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Finding Out a Friend Was Never a Friend at All

So, last week I found out a friend, unfortunately, was never really a friend at all.

Oh, the joys of being a blogger.

text-conversation

Of course, this was the same friend who months before congratulated me for being gay, and when I told her I wasn’t gay, I was bisexual, she had more than a hard time believing that I wasn’t some overly sexual non-committed fence-sitter in the sexual orientation game.

Regardless, it sucks to realize your friendships with some people are so paper thin. Then again, sometimes it’s nice to know.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

1405 comments
IrishAnnie
IrishAnnie

That's messed up!  I've seen it any times 

CoralKnight
CoralKnight

To Roy Nestle, Sexual Orientation has nothing to do with how good a father someone is, how faithful and committed and exclusive their relationship is, or how strong their sex drive is. He could be 100% faithful and committed to his current girlfriend.

CoralKnight
CoralKnight

Also, sexual orientation does not say anything about faithfulness or commitment to current girlfriend.  

CoralKnight
CoralKnight

Al, partner of Joe, down below,Why don't you just take the site at face value? And why do you iimply that you think single Dads CHOOSE their path and that it has some link to sexuality? You made yourself look like a paranoid and prejudiced idiot by saying that!

CoralKnight
CoralKnight

To Al (partner of Joe), down below: I don't believe the site has an agenda. Not everyone has an agenda. I have found the site helpful. Why read in the site in the first place if it does not appeal to you? And I don't believe he was shaming her to promote a cause. And why do you think he has chosen his life path? How many single parents choose to be single parents? I feel this site is a support group. We are not interested in your little rant. 

AngelDR
AngelDR

Silly girl...... She should have just asked for advice on how to get her own thing going etc.... That I would think would be the MOST a real friend would ask.

crosini1
crosini1

Dan,

Sorry for this post.  You are an amazing blogger and yes lots of people i'm sure want to get a good start and mabye have you help them.  I won't lie it crossed my mind to have you ask me, being a single dad.  I just post good comments and if someone finds my page they do, if they don't, they don't.  But someone can't get mad b/c you can't help them, they need to get out and market them selves. 

Blogging is very hard and finding readers is 10x's harder, she's just pisses let her go.  What is she going to do?  Blog bad things about you???  Nobody reads her blog now...

Keep posting my single dad brother.

~Chris

NormMonkey
NormMonkey

All I see here is someone who asked for something, got told no (nicely, kudos to Dan) and lashed out with an emotional response.  Dollars to donuts she didn't really mean all that stuff; those are hurtful words spouted in anger.

In my experience, best not to take anything seriously at that very moment when a person lashes out in response.  Give time a chance to do its healing thing.  Humans are not perfectly reasonable beings at all times.  We're human.

FaerieBarista
FaerieBarista

Damn! Definitely escalated quickly and I'm sure your gf knows you like guys too!

Joe Ziegelbauer
Joe Ziegelbauer

Anyone who reckons text messages are not private are also not on my friends list! Or is there a caveat that says private except if friend owns blog?

Jo
Jo

I'm an occassional reader of your blog. I'm from Australia and I often think there's some sort of agenda going on here (although I could be misreading cultural cues )...that it's not just about "your" life but also about acceptance of different life choices. Occasionally though I feel as if it steps into the territory of "my life choices and anyone who agrees with me" which is fine: it's your blog. I feel, though, as if that agenda has overstepped the mark here and you posted that to show "how bad" she is to make comments about sexual orientation. I.e your agenda. Your right, that was awful and nasty and not nice at all. We all know people like that and we try to move on from those types of exchanges with as much dignity as we can. Because, let's face it, they've got a couple of screws loose. You can't fight nut jobs and keep your dignity intact. But I'm not on board with shaming people to further your own cause and I much prefer blogs with stated agendas anyway. Each to their own path, you've lost me as a reader. Apologies if I've misread it all but I need a place with more positivity. Good luck with your life endeavours mate. And peace to the "friend" with a bitter heart. Al (partner of Jo below)

Jo
Jo

Honestly, she sounds kinda weird, lotta hangups and a bit of a drag to be around, with a really negative outlook on life.. But just as honestly, I can't believe you posted her picture. That's just mean and petty too. Bit disappointed you couldn't have been the bigger person here. Although a guess it's your blog, your forum.....with a readership of 1000,s.....why shame people? It really doesn't promote anything good in life.

