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So, for the past couple months I’ve been jotting down some of Noah’s more memorable quotes. And by memorable, I mean they had me ROFLSHMBE. Here they are for your enjoyment. I know I enjoyed them!

1. Dad, I love Transylvania! We should go there a hundred times! (talking about our recent trip to Pennsylvania).
2. Do you know why I say “gooder” even though I know it’s not a word? It’s gooder than the word “better.”
3. I had to pee on your foot, Dad. There was no other way to go potty.
4. Dad, are you my boyfriend?
5. I think that old lady just cut the cheese and it smells like Thanksgiving dinner.
6. Why doesn’t that guy have a home? Doesn’t he know that you just have to go buy one? That’s pretty easy, Dad.
7. I don’t want to take a bath today. I’m just gonna stink again by tomorrow.
8. Dad, you always tell me that I have to say thank you but you never tell me that I have to say bloober-butt.
9. Dad, I’m pretty sure your girlfriend is more in love with me than you and we’re gonna get married.
10. When I’m as old as you, am I going to be able to fart as loud as you?
11. Dad, I figured out that if you put a lid on a cup, you can put a burp in it and nobody can ever smell it but you.
12. Why do those old ladies waddle like ducks when they walk?
13. Dad, you think it’s easy to walk as fast as you but your legs are so fat they could walk a mile in about four seconds.
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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with nearly half a million daily subscribers as of 2015. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!
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97 comments
NatashaSmith
NatashaSmith

26 and 42 are my absolute faves. Once we were at docs and my daughter starts fake crying i ask her whats wrong and her dad responds because she knows we're stuck with you(jokingly). and my daughter responds with because they are gonna stuff you like a teddy bear mommy! Wtf? Lol

Jayay
Jayay

Enjoy Noah as much as you can.before you know it he will be thirty like my boys and i well up when I think about how lovely my 4 boys were when they were little.i love them so much but they don't want to hear all that emotional stuff..

Ian Hart
Ian Hart

Rolling On Floor Laughing So Hard My Bowels Evacuated?

Elizabeth Rando
Elizabeth Rando

omg, LOL .."I’m not in the mood for a hamburger. I’m in the mood for you to stick some chocolate in my mouth for me."

Chrissy Helmer
Chrissy Helmer

I have a Noah too and he is HILAR and 8. Love it

Ish Vega
Ish Vega

You totally make me want a Kid! :)

itsmissygirl
itsmissygirl

"Dad, I’m pretty sure your girlfriend is more in love with me than you and we’re gonna get married," is my favourite.  They are all pretty cute and funny though. :)

Danielle Wise
Danielle Wise

9 is so cute and 11, something tells me he has tried it out on you already lol!

Kyle T. Smith
Kyle T. Smith

Thanks for sharing Dan - I think we all love that kid! (the belly chub and you not starving was my fav LOL)

Darien Tropf
Darien Tropf

I love #17. Think I'll have to use that one on somebody as soon as the opportunity presents itself.

Sissy Watson
Sissy Watson

Practicing spelling with my grand daughter. I told her the word is climate. She didn't understand so I asked her to say the word in a sentence when she immediated said " I climate it because I want to."

inaRehT
inaRehT

9, 22, 30, 35, and 43 all had me laughing out loud!!


TeghanGlenn
TeghanGlenn

ahaha these had me laughing out loud! Noah sounds like he'd be an awesome kid to spend a day with :)

Bill Fer
Bill Fer

cool kid man. those were great =)

vera2208
vera2208

My 5 year old son said "When we buy our new house, I only want it to have stairs that go down.  I don't want stairs that go up."

Celese
Celese

Ha ha ha ha! Those were fantastic!!!! Thanks for the laugh :)

AmericanMadCow
AmericanMadCow

My 4 year old loves her babysitter and when I pick her up, she always asks her to "help" her put her shoes on. (Even though Sher is perfectly capable of putting her own shoes on) The other day, the babysitter was sitting in a recliner feeding her only infant charge a bottle. Sher says "Hi mom! I just gotta get my shoes. Angie, you can go ahead and just toss that baby on the floor. Go ahead, just toss it."

pam410
pam410

@AmericanMadCow You seriously made the end of my work day so much better.. Just toss it.. LOL

Tana K Montgomery
Tana K Montgomery

I have no idea what ROFLSHMBE means but I LTICAAPOM!(laughed till I cried and almost peed on myself!)

SueCraneBryan
SueCraneBryan

@Tana K Montgomery I think it means..roll on the floor laughing so hard my butt exploded!


sillymomma
sillymomma

The fart one made me laugh as I recalled my 3 yr old (who was wavering on the potty training & had an accident) trying to tell me that the neighbor's dog had come over & pooped in his pants.  Mind you we were indoors to top it off, just to add to the believability of his story.

LarraKyleen
LarraKyleen

I sincerely hope that rug burn is the worst thing that ever happens to him :)

liahonagirl
liahonagirl

oh my GRACIOUS! too funny . . . but, I have to say, #33 made me melt into a puddle of sentimental goo :)