anything had I not fallen in love with a woman. When that happened, I came out as a lesbian because I actually thought that would be easier than dealing with the stigma, confusion and horribleness of being bisexual. I thought she and I would be together for ever so it didn't really matter if the label was totally accurate. It was bad enough that I had to explain to my family that I was dating a woman. I couldn't bear the idea of explaining to them what being bisexual meant and to be honest, I didn't fully understand it back then. So I thought being a lesbian would be the easier road and I took it.

Then we broke up and that pretty much shot my lesbian plans all to hell. Now I am dating a wonderful man but still haven't "come out" as bisexual to most people in my life and I don't intend to.  They can call me whatever they want. I am just me. I am happy with my boyfriend and he is happy with me and anyone who has an issue with that can pretty much just suck it.

So thank you for this post. For saying everything so well and especially for pointing out the things that bisexuals AREN'T. Those things I didn't want to have to defend myself against. I am grateful that you found the strength and courage to do it not only for yourself but to put it out there publicly for the rest of us as well. I started following your blog only recently, for the humor, but this really touched me. Thank you.

abbe
abbe

I am bisexual. I would never have said anything had I not fallen in love with a woman. When that happened, I came out as a lesbian because I actually thought that would be easier than dealing with the stigma, confusion and horribleness of being bisexual. I thought she and I would be together for ever so it didn't really matter if the label was totally accurate. It was bad enough that I had to explain to my family that I was dating a woman. I couldn't bear the idea of explaining to them what being bisexual meant and to be honest, I didn't fully understand it back then. So I thought being a lesbian would be the easier road and I took it.

Then we broke up and that pretty much shot my lesbian plans all to hell. Now I am dating a wonderful man but still haven't "come out" as bisexual to most people in my life and I don't intend to.  They can call me whatever they want. I am just me. I am happy with my boyfriend and he is happy with me and anyone who has an issue with that can pretty much just suck it.

So thank you for this post. For saying everything so well and especially for pointing out the things that bisexuals AREN'T. Those things I didn't want to have to defend myself against. I am grateful that you found the strength and courage to do it not only for yourself but to put it out there publicly for the rest of us as well. I started following your blog only recently, for the humor, but this really touched me. Thank you.

Jburkholder723
Jburkholder723

I just read this and I think by far this is one of the best posts I have read from you. My opinion is who cares do what makes you happy and your family happy and go from there everyone else is just a visitor in your world.

not so simply me
not so simply me

I once got a real nasty attack by a female bisexual because of my definition of my bisexuality (i.e. I fall in love with a person, not with their sexual organs, - and love needs no labels, - that sentence angered her the most, who would've thunk?). I concluded I was wrong then and have since seen myself as some kind of pansexual... but that doesn't seem to fit either. I am in a "straight" relationship, have been for almost 20 ys now,my first ever shot at a real relationship, never got to actually live my love for the girls. I am sure I would have grown into a whole different person if I had. Maybe even happier? Who knows as I've never really been there...

Drea
Drea

Thank you for "I'm bisexual, but...". Obviously there is a lot of confusion about bisexuality. I feel like I have a better understanding now. I have friends who are bisexual and probably have more who I don't know are bisexual. It's not important.

I think it's always hard for people to understand anything outside of their own experiences. I have struggled with infertility for years (and have also adopted the most beautiful mixed race boys you could imagine), and people will say things like, "Don't worry, it will happen for you." Or give you ridiculous suggestions like drinking mint tea. Because that worked for them. But my experience is my own. People who have gotten pregnant have no idea what it's like for me. 

I have no idea what it's like for you or the Farmer's Daughter. It's not something that I've experienced. I appreciate your willingness to be open about this and am grateful that you are able to be yourself. I'm thankful to live in a world with so much diversity, and yet we can just be a community, because we're all humans first. Our differences and experiences are secondary. 

Bridg
Bridg

I've just found your blog and can see that I might spend several hours catching up. I Love your writing style and the honesty with which you write. For what it's worth, i think fixed notions of sexuality are seriously over-rated and I'm generally dis-interested in other people's private lives, as I'm sure they are with mine. Love is love,  I don't have a 'type' and applaud your efforts to make people see the validity and complexity of this. I'm sorry you're getting so many ill-informed and narrow minded responses, even from people who you'd think would know better. Bridg

NatashaSmith
NatashaSmith

I am bisexual, its not something i share with everyone, b u its not something i hide either. I've known since i was very young tha i liked females as well as males. Some of mu first experiments were with girls, although my first actual truly sexual relationships was with james. Its not easy being bisexual. In my area most people dont judge which makes it a little easier, however my first hurtful response was from my grandma so i told her i was kidding, but truly i wasnt. My husband understands who and what i am and is very supportive. We dan admire beautiful women together, but being this way can be very hard emotionally and very hurtful. Thank you for being you dan!!

kgmom219
kgmom219

Somehow, I stumbled upon this blog from a picture that a friend liked on FB, read the questions and then clicked on this link.  WHAT A GREAT CLICK.

