As I mentioned earlier, we decided to add to our little adventure by not knowing what hotel we were going to stay at when we booked it.

Hotwire.com had some sort of crazy super deals that even the NSA or Snowden doesn’t even know about. The catch? You don’t get to know where you’re staying until you book it, and if you don’t like it and you don’t want to pay it, too bad. No refunds.

Well, we thought we were safe because the hotel was guaranteed to be 4 1/2 stars (for two star prices!) and was in the dead center of downtown Seattle.

Awesome, right?

Wrong.

Our room was worse than my great grandmother’s sewing room, and believe me, many of the same smells and fabrics could be found in both.

fairmont-olympus-hotel

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We keep expecting some 90 year old accordion player to jump out from behind the curtains and tell us he’s included.

Tiny little TV. No refrigerator. A bed that feels like it’s straight from the fifties. And, a thermostat from the 1800’s (that doesn’t work).

Comments that may or may not have been made by either me or the Farmer’s Daughter since arriving:

“This smells like a dirty nursing home.”

“No, it smells like an old man’s aftershave.”

“I double-dare you to steal one of the curtains and make a bathing suit out of it.”

“Oh my God, there’s a huge spider in the bathroom! Come kill it!!!”

“Yeah, this was probably five stars once. In 1953.”

“Really? 2 eggs for twenty-five bucks?”

“I feel like there are ghosts in here.”

“The good thing is, at least we know the bedding probably isn’t covered in sex nasty since nobody young enough to do it has ever been in here.”

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Honestly, I’ve stayed in two-star hotels with rooms nicer than this. And I’m not being facetious.

I’ve determined that the only thing you get in a hotel this “nice” is hoidy toidy people saying hoidy toidy things and charging you hoidy toidy prices for things you can’t pronounce or would never want.

Hahaha. Big cities. Awesome. But I’m learning not necessarily so awesome in every aspect. I’ll let you know. I wrote this post yesterday right after we got here and I was still in my “hahaha” mood after the valet. Today we’ve been out and about exploring which is, I’m sure, when things will get truly awesome.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!