That day he had his major meltdown, crying, “I want Chappy, I want Chappy.” Over and over and over with his head buried in my chest. And again, I knew. And again I tried to push the thoughts away.
But as Noah’s Dad, his main man, his best friend, and his rock, I couldn’t push it away forever, and I made the decision to put things on hiatus, at least for now, with my Farmer’s Daughter. We won’t be living together as we have been working to do. We won’t be dating. We won’t even be seeing each other.
Her heart is broken. My heart is broken. Noah’s heart is broken. But in the end, his heart will have the chance to heal because of this. He’ll have that rock to stand on, that shoulder to bury his face into, and that place of safety that I know in my heart of hearts he’s been missing.
And this is where I hate blogging. Oh, I love every minute of it, usually. But not on days like today. Not when I have to share what I shouldn’t have to share because I chose to share so much of the rest of it before.
But this is the life of a blogger. So many of you love me. So many of you love the people in my life that I share with you. And they can’t simply disappear without mention. There is order to blogging, and some things I can’t choose not to share. Not really.
Just know that I may not be able to read today’s comments for a long while at least. The other hard nature of blogging is that there are always those who will have no qualm telling me where I went wrong, how I made the wrong decisions, and how I am hurting others. There are those who love to rub salt into very fresh wounds. And I just can’t take it. Not today. Not when I’m hurting. Not when this has all hurt (so very badly) the woman that I love.
Will the future open up for us again? Is it just not now or is it not ever?
I don’t know. I can’t know. I can’t worry about that right now. Right now, I can only worry about my Noah and let the future take care of itself.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. I will be blogging as usual from here on out. I have to. I need to. Blogging is my release. Getting back to the predictable, and the routine, and the day to day is what I need. I hope you’ll join me.
Dan, I'm sorry I missed this before. As a single mum with a son close to Noah's age, I fell in love with your son and you instantly, because I relate to you both. I too, am from a large family, and I too, have to deal with balancing my life and my son's. I have been in a new relationship for nearly 2 yrs, but, I too struggled with the ups and downs and how to balance new relationship and being a parent. I can relate to knowing what must be done, even though it hurts everyone, and knowing that, in the end, hearts and feelings will heal and that being Dad is the most important person to be to a young child. You made the decision you knew in your heart was best, even when your head may not have agreed with you. Perhaps it is only "not right now" however, whatever comes in your future, for you and for your amazing little man, I salute you for being an amazing father, and no matter what, knowing how to do what is right, even when it is painful, that is a hard place for any of us to be, and you are not alone in your pain. Happy Blogging and thoughts of healing love and continuing inspiration to your followers be with you and Noah :) xo <3
Yes, what a horrible person you are for putting the interest of your child before everything else in your life...wait.
It takes a brave man to leave someone who makes him happy in order to make someone else happy. Your little man needs you and you've done everything to be there for him..it's a little sad but hopefully everything will work out right in the end.
People's opinions have this ugly way of invading our thoughts. Acknowledging that you voluntarily share bits of your life, I hate how the internet has given individuals the shield of anonymous invincibility. Please do not let the negative comments worsen your already broken heart. Kudos to you for acting on feelings, and I certainly wish happy healing for all.
My daughter has had emotional issues on and off since her father and I divorced. Kids do need us but they also need us to be happy. My daughter lives with me and my fiance has seen more than one tantrum. That's what life and raising kids is like. It is hard but you can't go around saying, "Oh my life is hard. My child needs me," as a scapegoat to living life. Because guess what? They're going to grow up and move on and live their own life. It is better to lead by example than to lead a life of fear. But if Sarah (that's her name, not the farmer's daughter, right?) isn't worth that to you then she deserves better. For me, when something bad happens to someone like what has happened to Chappy, I pull all of those I love closer. Life can end at any moment and when you love someone, you make it work. When you don't, well it is better to let them go.
