This morning I posted the 25th Truth Box post. That means we’ve been doing this thing for about six months now.
First of all, let me say that I love the Truth Box. I love what it’s there for and I love what it gives us all, which to me, is an honest glimpse into the very real truth that everyone is human, everyone makes mistakes (sometimes big ones), and we all need to love more and judge less.
But the Truth Box is messing with me, I think. It may even be messing me up. It’s distorting what the balance of reality really is. It is, at least to me, making it harder to believe in the goodness of others, the faithfulness of anyone, and the overall balance between strength and weakness.
I’m one who lives my life trying to improve, trying to become a better version of myself, and trying to shed my demons and no longer be defined by them. Accepting myself without judgment is a huge step toward doing all that, but acceptance is only the first part. Strength, stamina, improvement, and progression must follow.
Since meeting the Farmer’s Daughter, I’ve been plagued with thoughts of insecurity, but they aren’t constant, and they aren’t often. But about once a week or so, I have found myself having a hard time believing in the commitment of our relationship. I have had a hard time believing that anyone can be faithful to anyone else. Ever. And while I haven’t gone on jealous rampages or anything like that, the thoughts I’ve had have been unsettling at best.
And that’s not me. Doubting a relationship is not me. I am the kind of guy who has always trusted the person I’m with openly and without doubt or questioning. Innocent until proven guilty, I’ve always thought.
I also am a faithful person. I have never cheated. I never will cheat. It’s just my personality. And so it is with the Farmer’s Daughter. She’s just the faithful kind of person.
So why have I had these weird ups and downs with believing it and only recently? I have been trying to peg it for months, unsuccessfully pinning it on the wrong things, but then a couple weeks ago, it happened.
Things were going incredibly well with The Farmer’s Daughter. I had no reason to feel anything but happiness and security. And then I put together the next week’s Truth Box post.
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