cute angry girl with funny grimace

You know what they say… Kids say the darndest things. As a parent, I am reminded of that daily. Like when Noah this morning said, “Dad, do you know what happens when you fart and burp at the same time? You die.”

Ummm…

Anyway, in an attempt to feel like a normal parent, I asked you on the SDL Facebook Page what the funniest thing was that you’ve ever heard a kid say. Here are a few of your *awesome* answers.

1. Walking through Target, my four year old saw an African American guy wearing a captain America shirt. He points and yells excitedly, “Mommy captain America is brown!! And he’s HERE too!!!”
2. My six year old son and I were leaving the grocery store at the same time as a Muslim couple. The man was wearing a suit and the woman was completely covered in black except for her eyes. My son pointed excitedly and exclaimed quite loudly, “Look Mommy! A ninja!!!” The man gave me a look that could melt stone but the woman, behind his back, silently made a karate chopping motion.
3. My dad tells a story that when I was three and we were waiting at a bus stop, a rather large black lady came and sat on the bench by us. I immediately asked her if she tasted like chocolate. Apparently she was a sweet lady because she then asked me if I tasted like vanilla.
4. “Mummy can’t come to the phone, she’s on the toilet, and she’s doing a number 2.”
5. At my older son’s 1st little league game, my middle son jumped up onto a picnic table and yelled to the crowd, “Don’t worry! He has a dingle protector on!”
6. A lady I know once asked my 10 year old son what his dad’s name was. He told her his dad’s first and middle name and said, “That is what my Mom calls him when he smacks her butt!!”
7. On the way to church I had to take a detour due to construction. She promptly asks, “Where the hell are we going?”
8. My friend’s toddler called a complete stranger a “nasty maggot” in the checkout line at the grocery store.
9. My son said to the cashier at the store “Why do you have long hair? Only girls have long hair.”
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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!