Wow....yikes. Dan...I like you. I think you present yourself as a sweet guy, but I gotta agree with other people here. TOTAL cop-out. And, like others, I'm seeing a very distinct pattern here. I don't know you personally and I will not claim to know anything about you that you haven't shared in this blog, but I think you need to leave dating alone until you can grow up enough to learn how to handle a relationship. Harsh words, but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. You need to figure out why you have issues with relationships because, sorry....I feel really bad for TFD here. She quit her job, gave up her home and moved in with you (a HUGE undertaking), only for you to flake and end it 5 days later? Come on, Dan....grow up!! Plllleeeeeease....don't be the guy that a lot of people here are accusing you of being : A FAKE who puts up a public persona as the "nice guy", but in his world he really isn't. I think you are a great dad, but right now....not really thinking you're a great GUY.
@SamanthaBrown I have to agree with you Samantha, and its a shame too that he doens't seem to respond to those that don't support him in his decisions. I mean, surely having a blog and access to the amount of people who respond and have gone through similar things would have some good advice in these situations and he doens't seem to analyse his own behaviour or consider how it might affect others. I don't know about other people, and I can't speak for Sarah, but if it was me, not Sarah, I wouldn't be sharing with him just how hurt I was still feeling, its likely she loves Noah enough to put herself through more pain to give him the support he needs, and sharing all of this on the internet brings it all back up on multiple occasions and so many people know what happens in your life. I know she understood that he had a blog when they got together but without being in a situation like this previously you can't know just how much having your life public can hurt. He talks about her being understanding and dealing with this calmly and well, but how can he really know deep down how this is truly affecting her? He's broken the trust she had in him, at least had it been me, that would be how I would feel.
So, for me, its more about him, and less about Sarah, when it should be the other way around. I truly feel for her and what she must be going through.
My thoughts are with TFD.
@Bec77 @SamanthaBrown Apparently the fact that he explicitly said that he doesn't need or want any Monday morning quarterbacking just now, doesn't need people to rub salt in his wounds with unsolicited advice didn't stop you two from engaging in a bit of schadenfreude.
You read his blog. What right does that give you to call him out when he's in pain? Such weak excuses for humans you are.
This is so bittersweet, Dan. I was rooting for a happy ending for you and the Farmer's Daughter. But as the President has said, you are "the father who realizes that the most important job he'll ever have is raising his boy right." My father was like that, and my mother, too. I know now how lucky I was to have a father like that. Someday, Noah will, too.
You are the man who knows Noah better than anyone in the world does, and if your heart and your mind tells you that Noah needs you now, thEn you are absolutely doing the right thing. I know your heart is broken. Mine is broken for you.
But by repeatedly denying themselves what they really wanted at times when their children really needed them, both of my parents taught me something. That is,that doing the right thing for a child you love is always doing the right thing.
WHAT AN AWESOME DAD YOU ARE!!!!
From the very, very, little about what I understand, I think you need more people in your life that truly support you, not less. Knowing that you and "TFD" are both broken hearted about this gives me hope that you will find your way to each other again. Just as people with more than one child tells me, your heart grows to love and accommodate both (I wouldn't know, as I am a parent to a single)- just make sure you keep around as many people that love and support you during your roughest times. It's much harder to do that than to close yourself off.
I have to be honest. When you posted about Chappy and later posted about moving, my first thought was
"NO!!! You can't do this to him at a time like this. Your life needs to come to a halt. You need to be there for Noah"
Congratulations, you and TFD made a decision that will teach Noah that he is your everything. If TFD is the right one for you; she will be there when you have time for her.
I've followed you for a while, and feel that I've 'understood' everything you've posted or blogged about. But I don't 'get' this. The whole blog sounds like a cop out to me. Like you know TFD is reading it, and you are trying to explain this to HER in your own bloggable way. My kids have been through REALLY tough times as well, but I haven't had to give up those that love me and support ME, just so I could support them. I think it's really commendable that you would do such a thing, but one would believe it was necessary ONLY if TFD was a selfish and uncaring person, which I do not believe she is. So, either this post if your copout to TFD, or she's so selfish and uncaring that this was your only option. Sorry Dan, but I'm calling you out on this one. I know Noah is your world, and you need to be there for him, but I think you've totally used him. To say you can't be there for him, and have your own partner, that's just crazy. That would only happen if your partner were draining your time and resources, and were not very understanding.