My sister and I are 15 years apart, we have never lived together, but as adults we have become closer and I really try to be a the best big sis possible.  In the last 5 years or so, she has gone from living with men, to women and back again. I make a point to be supportive, tell her partner is hot, ask about them, etc.  I admit, I haven't ever figured it out.  I get gay.  I get straight.  But I don't (didn't) get back and forth or bisexual.  After reading this, I totally get it.  So on behalf of my sister and myself, thanks so much for writing this!!! 

jbhcarpenter
jbhcarpenter

Love is love... it isn't a color or a gender or a mood or a fashion trend. It is simply love. People who cannot accept that you have the capacity to see beyond some societal or religous boundaries, and into the heart and soul of someone you are drawn to have lifetimes of learning and growing ahead.

I have said for years now that I am drawn to energy and the package it comes in is not important.

I don't know if that labels me to others, my heart just wants who it wants... that's all Iknow about that.


A Krawciw
A Krawciw

Same boat, sir. My parents deny it, my sister is ashamed... I've had an ex that nearly beat me black and blue over it (as an excuse). I've dabbled with the label demi. Nothing quite works. It has taken a long time to come to terms with it. I am... attracted to people that meet criteria. Male, Female, Trans... doesn't matter. They meet the personality critera, and the physical just follow.  Thanks for being a voice on a large boat.

BrittneyJohnson
BrittneyJohnson

Thank you for sharing this.  I have known this pain.  I have heard many of those phrases thrown at me.  It has been so frustrating in the past... but it has also provided learning points for myself.  Love is love.  I fall in love with the person, not their privates.  I know myself and that's good enough.

AngelDuval
AngelDuval

I understand what you are saying and for me its just been easier to say Im a lesbian, than the label my ex gave me of "situationally bisexual" which to her means that IF I find the right guy I can love a man as much as a woman.

LauraVolin
LauraVolin

Sending only good wishes and love to you and Sarah. I am happy for both of you, love is so precious, just grab it and hold on tight. You love her, she loves you, that's all that matters. Be happy.

RaymondWeaver
RaymondWeaver

Do what these 3 signs I saw at a Jimmy Johns restaurant had up in there store: Work like you don't need the money, Love like you've never been hurt, and Dance like nobody's watching :)

Ashley
Ashley

My brother is gay, but every now and again, he'll like a girl. And he'll have a fully functioning relationship with her, including in the bedroom (my family is far too open about these kinds of things--lol). The thing is, he is who he is, and he likes who he likes. My only issue with my brother's love life is that he moves too quickly in relationships, regardless of who he's with, but my issue is not with who he is with or what parts they have. If he identifies as gay, even if he sometimes (albeit rarely) likes women, then he's gay in my book. If he'd identify as bisexual (which he doesn't), he'd be bisexual. His identity is his own, just like yours is your own or anyone else's is their own. It's really no one else's business, and no one's right to try to put you into a box based on something like your sexuality. Unless I'm the one dating someone, I don't generally care who they like.

NikkiStraker
NikkiStraker

It's so sad that you even had to write this post, Dan. Dr. Suess said it best. "The people that mind, don't matter. And the people that matter, won't mind"

Keep being awesome.

Lynn Wilder Burrett
Lynn Wilder Burrett

Being a bisexual female, I TOTALLY feel you!  How ironic it is that str8 people are telling you that you are actually straight and that gay people are telling you that you are actually gay.  Behind transgendered people, I think we are the 2nd most misunderstood group of people.

dreamfeathermassage
dreamfeathermassage

I'm attracted to certain females.   My husband is attracted to certain males.   We will be together 19 years this October and celebrate our 16th wedding anniversary on the same day.    
We've both been open and honest about this since the beginning and neither of us has an issue with it.   We are the love of each other's life.   That means that we love the PERSON that the other is....not the gender.   
It's not the equipment that matters (ultimately)...what matters is who that person is and who YOU are when you are with them...and who they are when they are with YOU.    
When you lift each other up.   When you are better together than apart.   When that person adds to you...helps you to be more the person you want to be...when your life is better for having that person in it.   
THAT is love.   
And what is between their legs doesn't matter.

