That day he had his major meltdown, crying, “I want Chappy, I want Chappy.” Over and over and over with his head buried in my chest. And again, I knew. And again I tried to push the thoughts away.
But as Noah’s Dad, his main man, his best friend, and his rock, I couldn’t push it away forever, and I made the decision to put things on hiatus, at least for now, with my Farmer’s Daughter. We won’t be living together as we have been working to do. We won’t be dating. We won’t even be seeing each other.
Her heart is broken. My heart is broken. Noah’s heart is broken. But in the end, his heart will have the chance to heal because of this. He’ll have that rock to stand on, that shoulder to bury his face into, and that place of safety that I know in my heart of hearts he’s been missing.
And this is where I hate blogging. Oh, I love every minute of it, usually. But not on days like today. Not when I have to share what I shouldn’t have to share because I chose to share so much of the rest of it before.
But this is the life of a blogger. So many of you love me. So many of you love the people in my life that I share with you. And they can’t simply disappear without mention. There is order to blogging, and some things I can’t choose not to share. Not really.
Just know that I may not be able to read today’s comments for a long while at least. The other hard nature of blogging is that there are always those who will have no qualm telling me where I went wrong, how I made the wrong decisions, and how I am hurting others. There are those who love to rub salt into very fresh wounds. And I just can’t take it. Not today. Not when I’m hurting. Not when this has all hurt (so very badly) the woman that I love.
Will the future open up for us again? Is it just not now or is it not ever?
I don’t know. I can’t know. I can’t worry about that right now. Right now, I can only worry about my Noah and let the future take care of itself.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. I will be blogging as usual from here on out. I have to. I need to. Blogging is my release. Getting back to the predictable, and the routine, and the day to day is what I need. I hope you’ll join me.