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Fifty Cents for a Swear

dan-pearce-sarah-jensen-farmers-daughter2

The Farmer’s Daughter and I have probably been swearing a little too much lately.

Okay, okay. We definitely have been swearing a little too much lately.

We don’t even know how it happened. We just kind of started swearing a little in humor, then a little more, and suddenly we were swearing all the ****ing time.

Which isn’t awesome.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. Swearing is awesome. Sometimes. Dropping a nice **** or a **** when the moment calls for it can be both humorous and entertaining. But not all the ****ing time.

For a curse word to have true power or humor, it has to come out of nowhere. If people are used to hearing it from me any time my lips move, those words will never have the BOOM I like them to have when I do use them.

Plus too much cursing too often just makes a person sound ignorant and uneducated, at least to me. The Farmer’s Daughter agrees.

So, we just started a “Swear Jar” contest that will go for the entire next year.

Every time either one of us says the following words, we have to put 25 cents into the jar. ****, ****, *****, ****, or *******.

And, every time either one of us says the following BIG one, we have to put fifty cents into the jar: ****.

That will double after one month.

It’s been about five days and we have about five bucks in the jar between us. Some have been because of slip-ups. Some have been because they were going to be worth saying, so we said ‘em with gusto and paid the price. Still, the money adds up and it’s not without pain that we are filling this jar.

But the real punishment isn’t going to be the money. No. The real punishment is going to be what the loser has to do with that money at the end of the contest.

CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE

263 comments
AudreyColeman
AudreyColeman

My husband and I were both Marines. That being said, we can't do anything like this - we have bills to pay. lol!

TeashaGriffin
TeashaGriffin

So I missed this one when you first posted it and had to come read it after your Why is there anyone left here at all post? and I have to say, I am not offended at all, but I would watch your backs when you go to the parking lot after buying that one item cause there are going to be some ANGRY people behind you in line!! And you do know the FD is going to win this, right?

cgmcadams
cgmcadams

lol I hate those people..what an awful thing to have to do when you lose!! Not sure who I am rooting for>>who am I kidding I hope you lose she wins!! LOL

Spyctre
Spyctre

I read this after your new post, but gotta warn ya it could fail. I used to be a cashier, and I've seen people refuse to take the change. Normally money is money to me, but a manager ever told one of my customers flat out that we will not be taking all those pennies. Lol

StefanieNelson
StefanieNelson

Umm...that's freaking funny as $&#. Will it annoy people? Sure. But you know what? They'll get over it. There are worse things than having to wait in line at the grocery store for too long. I would never even agree to that in the first place, though, bc I would die. I feel really awkward and bad if I inconvenience other people. Like..I even feel bad when I have a lot of coupons, lol. But..I guess the point of it is to be a punishment, so that's a good one!

ChibiOkamiko
ChibiOkamiko

My sister used to swear like a sailor, once the 'phews started picking it up though, she managed to stop pretty quickly. I swore way too much when I worked third shift, but then, I am not suited for third shift at ALL and my brain was shorting out. I agree with you, swear words have a much better effect when you use them sparingly. I remember once in high school (I had the reputation of being a goody-goody, including a sparkly clean mouth) some boys were trying to tease my friends and me at lunch, so I turned to them and hissed out a sentence that meant "leave us alone", but included every cuss-word I knew at the time. The boys' eyes got as big as saucers and they didn't talk, even to each other, for the rest of the lunch period.

LizBulmer
LizBulmer

So, I didn't read this until after your "why are people still here?" post...I'm not offended. And I wouldn't be if I were standing in line behind you. However, I would make the winner (or loser) wear a sign on their back. Like "kick me", only "I'm the loser" or something. THAT would be humiliating.

Next, while I didn't read every single response, I read a lot of them and only saw a few people who actually answered your questions!! So, here are mine: My mouth is always out of control. I do my best in front of my kids, but growing up the daughter of a sailor, I have a sailor's mouth. I also tend to be the type that doesn't give a s*** who I offend. If you don't like what I have to say, you have the opportunity to walk away where you don't have to hear me. Although, like I said, I do my best to be mindful of children. A lot of it is second nature. There are always appropriate and comedically beneficial times to use those words. Go ahead, spend your money on them!