I haven't commented before on your blog before though I try to read it regularly. I'm sorry that there are people who will kick you when you're down. And I'm sorry that you had to make the decision to end it with the Farmer's Daughter. But know that things happen for a reason. Maybe now was just not the right time for you two. I hope that all 3 of you heal and that things get better for all of you involved. I know it'll be rough but all of you are in my thoughts and I hope things work out for the best for you, for Noah, for TFD.
Take care of yourself and reach out to your friends (regardless of if they're available for that karaoke you wanted)
This makes me sad for all three of you. I wish you only the best, and truly hope that things work out quickly for healed hearts.
I am so sorry you had to make thatdecision. I am crying right along with you because I couldn't imagine giving up the love of my life. I pray Chappy gets better, Noahs heart heals and love finds away.
@DanPearce Honey you don't need any advice, but may I suggest some needs? You need to a friend. You need someone to bring you ice cream and kid movies then laugh and laugh. You need someone to stand up for you against you. When you start beating yourself up it's time to march yourself into Noah's room and watch your little miracle. Now don't get me wrong, you have no reason to do any of this, but as a medical professional I highly recommend a huge dose of Noah. Cuddle, laugh, and play. Do something extremely creative. I just took my 4 year old out onto a white painters tarp with paint filled balloons in the backyard a few days ago and gave him a "fishing" line. We made glorious artwork. I felt ten times better and now can use that painted canvas to make a tent. Ignore the haters who seem to want you brought down. When people get like that it's jealousy showing, and honey, Jealousy is a disease. Someone get them a Wambulance!!
Take time for you and Noah.
I'm a single mom laughing... Nothing we do as a single parent is easy... But you can tell when you look at your child if it was the right choice... Good luck Dan my man.... You and Noah are in my thoughts...
Holy Jesus sitting on a dumpster.
It is amazing to me the number of short-sighted, petty, shallow idiots a down-in-the-dumps post brings. I wish you had disabled comments on this one, Dan. There is a lot of ass-showing going on in here.
Your illiterate village called. They requested your presence be returned to them. Tout suite. (PS - Google. Translate. It's not hard.)
Since you think you know the internet, let me give you a really BIG clue:
If you want to present an argument and be taken seriously here, you need to:
A) understand basic grammar and punctuation functions. An ability to spell is also deeply appreciated, considering the proliferation of internet spell checkers.
B) understand that anger on the internet is very rarely taken seriously unless you are talking about an issue of race, politics, or the Man's attempt to keep women down.
C) understand how to use insults amusingly, intelligently and effectively. Calling someone a "mean idiot" is not an effective means of insulting someone. Calling someone an "ignerant idjit" isn't any more effective or intelligent, but at least it's amusing.
D) (this one is my favorite) realize that the only people who follow advice on the internet about getting rid of connections with someone that entertains them (and Dan is damn entertaining) are the same angry keyboard smashers just like yourself - the people the sane portion of the internet doesn't want to deal with anyways. OH NOEZ, HE MAKES MONEY FROM HIS BLOG?!?!? YOU DON'T SAY! How wise and entrepreneurial of him to find a way to support himself and his son in a way that allows him to write his own schedule and *le gasp!* spend time with his son.
E) realize that we're on the internet - we're all crazy. The minute you expect to be taken seriously on the WORLD WIDE WEB is the moment you need to be tied up and locked in a bouncy room. We can't even give you crayons for entertainment because you might stick them up your nose.
