rotten-milk

Oh. My. Dear. Santa. Grandita.

Why? How? When?

Forgive me if my thoughts are not entirely coherent today. I am sitting here desperately trying not to yak all over my keyboard.

I mean. How!? Why!? When!? I honestly can’t figure it out.

Before the “incident,” I was really hungry. I was really happy. I was having an incredible day.

I peeled myself off of my computer and headed to the pantry (which is really a little laundry room just off of the kitchen that I turned into a makeshift pantry) to grab a granola bar. I do this at least four times a day, sometimes as many as sixty.

And I’m only kind of joking about the sixty part.

Anyway, I reached into the granola bar box, and to my dismay my fingers closed around the last remaining bar. I pulled it out and to my continued disappointment was met with a peanut butter chocolate chip bar. They’re good, but if it’s my last one I just want straight-up chocolate chip.

Still, I was hungry and it would do.

I grabbed the empty box to stomp it down to nothing, and suddenly found myself tripping forward, clumsily juggling the granola bar and the box, trying (for some reason desperately) not to drop either.

Alas, I was unsuccessful. The box went flying in one direction, the granola bar in another, all awkwardly choreographed to a long and extended man grunt.

I looked at the box on the ground and immediately extended my large bare foot and crushed the hell right out of it. I then folded it on top of itself repeatedly until it practically disappeared. I feel like I deserve an award for how little space it ended up taking in the garbage.

Now it was time to find my granola bar which had flown clean out of sight behind a bunch of soup cans or something.

I started digging around.

Nothing.

I dug around some more.

Nothing.

And more.

Still nothing.

After about two minutes of searching, I was getting ticked. I mean, it wasn’t like some missing grape or something, it was a big ol’ granola bar. It shouldn’t just disappear.

After continued digging, I was still unsuccessful, so I began pulling all sorts of things off the shelf. I was going to have my granola bar, dang it.

I soon found myself surrounded on the floor with jugs of Gatorade, soup cans, and more.

Still no granola bar.

I dug deeper.

And deeper.

And deeper.

And that’s when I found it

Not the granola bar, but it.

CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!