Cis
Cis

While I agree with the whole idea of a swear jar, I do have to agree with people on the outcome.  Having to stand there and count all that change is not going to make a lot of people happy, and you might end up having a case of shopping cart rage by the time you get out of there. Unless you go to Walmart at 2 am, and you use the self checkout line since they never have enough cashiers to begin with.  Other than that... more power to you about cleaning up your language!


SuzanneKorb
SuzanneKorb

Do it! Annoy the hell out of everyone by counting your coins. I think you should also record the swear loser and stick the video on YouTube. Be sure to get in all the angry faces of the customers waiting in line. BAHAHAHAHA! Evil laughter of a self proclaimed swear head. Except in front of the children. That's a no no.

Melissa M. Johns
Melissa M. Johns

Creative as your idea is, I think it's punishing all the wrong people. Nobody wants to stand in line for an hour behind you while you count your pennies... and please remember that many cashiers are timed on how long it takes them to process someone's purchases. You could cost them their job by making them take too long. =(

Whitmeister
Whitmeister

Wow, people are Debbie Downers about this post.  As much as I would have hated getting a bunch of coins when I was a cashier, it was my job to help the customer, so I'd help the customer.  You guys could buy an awesome toy with the money from your swear jar and donate it to a children's hospital or something like that. And sometimes people need to lighten up about waiting in line.  The only time that you should be in a hurry to get checked out is if you get restroom pains.

Amy Oberle Mcbroom
Amy Oberle Mcbroom

You know that guy and his kid in the, "You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations." post? Well now imagine that those people are behind the loser in the store and therefore that child would have to endure his parent's impatient and hurtful behavior even longer. Or, better yet, remember a time when you were in the store with your son and he was acting out or needing something, like medicine, desperately. Now imagine that time was happening behind someone who was doing what you plan on doing. Now please understand why it's a bad idea to punish others for your behavior. 

unshackled
unshackled

as a former cashier, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not do this. if you showed up to my checkstand with $30+ in change to pay for your item I will tell you to GTFO of my store for being an asshole (oops guess I owe you a dollar now)

EmilySue1
EmilySue1

I have a cursing issue that is slowly getting better.. Two years ago I started going to church and constantly let little bombs slip, in church... Even worse, in the Sanctuary.  Then I was voted on to council and then the council voted me to secretary.  Uh oh... Somewhere towards the beginning my Pastor (who has also become one of my closest friends) told me that he was going to get a buzzer and start zapping me every time I curse.  So, when I curse when he's around he just looks at me and goes "zzzz." It's helped everywhere in my life actually.  I notice when I curse now, especially when it's entirely unnecessary. 

Andrew Prekker
Andrew Prekker

People would be much more willing to swear, if they knew the money would go to charity, or some other good cause. But if people had to do what they're doing, they would definitely not want to swear as much. Personally I would split the swear money in half, so half of it goes to charity, and the other half goes towards something embarrassing, for the loser! Haha.

peep
peep

Loser could roll all the coins (a pain itself) then buy the BIGGEST package of adult diapers they sell. THAT's embarrassing, right? Crowded store and all? Then you can donate the diapers to a local nursing home or charity.

Andrea Grych
Andrea Grych

I cannot believe how many readers you have who seem to have a stick solidly wedged right up their a**. How do you deal with these people?!

Jennifer Sloey
Jennifer Sloey

Just that accompanying picture makes me laugh without even reading the post.

Charlotte Young
Charlotte Young

LOL stand out there until you give a buck away to ALL the homeless one at a time and give them a laugh too, is a double good deed :D

Meghan S
Meghan S

Hah cool Dan!!! I started a swear jar at my workplace. Another coworker in a different facility actually started it because of all the potty mouths in the office.  We have the same set up, all swear words except the F word are .25 cents, F word being .50. Throughout the year we purchase toys and around Christmas will be donating them all to Toys for Tots.

Erin Ambrosio
Erin Ambrosio

As someone who's worked in food and retail I'm going to add my voice to the many explaining why this is a really horrible way of finishing your swear jar. It's rude and inconsiderate and I think everyone who follows this blog expects better behavior and a better example from you.

Erin Flanagan Bell
Erin Flanagan Bell

I seriously doubt any store would even allow you to pay with a ton of unrolled coins. I've seen people be turned away and told to roll them and get paper money from the bank and come back, roll them and come back, or be directed to the nearest Coinstar machine. And why should all the people in the line backing up behind you have to suffer for your inability to clean up your language?