Pamela Atkin
Pamela Atkin

Your attitude and outlook on this whole experience is a great lesson to those petty, selfish people. You need to take time for yourself, for Noah, for The Farmer's Daughter and I see that you do that. I love your blog, and read every post. I don't always agree, but hey, that's what makes us all different. Keep on keepin' on, Dan!

Chrystal S
Chrystal S

Screw her. Sorry that was blunt, but I'm blunt. And while yes, it's a good idea to tell you're bi to who you're with...why is she using that you haven't yet (if you haven't) as a weapon? It's not really first date talk....When it's told depends on the relationship. As to what she thinks being bi means....what crap! Yes some bi people are like that, as are some straight people and some gay people. My boyfriend is bi and yet totally committed to me alone. No unrealized homosexuality. Not an overly sexual screw anything that walks kind of a guy. Honestly no one needs friends like her. And yes I say that only seeing these texts. That's all I need to see. You made it clear you turn down others, not just her. And you even said it nicely! She then went into a fit and played dirty. She is clearly immature and doesn't hear no enough. And no one needs people like that. People that will turn their backs in a second and shoot you in the head when they go. Forget her and move on. She isn't worth much thought.

Addie Dusseau
Addie Dusseau

Girl: Do u even want to be with me forever? Boy: No Girl: Do u even like me? Boy: No Girl: Would u cry if i walked away? Boy: No She heard enough and was hurt... She walked away with tears in her eyes The boy grabbed her arm Boy: Your not pretty...your beautiful Boy: I dont want to be with u forever...I need to be with u forever Boy: I dont like u...I love u Boy: I wouldn't cry if u walked away......I would die if u walked away. Boy Whispers: Plz stay with me Girl: I will... *Tonight at midnight your true love will realize they loves u *Something good will happen to u at 1-4pm *Tomorrow it could be anywhere!!! *Get ready for the shock of your life! *If u dont post this to 5 other comments... You will have baD luck in relationships for the next 10 years

Roy G. Nestle
Roy G. Nestle

Yeah, but she was right about the bi thing. And that over sexed pervert is father? I feel sorry for his kids. Disgusting! Although she was still wrong to use it as a weapon.

CherieBuskirk
CherieBuskirk

Wow...she was quite malicious. I hate when people use our sexuality against us as a last ditch effort to hurt us. I've been out for about 11 years now, so I've heard it all. The mindless jabs don't offend anymore...just shows her poor character.

Karine7
Karine7

Sorry Dan... that's sad...

Sparrowchild
Sparrowchild

Wow, they are a self serving moron. It's good for you to keep the standards you need to maintain boundaries so you don't get swamped by people wanting to use you to promote themselves. <3

AngelBrookins
AngelBrookins

people can be real asses ... A good relationship is not about doing something to prove you care.


TianaMarrie
TianaMarrie

sorry this happened to you... hope things get better1

Jennifer White
Jennifer White

wow, that sucks. Her loss though. Rely on the people that you can do nothing for! That's the way to test character

Mouse
Mouse

Sorry Dan. :\

MBryce
MBryce

"Business" and friends/family don't always mix well... especially when those relationships (apparently) hang on a thread.  I'm so sorry.  Apparently the animals are more important to her than people.

Margaret
Margaret

Ohhh, that was pretty nasty of her. That was so childish to say something like that- sounded like a teenage girls response to being told no. By the way I'm the same orientation and totally understand the weird attitude people have about it. I have been in a relationship with a man for two years and have not felt the need to see a woman because we love each other. If this was not the case I would not seek out one gender over the other. Whoever I feel chemistry with is who I want to get to know. I feel for ya.


May Carlson
May Carlson

It hurts me to know that there are so many people like this out there. But always remember, there are a lot of really good people out there too! Feel relief in knowing the truth about this person now! Keep your chin up and stay strong! I LOVE your blog!

SassyKj
SassyKj

What an obnoxious twat!

Rick Brasche
Rick Brasche

what'd ya expect? the vast majority of "friends" on FB are for scoring points, business transactions or game stats, or a combination of all. Do people *really* think 400 souls they never met before are all actually "friends" who would even want to be in the same room with you (or you with them) alone for an hour?

