Grandpa said what now?

“What is the funniest thing you’ve ever heard an old person say.”

It’s one of my favorite questions to ask you over on the Single Dad Laughing Facebook wall. And, don’t you agree that it’s been WAY too long since we’ve had a gut-grabbing laugh at some of the funny things old people say?

I mean, I don’t know what it is about old people, but they can get away with saying just about anything to just about anyone, and it’s hilarious no matter how absolutely wrong, silly, dirty, or inappropriate it may be.

  1. I work at JC Penney’s and an older woman said, “It is hot in here.” I said, “Yes, it is.” She looked at me and told me, “Well, then what are you doing? Take your clothes off; you got the body!”
  2. “Grandma, your skin is SO COOL!” Grandma’s reply? “You wouldn’t think it was SO COOL if you woke up every morning to PRUNE TITS!”
  3. “This eighty-two year old cat needs to use the litter box.”
  4. “Is butt dial and a booty call the same thing?”
  5. My Gran raised 10 kids and I said, “You must have liked children.” She replied, “No, but I liked what put them there!”
  6. My grandma told my cousin that her mom was in a bad mood because she needed to get laid.
  7. My Grandma was complaining about how expensive gigolos are. “Those gigolos are so darned expensive!” My sister eventually figured out she was complaining about the cost of giga-joules, on her power bill.
  8. My husband’s grandma was in a rehab hospital after a fall. She’s a tiny lady and some of the nurses weren’t, to put it nicely. She said watching them walk down the hall from behind was like watching a bunch of cats fight in a burlap sack.
  9. My Nana standing in front of the fire, looking at my grandad saying, “Just warming up your supper.”
  10. My grandmother, upon being asked what was for dinner, “Hash. But not the kind you smoke.”
  11. My ex-husband’s’ grandmother turned to a friend of ours one day, and asked “How tall are you?” When he told her “Five-nine,” she replied with, “I didn’t know they could pile crap that high.”
  12. My grandfather who had Alzheimer’s always appreciated company visiting him. One time, while hugging him goodbye, he said “I love you, whoever you are!”
  13. I work as a nurse in a nursing home and always wear a flower in my hair because my patients like it and that is how they know me. One night I was waking a gentleman up to do his blood sugar and he gave me a confused look and said, “Why, you got a flower blooming out of your damn head!”

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!