If you haven’t noticed by now, I seem to be perpetually single.
And being single is beyond testing at times. At least it is if you are still holding out hope that someday you’ll find your forever someone.
Being in a relationship is equally as tough. At least it is if you’re an actual human being, wrapped up in all the complexities that tend to wind themselves around your very human heart.
Anyway, as you all know, a few weeks ago my relationship with the Farmer’s Daughter ended. It was a relationship with a girl with whom I was once so very in love. A girl with whom I was once so convinced was the one I’d spend the rest of my life. A girl with whom an ending was never foreseen or predicted or even thought about, really.
And yet, it ended.
That fact alone has left me with nothing but a heart full of whipsawed feelings and a long list of the woulda shoulda couldas butted up against the what-ifs and the I-wonders. Yeah, it’s been a fun few weeks.
More than anything, it has left me contemplating everything I have come to feel about love and relationships in general. I mean, is love actually worth the work it takes to find it? Is the pursuit worth it? Are there some people like me who would just be better off not ever looking for love? Is the pain worth it? Is the happiness, if you ever do find it, even worth it?
In pondering all that, I made a bullet point list of things I’ve learned (sometimes repeatedly) all along the way. The list got really long as my lists so often do. So here are the first 15 of the many things on my list that I’ve learned about love and relationships by being perpetually single. In and out of love. Up and down in it all since I first fell in love with Kari Monz, the blonde girl down the street, as a ten year old boy.
I might share more of my list later. I don’t know just yet.
And of course, I’d love your discussion on any and all of these.
15 Things I’ve Learned about Love & Relationships by Being Perpetually Single
1. Money is way more fun when you have someone to spend it with.
You can only buy and spend so much on yourself without feeling like a total wanker. Money is just more fun when you share it with someone doing fun things and making amazing memories. And it doesn’t have to be tons. One of the best dates I ever had was going to Walmart, buying a $7 blanket and $2 worth of chocolate. We went and laid under the stars at the closest park, talking until all hours of the night. Well, talking and other stuff. Like whistling and playing Uno. Don’t be a perv.
What’s awesome: When you love someone enough to blow your hard-earned dough on them, you usually get instagrammed as the #BestBoyfriendEver or #BestGirlfriendOfAllTime. Talk about a title that’ll make all the other single people jealous.
2. Common beliefs should always trump physical appearance.
Where I live, there is a population that is dominated by a single religion. The Mormons. I am not a Mormon. But I often seem to ask Mormon girls out because, well, there are so many beautiful ones around here and they are everywhere! But believe me, I have learned that if you have fundamentally different beliefs than the person you’re starting to like, it will almost always fail eventually. And by almost always, I mean that it’s a serious anomaly if it doesn’t fail. Beliefs are much more important than people often give them credit for in dating. When will I learn with those pretty-eyed Mormons?
What’s awesome: It takes more work to find someone with similar beliefs, but once you do, you can snicker and giggle at all the things you don’t believe together. It helps you stay sane in a world where everyone believes the weirdest things.
3. I can’t control who I fall in love with.
Trying to force yourself to fall in love with someone is like trying to force a child to eat food. It isn’t going to happen. Believe me, I’ve tried. At best, you’re going to force yourself into something and gag like crazy while you do. The heart falls for who it falls for, and even when everything on paper looks good, and you’re attracted to each other, and there is no reason not to fall in love, if it’s not there for you, it’s not there.
What’s awesome: You can control other more awesome things while you find the right person. Like which way the toilet paper is loaded in your own bathroom, or which part of the toothpaste tube gets squeezed.
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