And F) (for finally) understand that the INTERNET is not the place to defend someone's HONOR. This is equally as bad as breaking up with someone via email - or, in old person terms, by spray painting their name and phone number on the overpass on SR10. If you have the balls, and the anger, then the appropriate place to confront someone is IN PERSON. If you have neither, coming on the INTERNET with your ignorant, petty, hateful rants is not only going to get you MOCKED, it is going to undermine your claim so that you are never taken seriously. Hey, Mommy-bird? I'm sure your daughter knew what she was getting into before she . . . Well, got in to it. She's an ADULT. Break ups HAPPEN. Smother-mother much? Keep up like this, and your daughter will never be able to adequately manage an adult relationship. Congrats, you are scarring your daughter for the rest of her natural born life.
All of you angry, key-bashing, English-mongering mouth-breathers need to move on with your lives. (Pssst. Intelligent, effective, amusing insulting. You're welcome.) If you have to get your jollies off by ANGRIKLLY BASHING KERYBOARD ON INTARNET BLAWG, you really need a hobby. I've heard monster truck racing is incredibly cathartic (and has a high fatality rate.) Try that instead.
@wyrenyth Beautiful. Well said. Thank you.
@wyrenyth Amen, amen and awe-men! Very well said, thank you! For the record also, LMFAO!!
@wyrenyth Whilst we're on the subject of grammar and punctuation, there should be a capital letter at the start of every sentence, you don't need to yell to get your point across and you certainly don't need to talk down to everyone like you are better and understand everything on a level no one else does. Just take a chill pill, people are allowed their own ideas, concerns and opinions.
Your honesty and openness is what makes us all love your posts so much! I, as well as MANY others out here, love you and Noah and everyone in your life ... like an extended family. We laugh with you. We smile with you. We live these moments with you. We also cry with you. We hurt with you. And although you don't know 99% of us out here personally, we are walking this journey ... YOUR journey ... with you. Big hugs to you and Noah ... and even to your Farmer's Daughter.
Thank you for sharing this. I married a man with 2 kids. no matter how hard we tried to have a blended family there was no satisfying the needs of everyone. Someone was always on the back burner and my hubby was exhausted trying to take care of everyone. I love my husband, and together we have a little girl. His kids have moved away to be with their mother after being with us for over 6 years. In the end he does not ave a close relationship with his first two kids. There were a lot of factors that played a role in their distance but I know I was a huge factor, and that will always be unspoken between us. May you all find peace in the end and have a graceful transition :)
Social media and blogging brings out the best and the worst in people. I know that it's hard to let people in. I hate reading all these horrible comments and trolls when you are sharing your life. As a blogger myself, I know that you had to share a portion of the story especially since The Farmer's Daughter has been included in your blog so frequently. Heck, she worked for you.
I'm not surprised the family and Sarah posted here. Honestly, it's the risk she took being with you. She had to know that at some point when it ended that you would write about it. I'm just confused why family members of hers wouldn't just ignore the blog altogether instead of publicly feeding the fire. Just seems like it hurts her more especially since you probably have turned off the comment notifications and are not even reading.
As I mentioned, I'm a professional blogger too but I write about work topics and can't imagine how hard it is to share your entire life with complete strangers. It's easier for me to separate, and I get plenty of haters but for the most part I can separate the two.
As a parent, you can only make the best decision in the heart for you, Noah and your family. I hope Sarah and her family would just respect that. On another note, you will have to make a decision if you want to continue writing about the personal aspect of your life. It's the reason that I write about work. There's safety in it especially being a parent myself.
Oh Dan, I am so sorry. Comments from strangers probably aren't all that helpful, but as a single mom, I can relate. I've had to put dating on hold altogether for the last year as my little one struggled to recover from my last broken relationship, dealing with anxiety, broken hearts and just generally being eight. Sometimes doing the "right" things for our kids isn't the easy thing, or the happy thing, or the thing our hearts want. And it's lonely. And it sucks. But we can look back and know that we tried our hardest at our most important job - being a parent.
Dan, my heart aches for all concerned. I admire you for doing what you need to for your son. I know too many parents who put their desires ahead of their child's needs. It will be rough now, but Noah will be better for it.
