It is a slow, slow, slow process from here. Every day, the slightest twitches and reflexes are considered tiny miracles, and most days he’s exciting the medical staff and his family with those tiny miracles. He is now breathing on his own, and though in critical care, doctors are finally saying he’s stable.
This whole thing has been incredibly painful and difficult and trying for all involved, especially those closest to him. Especially my little Noah.
Last week while we were in California he lost it completely. He had a melt-down and for more than an hour just started crying the same words, “I want Chappy, I want Chappy.” It breaks my heart to see him experiencing the pain he is experiencing. The loss of a father and a buddy.
It has changed other parts of our lives as well. The entire course of so much has changed in unforeseen ways, and painful ways, and I will blog about that when I am able.
I think the hardest thing as a Dad is making choices that hurt you but that you know are necessary and for the well-being of your son. I have had to make some of those hard choices, and life is not happy at the moment.
But as a dad, everything inside me tells me my choices were right. For my son.
Whether they are right for me, I don’t know and I can’t know. Sometimes parents never get to know because good parenting doesn’t always work that way.
I know that is vague. And uninformational. But it’s all I can give you right now. I’m hurting a bit too much for anything else.
I’ll be taking at least a couple days off of blogging. Thanks for understanding.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
Oh, and PS. I’ve already scheduled several days of funny Facebook images and posts, so we can all still laugh and snicker at those. 🙂