Whew. I am tired.
The Farmer’s Daughter and I just finished packing the last box between our two houses. On Monday she, and I, and Noah all move into our own place together.
I’ve never been to this point with any other girl since my divorce. In fact, I’ve never been to this point with any girl, ever.
Before marriage, I mean.
Once upon a time, I was a Mormon, remember. And I actually tried to live the Mormon mandated lifestyle even though I never actually believed in it. That meant no sleeping together before marriage and it also meant no living together before marriage.
My first wife and I got married in the Mormon temple. I don’t want to brag or anything. It’s kind of an elite thing. Only the best of the best get married there. You have to have interviews with different dudes up the church chain and when you’re done and you’ve passed the tests, they give you a card saying you’re worthy to go inside. We never had sex, but we certainly weren’t squeaky clean. We were just good at lying about it (at least I was. I don’t know if she did or not, she had her own interviews), so we got our worthiness-cards and got hitched beneath those famous Mormon spires.
I also waited to do the deed with wife #2 even though we weren’t allowed to get married in the temple. The church wouldn’t let us. She was a widow and had been officially attached to her first husband (they call it being sealed) and women aren’t allowed to be eternally attached to more than one man at a time in that church. I could have been attached to as many women as I wanted, though, so it was a bit of a bummer for me. It was the only way we’d be together in the next life, after all.
It all seems so silly to me now, but dang. It was important stuff that was taken very seriously, and Mormons do believe that it is very sacred so I won’t say much more about it.
But for me, it was after marriage (and divorce #2) that I came to believe that not having sex before marriage is one of the most dangerous things couples can do. At least it is for people like me.
Because, you see, waiting tends to make you think you’re really in love when you’re actually just horny. Yes, I just said that.
Phrased another way, it makes you promise your entire life, your entire future, and your entire eternity to another person in exchange for sex.
I know, I know. That will sound horrible to people who advocate abstinence before marriage. It will also sound horrible to people who chose to wait and have great marriages. But hear me out first and then call me the devil. I won’t be offended.
You meet someone.
You like that person.
You date that person.
You like that person even more.
You kiss that person.
You make out with that person.
You pull away from each other and stop. Oh, crap. We aren’t allowed to touch each other’s no-nos.
Then you kiss again the next time you see each other.
And you make out again. And this time you go a little further with the thumbs or the pinkies on the outside of the clothes or whatever, and you pull back and stop. Oh, crap. We aren’t allowed to touch each other’s no-nos.
And you repeat this cycle. Over. And over. And over.
And the more you’re together, the more you crave each other physically. The more you’re not allowed to have each other, the more you want each other. It’s basic human psychology and physiology.
And as that’s happening, you slip (almost everyone does). Just a little. Nothing too bad. And you stop. And you pray. And you make promises to each other and to God and to the men who are in charge of enforcing that kind of thing in the church. Because, you see, you’re not allowed to touch each other’s no-nos. To do so is the biggest no-no of all. The church teaches that sex outside of marriage is the sin right up there next to murder.
So you do everything you can to not give into temptation. You make rules about hours you can see each other, and times you shouldn’t see each other, and limits you won’t cross. And because of those limits and rules, you just want each other more. You have to have each other more.
And so the cycle goes. And the days turn into weeks.
And you are horny the entire time.
And you think, for some reason, that you are in love. Or at least you think you’re in love enough to know some big things that usually take people years to know.
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