Nancy
Nancy

Great post Dan. Thank you. I am a heterosexual female who fully accepts others as they are, homosexual, bi-sexual, black or green, because I believe that is how they were born and made by a loving God. As you and many others have said in so many words, why on earth would anyone CHOOSE to be "other than straight"? They wouldn't. They just wouldn't. That said, it doesn't mean I can understand much less relate to those "other than straight" because I can't. That said, after reading this post, I have to tell you I have a far better understanding of bi-sexuality (not to mention homosexuality) than I ever have before because it gave me something to think about that I never have before. No matter who you fall in love with, straight, gay or bi, if they love you back and you both commit to be together and stay together, even if you are at some point attracted to someone else (no matter what your or their sex or sexual orientation), you won't stray from who you are committed to if you are truly committed and have the morals to live up to your commitment to work hard to stay in love even when you think you aren't. A committed and moral bi-sexual should not feel the need or desire to stray any more than a committed and moral heterosexual. The sexual orientation does not matter. What matters is who the person is and who they love. That's all. My apologies if that doesn't make sense. I am typing on my phone and it is difficult to edit. Suffice it to say, I get it now. And I thank you for that. As I said at the beginning of this post, I have always accepted it, just not understood it. But I get it now on so many levels. And again, I thank you for that. I wish you and the farmer's daughter a lifetime of happiness. Nancy

Alison1
Alison1

I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this - you're right, it's totally unfair.  I have a few bisexual friends and I hear the same stories from them and it sucks.  You are who you say you are, and no one else has any right or ability to tell you you're something other than that.  

Have you ever considered simply deleting the negative comments?  Don't address them, don't reply to them, just delete them.  It won't take the hurt away, but it gives a tiny amount of satisfaction and ends that thread of conversation.  It might even have the added benefit of chasing away some of those hateful people, who might stop commenting if their posts are consistently deleted.  (If they even have the awareness to pick up on it, that is, which is debatable.)

Good luck.  And go right along with annoying everyone with your mushy photos.  If anything, do it more than you have been.  You've been blessed and you have every right to enjoy it.

MGreer
MGreer

Thank you for spending what is arguable *your precious time* trying to educate people (yet again) about what it means to accept. I am beyond thrilled that someone has said "by the way just because someone reveals something personal about themselves publicly, doesn't make it open season and your personal beeswax forevermore." (Obviously I am paraphrasing). So thank you. I hope you get  to enjoy this sweet time in your new relationship more now that you have written this. 

Also, as a bi-female, I *love* the list of things that bi-sexuals *aren't*!!!! All so true. Someday I will own the t-shirt that says "I am Bi, Pagan and Poly and I still won't sleep with you!" The assumptions that people make out of ignorance are just *huge* (and gross).

Cheers!

AshleyOConnell
AshleyOConnell

The most important thing in life is to be happy with yourself.  I wish you the best.  WHY DO YOU CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK?  Keep that in mind when you get down on yourself.  Be open with your new found love and if problems arise keep yourself in check.  In the past, I have noticed that men who are bisexual tend to get what I would call "withdrawals" from other men.  Just be careful. 

guest
guest

I am attracted to both Males and Females.  I have been married for 10 years to a wonderful man and we have 4 beautiful children.  He knows that I am attracted to females.  Nobody else does though. I have never cheated, I don't gawk at beautiful people walking by.  We are completely committed to each other.  We are attracted to each other in ways more than just skin deep.  He is a beautiful person inside and out.  I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful man in my life.  I wish you all the best. I hope people stop judging you for this.  It doesn't matter what physical features attract us.  It matters what inner beauty we are attracted to no matter how that package is wrapped.

Norinicole
Norinicole

Thank you for sharing something so personal, and giving us insights into what you and Sarah have to deal with quite frequently.  I love your pictures because your love for each other shines through so clearly.  The world needs more love.

I hope that within my community I am helping to spread love and joy and acceptance.  I think that's what you and Sarah are doing...but on an even grander scale since you have so many people watching your every flipping move.  Keep posting those pictures!!