WONDER IF THIS GETS EDITED OUT
I've read many of the posts here & much of the blog since the first time Dan posted the article "The Disease Called Perfection". What has become more increasingly obvious is that while he has a great way with words & turning things into humor & is usually an interesting read, he is a very mixed up individual. IF you read through many of the blogs, his stance on many issues don't jive. I'm not being hypercritical. We all have flaws & are ever changing, but Dan is wrought with insecurities about every thing about himself except perhaps his ability to father Noah. I know readers relate because of this human aspect but the ever changing views almost seem to be a ploy to increase readership. I'm bisexual then later I'm not is the prime example. He occasionally portrays someone with great confidence, but I think it is mostly a cover. Over the year or two, I was under the impression that Dan had sole custody of Noah. In fact, I thought his mother was barely in the picture-if at all. Since Chappy's accident, it has become clear that this little boy spends a great deal of time with his mother and step dad. Why he can't manage an adult relationship when Noah is with his mom is beyond me. Anyone who claims they are in such a loving, secure, mature relationship would be able to go part time for a bit, if needed. Even if she moved in, things can be toned down when the child is with them. But truly, (as it is written ie. portrayed) this child needs the security of the Farmer's Daughter. Dan expects that he can blog about how much he cares for her on here & hopes that one day things can be rekindled. Yet he shattered her world in one fell swoop. There's no going back. Drama sells. At this point, we now have her mother & mother's bf commenting. How great to increase ratings, viewership. Egads! It all seems a bit sociopathic to me.
None of us can know all of the circumstances, but as an unbiased reader taking all of this at face value, Dan needs some intense counseling & needs to abstain from any relationships with men or women until he has sorted out who he is & what he wants. Anyone going forward in a relationship with this man, should only agree to do so if no blogs or pictures mention his/her name or likeness. How humiliating. My sympathies to all involved.
@4 under 5 You nailed it. Everything you wrote above was exactly what I was thinking as I read this post yesterday and it really bothered me.
I completely agree that Dan needs to find a good psychologist and get into some prolonged therapy to understand why he cannot seem to maintain a mature relationship when life "happens"and refrain from dragging anyone else into his drama until he finds a way of dealing with his delayed emotional maturity. If he is already engaged in counseling, a change in therapist is in order. This is bigger than the women he meets and the drama that seems to be escalating in his posts. It is the behavior he is modeling for his son. He uprooted and overturned someone's life to the furthest extent possible and his attitude seems to be: "I'M" depressed... but life goes on. Nothing about this is in any way "normal". Drama is not the norm nor should it be the norm in a child's life. His son is observing a poor example of how to navigate difficult life situations and the stress they bring.
Hopefully Sarah can soon see past the pain to realize this is a blessing in disguise. Sooner is better than later when someone has repeated behavioral issues to this extent. Hopefully she can take the lesson that take many people an entire lifetime to figure out and turn out a stronger person.
It's called being HUMAN. He's just better able to express himself than most people, myself included. He's got a LOT of talent, natural talent for words.
There is a depression called "dysthymia." Read up on it.
For now though, I think everyone should cut Dan some slack. Geez, he's human too.
@Frenchickie @4 under 5 Wow. Rather harsh. However, I am really happy to hear the the two of you are so perfectly well-adjusted, never change your views or your minds about anything and never have moments when you doubt yourself or your own abilities. I do hope y'all are now done with kicking a man while he is down and doing it as if he's not even reading your comment...like speaking about someone as if they're not in the same room while they're standing next to you.
I know right? It sickens me that these people are so self important that they will disseminate and dissect his life, his choices and motives as if they know Dan personally an have perfect knowledge of his life. I'm certain that what Dan tells us is not even a small part of what goes... Or doesn't go on behind the scenes. I agree Nichole, these people need to quit fixing other people. Fix yourself first you two! Rather than recommending he seek therapy perhaps you should sek for yourselves! Or maybe you don't need therapy since you graduates from armchair psych class with flying colors! Dan, you're awesome.