But before I go on, can I just say…
Somewhere, deep inside my ever-thickening skull, there is a brain.
I haven’t seen it.
I have no actual proof that it is there.
But I know it is because I’m a human being and human beings have brains. We all know this is true.
We also know it is true that not everyone uses their brains, and definitely not all the time.
Well, I assure you, I wasn’t using my brain this day because I thought it would actually help to run the old milk under water instead, and try and move it down the disposal as fast as I possibly could. Dumping it in the garbage was just going to stink worse and worse, and it was bubbling out so slowly that I just might die of asphyxiation before it was done.
And so, in desperation, I turned on the kitchen faucet, and started the process of transferring the old milk from the cup into the garbage disposal.
You do not want to get old milk wet. I promise you.
Let me explain what odor immediately flooded not just the house, but the entire neighborhood, I’m sure.
Imagine opening the lid to a dumpster full of week-old dead pigs.
No, that’s not bad enough.
Imagine having to stick your head into a vat full of old diarrhea and maggots.
No, that’s not bad enough either.
Okay, just imagine the worst smell ever, multiply it by four, throw a rotting possum on top, and that would come close to what I smelled that day.
I have seen some bad stuff. I have smelled some bad stuff. And I have never witnessed anything that gave me lasting sickness or disgust the way that did.
And that’s all I can write about that. I’m at my limit.
Note to self. Note to anyone who will listen: next time you find a cup with 4-month old milk in it… Toss the whole cup out. Do NOT wash it. Gonna go throw-up now.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. I never did find that granola bar. But I didn’t really try either.
PPS. Comments please. What is the most disgusting thing you’ve ever found in your house?