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Cantankerous Woman, Murderous Drug Guy, and Who Knows What’s Next

dan-pearce-sarah-jensen

“Sir, I’m going to need something more specific,” the overly cantankerous woman standing behind the Southwest Airlines counter told me. It was the third time she said it.

I gave her a look back that said, “you are ruining all of our fun and I sincerely hope a leper comes through the line and sneezes on you right now.”

The Farmer’s daughter and I had a plan. Show up at the airport with no specific destination in mind and go wherever the last-minute tickets were the cheapest. Instead we were met by cold stares and lots of annoyed “we don’t do that here” statements from airline employees.

The best we did get (and only because she wanted to get rid of us so badly) was a “go to our website and pray for something that’s not double the fifth quadrant of the exponential quotient of full price.” And so, very much annoyed ourselves that no one would help us out, we plopped down against the wall, tapped into the airport wi-if on my laptop and started searching.

After thirty minutes we were unsuccessful finding any sites that would give us last minute deals for the same day and at a loss we finally went to the departure screens, took photos with our phones, and then proceeded with the daunting task of looking up each flight one by one. I promise you, trimming your neck hair with a weed whacker would have been more fun.

We made a list of every possible flight. There were only two that weren’t priced out by Satan himself or on the 2 am flight to heaven knows where. Denver. And Seattle.

So, we flipped a coin (yes there’s an app for that) and $1200 (cough cough, really?!) later we were booked and headed to…

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98 comments
JessicaDunn
JessicaDunn

Little offended, dude. Not everything about Washington is fishy, and it's a GREAT place up here.

SuzanneLewis
SuzanneLewis

I said to myself.. they should come to Seattle....  Need a tour?

SamanthaKnapp
SamanthaKnapp

Wait... what does "people for some reason still care about the arts" mean??  I'm slightly confused and possibly offended....

Jean
Jean

Being an airline employee, I can tell you that there ARE NO LAST-MINUTE deals when it comes to flying somewhere. The earlier you get your ticket, the better. Unless you're an airline employee, of course - then you can pull up the website and see what flight has the most open seats and book yourself on that flight. Haven't done that yet. I'll let you know how it turns out when I decide to do it.

jrseygirl
jrseygirl

You should have searched for last minute vacation deals on the internet before you left.  I know you used to be able to do what you originally wanted to do at the airport in the past, but unfortunately not any more in this age of no fly lists, internet booking and all that stuff.  Sorry for the bad start to your trip.

momof5
momof5

Gasworks park was my favorite growing up in Seattle. In '10 things I hate about you' it is where they have the paintball fight. 

barbv54
barbv54

Dinner at the top of the Space Needle is really fantastic!  Expensive but the view and quality of the food is worth it.  Be sure to make reservations as early as possible.  We were there Friday night and it was beautiful!  The restaurant turns one full circle every 47 minutes so you get a view of the whole city and Puget Sound.  Enjoy!

Kellie Johnston Hawthorne
Kellie Johnston Hawthorne

Ok thanks for the great laugh this morning. Can't wait to read more. Who knows maybe murderous drug guy will keep you alive so you can continue your hilarious posts. Or he could just decide to keep your identity and dispose of the body. Oh well whoever gets the iPad, keep the posts coming ;)

SamiFisher
SamiFisher

Welcome to the Seattle summer! Unfortunately, all you will hear from the residents this time of year, is how hot it is (supposed to be in the 80-90s all week), mostly, because no one here has AC, including many of the businesses. If you get a hankering for some well priced, delicious sushi, go to Japonessa, it's on 1st Ave and Union St, in my opinion, one of the best sushi Happy Hours I have ever been to! Also, I would recommend going up to Kerry Park (lookout) in Queen Anne, where the views of the city are equally as breath-taking during the day, as they are after dark. If you get a chance, head on over to Discovery Park in Magnolia, especially when it is sunny, it is an excellent location for hiking, sitting, watching sea life, etc... I'm a transplant, only in the last 5 years, but these are some of my absolute favorite places!