TracyLee
TracyLee

One of the hazards of the Internet age - public shaming.  She may/may not be much of a friend, but I'm not on board with posting this conversation.   Maybe she is a true friend who was having a really lousy day/week/month etc.  It isn't the big things, its the thousand little things that pile up and 1001 is the one that makes you loose your cool.  Now, the opportunity to apologize, possibly make amends, and forgiveness has been completely removed from the equation.   Who wants to be friends with someone who is going to broadcast their mistakes and indiscretions?  What is friendship?  A true friend knows your flaws and likes you anyway.  You don't always have to be on your best behavior with a friend.  With a friend, you can stumble and make mistakes and they stick by you.  A friend protects you when you are at your most vulnerable.  A friend is the person who sticks by you when everyone else heads for the door.

So last week you found out a friend, unfortunately, was never really a friend at all.  And this week we ALL get to find out that you were never really a friend either. 

This post is nothing more than revenge.  You've used your power to belittle someone else.  Doesn't that make you the bully here?  You're better than this, Dan.  Remember, "be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."

THEArtistT
THEArtistT

I do agree with those critics who say you should have made her more anonymous. Blanked the face and even referred to her as 'them' rather than being gender specific. Other than that, however, good on you for calling them out. We've all been here and it really sucks.

GalFromAway
GalFromAway

It's a shame she reacted like that. Something else must be going on with her - how would your promoting her cause uplift her? 

I hope she finds a way to uplift herself. And good for you for standing by your blogging boundaries.

HubCityGirl
HubCityGirl

This reminds me of when my husband went through a hard time a couple of years ago.  He attempted suicide, medication had screwed him up, and when I told this "friend" of mine, a week later she EMAILS me that she doesn't want me in her life anymore.  I had known this lady for 15 years, and just like that she dropped me as a friend when I needed her the most. 

And then people wonder why some have a hard time trusting others?

Shannon Harris
Shannon Harris

That really sucks! If she was any kind of a friend she would have understood where you were coming from on this matter. Sorry for the drama this person has brought you. Not cool at all! I really enjoy your page so please keep on rockin with it:)

JD Walker
JD Walker

All of you that are berating Dan for posting this, think a minute.  You're pretty much justifying what she did.  Why should she have the benefit of privacy?  Why does Dan owe her his silence?  You're calling him immature for posting it, and you're wrong.  Dirty laundry that never gets aired, never gets cleaned.

Bullies count on the silence of their victims in order to continue doing what they do.  Congratulations, you all just started to enable a bully.

RachelRyan1
RachelRyan1

That escalated very quickly and what has she done to help you and lift you up lately?

CoralKnight
CoralKnight

 I don't believe the site has an agenda. Not everyone has an agenda. I have found the site helpful. Why read in the site in the first place if it does not appeal to you? And I don't believe he was shaming her to promote a cause. And why do you think he has chosen his life path? How many single parents choose to be single parents? I feel this site is a support group. We are not interested in your little rant. 

athynz1
athynz1

@Roy G. Nestle Can you possibly clarify your post? I'm not quite understanding if you are calling Dan an oversexed pervert or not. 

athynz1
athynz1

@TracyLee I see where you are coming from - however what she did was wrong and IMHO anyone who does any sort of business with her needs to see just who they are dealing with. Given her reaction to Dan's refusal to post about her platform I can only come to the conclusion that she was not a friend at all but an opportunistic b1tch who showed her ass and has been called out on it. A friend would not have used his sexuality as a weapon against him or gone batshit crazy over his refusal.

BigShayne
BigShayne

@TracyLee I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who can't show restraint, REGARDLESS of how lousy their day is going. Her little "P.S." text she sent was almost 10 minutes after her last text. She removed the ability to apologize from the equation herself.

GalFromAway
GalFromAway

I should ask - did you reach out to her after this exchange to see just what was going on before posting this? Or did you leave it as it was? With her reaction to your sexuality revelation, I can understand if you didn't, but was curious.

SueDavis1
SueDavis1

@JD Walker  

I think you are completely right JD. Dan did nothing except say 'no' to something he had every right to say no to. This woman basically attacked him AND drug an off topic subject into her attack. She IS a bully. As long as bullies can quieten their victims, they will stay bullies. We should ALL clean up that kind of dirty laundry... it spreads hate.