Melissa Richard
Melissa Richard

Sorry, too many comments for me to check and see if someone has suggested this already: Loser donates to a charity they HATE. There are sites that do this with personal goals like weightloss: you sign a contract, and if you don't make your goal some amount of your money that you set up goes to say PETA if you're a bacon fanatic, or a political party you hate, or some anti-whatever-you're-pro group. stickK dot com is one option

Soch
Soch

I think that penalty is not right.  If you're cleaning up your language even in part just to be less offensive to people around you, how can you end that with something that will offend and upset so many others?

You should each come up with something that you enjoy that the other doesn't... and spend all the money on that.  All at once, or over a LONG time, just so long as the money lasts.

RockiAwsumAbernethy
RockiAwsumAbernethy

um.  how can you tell who has the most ****ing money in the ****ing jar?  My curiosity is about as high as it can ****ing get! ;)  you're hilarious....no, really, Im laughing my *** off and look forward to seeing how you ****ing figure out who wins and who loses :D

Tamie Farran
Tamie Farran

seems kind of rude to inflict your punishment on other people....

Sparrowchild
Sparrowchild

I agree that swearing is better in small doses. I also agree that when a person swears alot, it makes them sound like an idiot. :) That is quite some punishment. Ouch. I pity whichever one of you ends up having to do that.

Dan Sweeney
Dan Sweeney

was about to link this then saw you beat me to it!

MeganDunlapJarrett
MeganDunlapJarrett

Do you have separate jars? Otherwise it might be tough to determine who had the bigger potty mouth!

I'm not able to swear often.  I can't at work (I teach preschool) and at home (I have two young kids) so when I DO get the chance, it's like I have F****** Tourette's!

Christen Kage Quintero
Christen Kage Quintero

I can't remember who said it, but my favorite punishment idea is for the loser is to go to a well populated area and have a huge sign hanging around their neck explaining why they were there, holding the change jar and handing out handfuls of the change to the people walking by. THAT would not only be a humiliating punishment for the loser, but a funny thing for passerby's to see!

Butterieflie
Butterieflie

How will you know who loses?  I think it's pretty ******ing funny, though.  Did you see "The Heat"?  Sandra Bulloch's character does a pathetic funny cussing spree - because she doesn't cuss, she doesn't know how.

nitrojane
nitrojane

I'm a cashier some of the time, and if someone did this to me it would make my job harder than it has to be. Customers behind you probably wont blame you for paying in change; they usually blame the cashier for taking their time. It's a requirement at my job to count out all change, so we can't just trust that you've given the correct amount. Why would you want to punish someone else for your crime?

RoxanneFlores
RoxanneFlores

I told this to my boyfriend who is a manager at an extremely busy retail location and he was like, how would they know if the other person went in and paid with the change unless they went with them? Then you'd both be embarrassed LOL. He also reiterated the whole, most places won't take that much change. Oh well, back to the drawing board.

MamaSky
MamaSky

In my house my kids view the word "stupid" as a bad word. Im very stern when it comes to not saying anything that could be mean. Of course that doesnt mean we dont have our slip ups. Once upon a time I tried to have a swear jar for the Soon to be ex husband and me. But it was pointless. He never had money and what money that was put into the jar he just stole, the same as he did with our kids piggy bank money- he just took it.
http://cantfixbroken.blogspot.com/

AmandaAxeenLong
AmandaAxeenLong

There is a chance the store will not allow you to pay for something with change only.  Some stores have a limit to how much change they will take in a transaction.

Lisa Taylor Sowards
Lisa Taylor Sowards

Frankly, I think that it should be literally the opposite. I think that you should pay $20 a week - no less- into the jar if you DON'T swear that entire week. All members of your household need to know what you consider coarse language...there are the biblical swears...the granddaddy ginormous word....then there are the other ones...you know flip, flipping, freaking...and the list goes on. We signed a letter of intent and we all agreed to the rules. I have tried the penalty jar..and it didn't really work for us. So, I did it the opposite and did a reward jar. We used it to do something together as a family. If someone blew it...they did chores...make bed, clean rooms, etc... And we were our brother's keeper on the subject. We had to totally rat each other out on it. It isn't too much of an issue anymore at my house as half of my kids are out of my home...but sometimes what you need is positive..not penalty. Just a thought.