Trin McD
Trin McD

So fun!  Super idea.  You are coming to my city, yay!!  It is actually a FABULOUS day in Seattle.  Incredibly hot for Seattle.  Should be in the 90's today.  Be sure to head to the fish market and even consider walking onto a ferry and taking it for a quick trip to one of the closer Sound islands. Bainbridge has a cute walkable downtown right off the dock.  Need any other ideas?  I am just a quick facebook post away.  :)


Gay Dad Laughing
Gay Dad Laughing

I was kind of wondering if you two were going to run in to issues at the ticket counter. Your idea reminded me of the Jim Carrey movie "Yes Man" or what ever it was called.

Now if you will excuse me, I am off to search UrbanDictionary.com for the meaning of 'swack'... Or on second thought, maybe I should wait until I get home.

AmandaHolloman
AmandaHolloman

You seriously make me laugh in such a heartwarming way. I know you get lots of comments & they're probably, mostly, the same. I just want you to know that I think you're amazing. I think you're an amazing person. Not just because you can write incredibly funny, or impactful & heartfelt blogs, but because I think you're one of the few who care. There aren't many people left out there who generally care about themselves or others. You're a great father. And I really mean it when I say you inspire me. Keep it coming!! We're in the middle of the map but here in KS we know with great pains what swack is. ;)

Sarah Simonton McKee
Sarah Simonton McKee

Seattle is a great city, my sister lives near there. Go to the gum wall near pikes place market, Beth's Cafe for the 12 egg omelet with all you can eat hash browns and sooo much more! Have fun!

lcress
lcress

Make sure you check out the famous Pike Place Market while you're there!

BeckyHodgson
BeckyHodgson

If you can, rent a car and drive down the coast line into Oregon. I hear Cannon Beach is gorgeous and the sea lion caves near Florence Oregon are so cool! www.sealioncaves.com Pretty neat stuff, plus then you'll be near the Redwood Forest which is a must see. I'm also from Salt Lake (the swack-free-zone, haha) so trust me, that drive along the coast is breath taking! I left a piece of my soul there, it's THAT amazing. Have fun! :) 

Janie McNeil
Janie McNeil

Bless you, that takes true patience ;-) Hope you have a brilliant adventure!

Krista Eger
Krista Eger

I was really curious to see what would come of going to the airport and purchasing a last minute ticket. I worked for an airline and wondered how expensive they'd be. Last minute deals are very rare.

poofypoe
poofypoe

Seattle is a blast. Be sure to hit up the Seattle Center and I hope you brought comfy shoes for walking around downtown!

OOOOOH, and swing past Dick's if you get a hankering for a burger. :)

Leanna Weidman
Leanna Weidman

The weather here is fantastic right now. Good timing!

ChristineWaters
ChristineWaters

Thanks for answering my question! And an iPad Mini? You MUST love us! ♥

bzhoyt
bzhoyt

Spend an afternoon riding a Ferry!! It is cheap to walk on... you can even bring a picnic lunch!

Bridget Eide Zaborski
Bridget Eide Zaborski

My favorite city, but take a drive to the coast, so worth it. Oh and see if u can find the original spoon man down by the market. :)

AmyNess
AmyNess

Welcome to my neck of the woods!  It is hot as BALLS here right now, but we are grateful for the sun and heat though so we can dry out a little bit.  Enjoy your stay!

TassyJanetos
TassyJanetos

woot! i just moved here this week - were you in town quick enough to enjoy pride? you came just in time for the heat wave! my pug would love to meet you and the farmer's daughter both. :)

Jenny Campbell
Jenny Campbell

This weekend is pride in downtown. It should be a lot of fun. The great thing about Seattle is you can point yourself in any direction and find the most amazing places. From downtown Farris wheel to alki beach to snoqualmie falls in north bend to up north there are gorgeous views. Enjoy your trip!

DenniChristler
DenniChristler

Awesome city...so much to do! Don't really care what you call us, you'll have a blast!!

Allysha Woods
Allysha Woods

You picked the worst time to visit Seattle! Don't get me wrong, love it over here but you made it just in time for a week long, humidity-laced, heat wave :) As a Montana girl, I am melting over here!