NinaMarieMastrangelo
NinaMarieMastrangelo

This was extremely enlightening. I've always believed a person's sexual orientation is their own business, no matter what it is. I was shocked to read the comments from your own friends. How sad it is that even your gay friends sounded so close-minded. I actually laughed out loud at your "bless her heart" comment referring to your sister. Its nice to see you still have kept a great sense of humor through your journey. I think without humor a lot of us would lose our minds. I totally related to wanting to flood the Facebook newsfeed with mushy statuses & pics. I haven't been lucky enough to do that in over 3 years. Even though I  don't know you at all personally or otherwise, I'm very happy for you & Sarah. I think you already do & know this, but don't let any outsiders tell you both how to live & love. Your son is so adorable btw! :) 

VWmomma
VWmomma

I can't think of words that don't sound slightly condescending, so please know I mean "Good for you" with all the love and positivity I can. Good for you for standing up as who you are and sharing so others with the same struggle can feel the support from you and those commenting here.


Even in high school, as a Mormon teen I knew what bisexual was. I don't get all the negativity.


Also, one last thought. If you have a moral difference with someone and decide to stop following their blog or whatever, PLEASE be kind and just stop. Don't comment, don't try to guilt trip. Just leave.

Me
Me

Oh Dan this post made me cry :'(
You should be able to enjoy annoying the crud out of people as you put it with your lovey dovey pictures and status updates and that should just be the end of it. I really feel for you and Sarah!! I wish you both the best I love reading about the things you get up to and even though I don't know you both personally it really brings me joy to see you so happy together. xx

A John
A John

I can relate to the notion that sometimes to accept things about yourself, you have to say them out loud. It's not about the people who read it. It's that by saying it out loud, you really start to face it. You can't turn away and you have to learn to accept it about yourself instead of denying it.

Your posts are beautiful. Your relationship is beautiful. It's such a joy to see 2 people enjoy each other so much. We're just the audience. We take from it what we need... for me, it's to see people who approach life with love and acceptance and a fantastic sense of humour. I'll be honest, you could be faking this whole thing and it wouldn't matter to me.

K
K

You request a discussion, but I dont get the sense that one needs to discuss this. this simply is a pure and open idea about what it is to simply BE. 

To simply be, whatever one is, is a state of living that few every find out how to do correctly. In fact its one of those things that few of us ever achieve. I think people, of whatever nature or idea, find comfort in the fact that someone has discovered how to simply BE, and we flock towards that because we want to know too.

Laney72
Laney72

Community (and I think you mean a democratic one) also means having an ability to express an opinion - not just the one you want to hear. But good for you and I like this post!

EvelynAlways
EvelynAlways

hi Friend! thanks for this great post, and i am so sorry that you have had to deal with so much painful misunderstanding from your friends and family. I recently have been reading The Hite Report (on female sexuality) and some parts of it are very encouraging and liberating, you and your partner might find it so, too! 

Why the dichotomy of Hetero or homo? Shere Hite explores this in a variety of ways. For example, points out that other mammals have a variety of sexual habits, from monogamy to many partners, some engage in sex play without always concluding it with reproductive intercourse, and almost all will play and get pleasure from both genders. Humans, unfortunately, have  artificially constructed divisive and prohibitive ideas about sex and sexuality, that people then choose to adopt for themselves -- maybe to make life simpler as you suggest. But I really think that -- as you say -- everyone is just human, and activities we choose are strait or gay, and everyone should be free to choose a variety of activities, and just broaden their understanding of what sex can really be with someone you love and who turns you on, regardless of genitals!

I hope you have some friends who understand that too -- and understand that, really, (I'm gonna say it!) everyone is bisexual, if only we could get past those artificial divisions of gay or strait!  

I've only recently allowed myself the pleasure of exploring my attraction to women (i'm a woman)...and it is very exciting and liberating. But I'm still very attracted to men as well. So, I haven't encountered any backlash yet, myself -- but I hope I can be part of a wider community that's working towards liberating sexual activities from identity!

rubberduckiesmom
rubberduckiesmom

I would like to add:  I hope this came across correctly. I'm not trying to be patronizing, condescending, or anything else. I am simply trying to express my wish that humans as a whole could be less judgmental about other humans. And to express my well wishes for you, the farmer's daughter, and Noah.

MGreer
MGreer

And *now* I see all my typing errors. *headdesk*. "Arguably"  and "others" inserted after "accept".

*sigh* Not a typist.

A John
A John

@EvelynAlways I could be wrong, but my perception is that society, in general, is more accepting of women being bisexual but less so for men.

A John
A John

@EvelynAlways I think in general, it's more accepted for women to be bisexual than woman. I could be wrong, but it's the impression I get from what I see.