Over on the Single Dad Laughing Facebook Page, I asked a simple question.
“What is the most embarrassing thing your child has ever blurted out to others?”
More than 1,500 of you answered.
And, just as I had hoped, you didn’t fail to deliver some of the best gut-grabbing laughs I’ve had in weeks. Here are a few of your replies…
The Most Embarrassing Things Ever Blurted Out By Kids
- One time while in the fitting room, I overheard a little boy say, quite loudly, “Mommy, are you buying this new swimsuit because you poop-farted in your one last year?”
- While out on a river in a boat with a bunch of friends, my 10-year-old announced she needs to go to the bathroom. I calmly tell her she’s gonna have to wait, to which she yells, “Mom, I have to poop! I’m crowning!”
- “Mom, please don’t sell me on Craigslist! I’ll be good.”
- During my divorce, while the kids and I were at Walmart buying groceries, I put a bottle of wine in my cart and my daughter yells, “Oh, look, Mom’s sad again.”
- My daughter once yelled out “I LOVE VAGINA” as loud as possible in a Walmart. Too bad she was actually referring to LASAGNA – which is what we were having for dinner.
- After getting new Toy Story undies, my son yelled to the drive-through workers at Chick-fil-A, “I’ve gotta woody in my pants!”
- The priest stood up for the second time to speak at my grandson’s Christening yesterday and as he began to speak my 5 year old son yelled, “Oh no, not again”.
- My son was feeling really badly about pooping his pants, so to make him feel better I told him that it happens to everyone, even mommy. The next day we walked in to daycare and told the lead teacher “Yesterday I pooped my pants, but mom said it was ok; it happens to her all the time.”
- My eldest once said “Mom, did you know there are people who don’t want kids?!” I asked how he knew that to which he replied “THEY BUY CARS WITH ONLY TWO DOORS!”
- When I was pregnant, I ended up having to take my three year old daughter to one of my OB appointments. My doctor had to do a vaginal exam to which my daughter replied loudly “Mommy, how come you show your ‘gina to EVERYONE!!??”
- In church, right at the elevation of the Host, my then four year old yelled, “Mom, did you know a cat’s butt is called an ANUS?”
- I was at a store when a toddler was asking her mother for something. The mother was very agitated at the toddler and the toddler blurted out “Mommy needs more wine!”
- Playing with my daughter when she was six and singing Little Bunny Foo-Foo… After a minute she stopped and said “wow, that Bunny Foo-Foo is a real b****!”
- I was volunteering in a third grade classroom reading the Weekly Readers with a group of students. The topic was The Great American Smoke Out when people are encouraged to quit smoking for a day. One little boy proclaimed his Mommy’s boyfriend smoked in the house… But only when Daddy was away on business.
- “Mommy, that lady’s butt is even bigger than yours!!!”
- My nine year old daughter said “Dad, Mom said I’m like you. I don’t have any common sense. Is that true?”
- My son, then five, was on his first soccer team. The color of the team was blue. The coach and the team gather around to choose a name. “Any ideas?”, the coach asks. My son yells out “Blue balls!”