Telitha Aann Gildersleeve
Telitha Aann Gildersleeve

Seattle weather is actually pretty bearable. I love even getting to the airport there cuz it's a sign I'm close to home. The salt smell in the air, the trees. Mmm, wonderful! Eat lots of good fish and yes Ivar's is a must as has been said!

Julie Waggoner
Julie Waggoner

We just came back from there 2 weeks ago. Loved it and the Alaskan cruise we went on. Have fun!

LisaDusapin
LisaDusapin

Great time to come here! The weather is hot, the city is partying (Pride weekend) and heck, it's just a really fantastic place! I'm heading downtown tomorrow myself. Be sure to check out the flying fish and mini donuts at pike place, and you should definitely go down to the piers and have some seafood and maybe ride the big wheel thing. (I haven't even been yet and I'm a native washingtonian) 

TinaNelson
TinaNelson

Never been to Seattle. The Mariners stadium is one I haven't seen yet. (been to 20 others though....) I have friends that live out that way. Have fun!

Joe Nadeau
Joe Nadeau

As long as you guys are having FUN....

Melanie Kirk
Melanie Kirk

Lots of Washingtonians read your blog! Like they all said, Seattle is getting summer right now...probably the whole summer, so you'd best enjoy it because you will probably take it with you when you go. :( Personally, I'd skip the gum wall...just sayin'

StephanieHicks805
StephanieHicks805

Sounds adventurous nonetheless!!  I moved back to SoCal after living in Seattle for a few years...and I don't regret moving back home.  However, my favorite places were West Seattle and Alki Beach.  It's beautiful at sunset.  You can see the Seattle skyline from Alki and it's simply peaceful and amazing.  There are great dive bars and places to eat along the beach as well.  Then you have all the touristy traps.  Have fun!

Amy Abrahamson
Amy Abrahamson

I love this. How fun! Can't wait to hear about the rest of the trip!

Steph
Steph

Seattle Pride Festival is going on today, so you're guaranteed to have some great people watching this evening.

JenniferAdamsHarris
JenniferAdamsHarris

Oh you are going to LOOOOVVVEEE it here!!  Its HOT HOT HOT!!!   If you think upper 80's is hot! :)  And gorgeous and dry and beautiful and peaceful and GORGEOUS!!  You got to do Pikes Place Market, The Space Needle, Mt. Ranier (oh all the hiking you can do!!) and of course a trip to the ocean!! :)  Ocean Shores is the closest BEST drive on beach you can find!!  LOVE IT!  I hope you guys have fun!  I LOVE my beautiful PNW state and love even more our WONDERFUL MUGGY FREE SUMMERS!! :)  And the people are really laid back and nice here too ;)  Have fun!

Sparrowchild
Sparrowchild

Hey! I live in WA! Seattle is a pretty awesome place. I think you'll have a fun time! I wish I could get up that way more often. I like riding in the horse drawn carriage and the stores along the waterfront are cool. Also, don't miss the tour of the underground! And...and...um...that weird duck tour thing I've heard is fun. Never done it, though. Some great places to eat around there too. I hope you have a blast! And ride the carousel and the ferris wheel. The latter wasn't working last summer. 

There is also the troll under the bridge and pike's place market and...uh...Bleu Bistro is a neat place to eat. :)

green5280
green5280

THAT IS SO EXCITING!!! I am from the general Seattle area...there are so many great things to see and places to eat :D and I know this isn't super helpful (maybe someone else can give you an address) but there is this little hole in the wall place I went to last summer called Biscuit Bitch. Go there for breakfast while you're here :) it's amazing!

ShannonKleinbeck
ShannonKleinbeck

I had my fingers crossed for Seattle! Youre going to have so much fun if you don't sweat to death.

RoxanneFlores
RoxanneFlores

Also, you should have let me know! I get really low rates at a large (very nice) hotel chain because I work there. Friends and family rate waaaaaa!! Would have been $59 per night for a really great hotel ;)