Crushed Lotus
Crushed Lotus

Here's my '2 cents' worth. After living in an verbally abusive house, swearing can cause more heartache than humour. I say, find a child somewhere, somehow who has had live the emotional damage from too many four letter words and buy him/her something wonderful. Seeing and helping the damage that can come from swearing, will be more valuable than humiliating each other. 

ChibiOkamiko
ChibiOkamiko

@Whitmeister When I was a kid, pretty much the only way I could pay was handfuls of coins, the cashiers would huff and glare and I felt TERRIBLE. So when I started cashiering I swore that I would never get mad for people paying with change, and I haven't. Of course, it helps that I LOVE to count coins.

AmericaYamaguchi
AmericaYamaguchi

@Erin Ambrosio 
While I overall agree that it is a rude way to finish up the swear jar, I think it's silly of you to follow up with a shame. "We expect better from you."
Are you his mother, or a reader who can share your opinion without also giving him the age old "I expect better" crap that really, only a mother or a spouse has the place to say.

RoxanneFlores
RoxanneFlores

@Melissa Richard I'm with America on this one, I also dislike PETA and I would hate to give money to them. Also, I don't give money to the ASPCA anymore because after donating for years I went to turn in an abandoned litter of kittens and they wouldn't even help, after I explained I was a faithful giver too. I guess they don't really need my money after all. Hrmph.

AmericaYamaguchi
AmericaYamaguchi

@Melissa Richard That's not the best idea. If you "hate" the charity, the money shouldn't go to it, period. I "HATE" PETA exactly as you say, but not because I'm a bacon fanatic, but because the people who run PETA are assholes who think all domesticated animals should be put down instantly on the justification that they should never have been bred to be domesticated.


Much better to say "This money goes to some charity that the opposite person LOVES." That way, so long as you are compatible, you are likely to at least be "OK" with it, and it won't harm your beliefs. Donating to a charity you don't believe in specifically harms your own self-worth, which I imagine is not what an exercise in charity should be.

AmericaYamaguchi
AmericaYamaguchi

@Christen Kage Quintero I like this much better than the "Bug other people" plan. This one is the "Embarrass myself for my potty mouth while also simultaneously making peoples' days."

ChibiOkamiko
ChibiOkamiko

@nitrojane Is it really that hard to count change? (by the way, I have been in retail and food service for 10+ years, I count change every day) And no, it does not take too long if you do it right. Break it down into easy to add sets (fifty cent piles for pennies and nickles, $1 piles for dimes and quarters . . . that way, you are only having to count a small number at a time, once that is divided out, its quick work to add up all the dollars). A counter without a lip on it helps with speed as well.

KinSweden
KinSweden

@Lisa Taylor Sowards I like it. Reward rather than punishment. Very effective. =)


JoanneBesterfield
JoanneBesterfield

@Crushed Lotus I agree.  I am helping to pick up the pieces of a child shattered by constant negativity, cursing, name calling etc. from her previous home.     I don't believe for a minute that Dan's home life is like that, but I think your idea is a more "fit's the crime" scenario.  Turn a bad into something good.  Being the caregiver who is trying to teach more positive, respectful and consistent way of behaving is way harder after the damage has been done by another.

nitrojane
nitrojane

@ChibiOkamiko No, it really isn't hard to count change - you're right. (Although it is harder for me, as I have just moved to the US and the currency can be confusing.)  That being said, why would you want to purposely make someone's job more difficult, even if it's just slightly? This comes down to being considerate at the end of the day.

Crushed Lotus
Crushed Lotus

@JoanneBesterfield @Crushed Lotus OMG!! I never meant to imply for a second that Dan's home was like that!! I only meant that using the money to help someone who has been verbally abused would be a better incentive to clean up their potty mouth than humiliating each other! Sorry! OMG Sorry!!

ChibiOkamiko
ChibiOkamiko

@nitrojane I'm not really thinking about it as the guy who lost a dare, I think about the kid who's trying to buy some baseball cards or a toy or something with his/her coins, or the person who just ran out of paper money, etc, I don't label them a trouble maker or think they're punishing me. I hated being treated like that when all I had to pay with was coins, cashiers would be very rude about it and I was a little kid then! I won't do it to someone else, not matter the reason they're paying with change. But, like I commented to someone else, I LOVE coins. If some customer plopped their change purse down on my counter and said "this is what I have to pay with, could you find the right amount?" I would be giddy. :D I like counting change that much (yes, I am easily amused)