child-embarrassing-blurt-out

Over on the Single Dad Laughing Facebook Page, I asked a simple question.

“What is the most embarrassing thing your child has ever blurted out to others?”

More than 1,500 of you answered.

And, just as I had hoped, you didn’t fail to deliver some of the best gut-grabbing laughs I’ve had in weeks. Here are a few of your replies…

Oh, and if you missed the first installment, be sure to check that out here.

The Most Embarrassing Things Ever Blurted Out By Kids – Vol. 2

  1. We were at Walmart when a threeish boy in the basket in front of us waves at my four year old granddaughter. She tries to ignore him but I told her to tell him hi. She wouldn’t do it so I told the other child, “She thinks boys have cooties, I guess” and my granddaughter shouts out, “No mawmaw, boys have penises.”
  2. My niece, after spending time at her Dad’s, goes shopping with her Mom and in the checkout line looks at her and says “Mommy, you’re my little hemorrhoid!”
  3. While in a changing room with my 3 young sons, one of them looks at me and seeing the stretch marks across my belly, says (in that little child voice that carries throughout the whole changing room and possibly the store)… “Mommy! You have stripes! Like a tiger!”
  4. When my friend moved to heavily churched NC from NYC and took her son for his first physical, it included an eye exam. When the nurse pointed to the “+” sign, he looked up at her, narrowed his eyes and offered a guess, “One of those “church thingies”?”
  5. I was returning a dress to Kohl’s. When the lady asked why I was returning it my 6-year old replied, “when she bends over her butt hangs out!”
  6. My son was three years old and saw an older gentleman with quite the pot belly. My son asked rather loudly (to me, but within ear shot of the man), “When’s the baby gonna come out?”
  7. In the pet department at Walmart, my seven year old niece is looking for a toy for her new puppy “Boston.” She finds a ball on a shelf and yells “Daddy, Boston loves to play with his balls!”.
  8. My then three year old son, loudly piping up at “Children’s Moment” during a church service: “My daddy is at home, sleeping on the sofa!”
  9. My brother, while very young in the 1970’s, asked why our Doctor had brown skin. My Mum explained, in front of the Doctor, that he was of Indian origin. My brothers response was “Wow! Do you know any Cowboys?”
  10. My son, who couldn’t read at the time, opened his fortune cookie in a crowded restaurant and screeched loudly, ‘Here is what mine says – if you poop in the toilet remember to flush!’
  11. My then four year old yelled at his teacher “stop telling me what to do, you’re not my wife!”
  12. To her kindergarten teacher: “My mom only drinks coffee and wine.”

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!