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16 Ways She Botched Our Marriage

16-ways-she-botched-marriage

One year ago today, I published a blog post called 16 Ways I Blew My Marriage. It was a post I wrote from a place of complete insecurity, I assure you.

Since then, more than 14,000,000 page views have been recorded on that post. Debate has ensued, many people have found strength in it for their own relationships or for their own futures, and many people have even been aggravated by different parts of it. All for a post that I thought would be forgotten and buried a week after writing it.

I’m truly thankful and humbled by the response it’s gotten, and I assure you it’s surreal to know that so much of my dirty laundry is waving in the wind of millions.

As its title indicates, I shared 16 ways (and later 15 more) that I blew my marriage. It was my role that I recognized in it all. My confession. Things I know I could have done better and should have done better in both marriages. It was what I realized when I had no “make it work” advice for my sister on the eve of her wedding; only “don’t botch it” advice.

As I wrote it, I remember thinking it would be a good idea to follow up with a list of things I wish she (either or both wives I’ve had) would have done better or differently in our marriages. A list of things that hurt me, pushed me to react in unhealthy ways, things that turned me off, things that caused resentment, and more. I remember thinking that that list would be completely different than the list I was currently writing.

Why? Because… Every success and failure of any relationship is two-sided. No matter how thin, the pancake always has two sides. Yes, I blew my marriages. And so did they. And while their personal lists of ways they blew it (and that they may feel I blew it) may be completely different, I wanted to share my own perspective.

I hope that by better understanding me in my failed marriages, some of you might better understand yourselves and the people you are with now and in the future.

So, here is my list. It is so many of my own needs and struggles that I wish I would have recognized and discussed with her while we were still married. Like with the first post, I won’t specify which wife or marriage I’m referring to (it really doesn’t matter).

And please, know that my marriages were full of good gestures, wonderful times, and lots of functional communication. Both women I was married to were good women. I don’t want to forget that as I focus on the “needed improvement” part of it all.

16 Ways She Botched Our Marriage
1. I just wanted to feel appreciated.
The number one thing I always longed for and rarely got was appreciation. Appreciation for how hard I worked to provide, appreciation for the time and effort I did put into our relationship, appreciation for the work I put into the home and the yard. Instead of appreciation, I was mostly told everything I could be doing better, where I was slipping, every way I was neglecting her, and why it wasn’t ever enough.
IF I HAD IT TO DO-OVER: I’d have a sit-down with her and openly talk about my need for appreciation. We’d come up with a keyword, like “donkey lips” that meant, right now I really just need to be appreciated before my top blows! and we could both use it with each other without fear of backlash.
BONUS! When I feel appreciated, I work even harder to be awesome for you. That’s the truth.
2. Time apart was nothing personal.
I promised to be with her for the rest of my life when we married, but the truth is I needed a night the heck away from her once in a while. It didn’t mean I didn’t like her. It didn’t mean I didn’t want to be around her. It just meant I needed to recharge. And because I was sometimes made to feel guilt for needing time away, I began to resent her for it more than I ever let on.
IF I HAD IT TO DO-OVER: I wouldn’t wait to take a night to myself until I had been pushed to the point of needing it. I’d make a night away from each other a permanent part of our recurring schedules from the beginning so that it never got to the point where we resented each other for lives too co-dependent and intermingled.
BONUS! When I spend the evening away from you, I actually find myself missing you and appreciating you more.
3. She sometimes insisted on being so gross.
I don’t know why, but she loved popping my zits. She’d hunt all over my body for them and even when I told her repeatedly that I didn’t like it, she insisted and told me to stop whining about it because she liked it. But the truth is, it was always a turn off, I never liked it, and it made me less attracted to her. They were my zits. Mine to pop. In private.
IF I HAD IT TO DO-OVER: I’d look at her every time she started being so gross and I’d say, “this may sound awkward, but would you mind wiping my butt later, too? Or would it be better if I just keep my own grossness to myself?”
BONUS! When you don’t do gross things, I find you to be pin-against-the-wall kissably sexy.
4. Please just let us not fight.
Some people just aren’t fighters. I am not a fighter. It’s not my personality. And for some reason she loved to fight. She loved to push those certain buttons that she knew I couldn’t not fight over once they were pushed. Sometimes I would even straight up beg her to just not fight one time and let it go, and she would push harder and she would push more buttons until we were in a straight-up brawl.
IF I HAD IT TO DO-OVER: Any time she got into one of her “I want to fight” modes, I’d look her right in the eyes and take off one piece of clothing every time she said something new, all in silence and with the most seductively puzzling look ever. If she asked me what I was doing, I’d just say, “I’m sorry, am I reading this wrong?”
BONUS! People who don’t fight and argue as much live longer! Which, you know, sounds pretty neat.

CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE

918 comments
Timika
Timika

Why am I just now seeing this... Epically truthful and enlightening. I wish all men could convey this level of honesty. All the best to you. P.S. The format reads like an easy-to-use primer and I loved it. Book worthy.

Bonnie Jordan
Bonnie Jordan

this is AWESOME!  number 16 is my favorite! I couldn't agree more with it!  I love to laugh!  when you have someone that you can be crazy, silly, goofy, and have fun with it makes life so much more fun! 

DawnPushor
DawnPushor

I think this is amazing. It is great to hear what a man really thinks. As awesome as I think I am I unfortunately relate to quite a few of these. My relationship is really struggling and I have been so good at pointing my finger when I guess I should be turning it around and looking at my flaws as much as his. Thank you for sharing. -Dawn

Ann G
Ann G

Having read this post and the one about you... my heart hurts. I've been married for 6 years, we have 2 kids, and my husband has put me through a lot. He has done some things that could have very easily broken us apart but I worked really hard to stick it out. Now, a few years later, we have hit more bumps in the road and I find myself asking "how much can one person take?? At what point do I say 'enough is enough'????". I feel our marriage crumbling and I don't know if I have the strength to hold it together. That is probably the problem, most of the time I feel like I am the only one holding it together. I am constantly amazed at how completely oblivious my husband is to, well, everything. It's a bit like being married to a really handy robot. And he blames it all on how he was raised, which is a bit 'blah blah blah' to me. It feels like his way of not taking responsibility. I think I feel that way because he has recognized the issue and never once taken any steps to address the issue, which ends up hurting me even more in the end. It feels like he doesn't really care. 


I'm scared to take the steps that I'm certain I need to take. I'm scared to explain to my kids why mommy and daddy live apart. I'm afraid of being alone all the time. I'm scared of how vicious my in-laws will become when they are my ex-in-laws (They are already quite vicious). I'm scared of feeling my heart break more. I don't know if it has ever fully recovered. 


 This feels a bit like a rant. It doesn't relieve the lump in my throat or the ache in my heart, but I guess it does remind that i need to take care of me. I don't want my babies to grow up thinking that misery in a marriage is the norm. 

JuliaBrady
JuliaBrady

this is my failed marriage in spades..  only opposite....  he was def she in this piece......thank you for verbalizing this ..  great read.!!  I was certainly not perfect by any means..   24 years to screw things up or get them right..  we both finally just stopped trying.....

Jcbeloved24
Jcbeloved24

Dan, you are incredible. I just love everything you put out there. Thanks for being so transparent. The truths you have discovered about life have helped more people then you could fathom just by you sharing them. Keep doing what you do my dear!

chi101key
chi101key

As a person i agree with everything you've mentioned. NOW, as a wife i'd like to disagree with two: periods and the language of love. 

periods are not just gross for a man, women hate it too! knowing all the way that its the most healthy, natural thing to happen to a woman. yes, it happens every month and its been happening for a while but that does not make it easier, its ok to find it gross but i find myself wanting to talk about it, its a way to cope. i know my husband finds it gross, he even says so, i don't care if he makes faces when i do, i just want it out of my system so i suck it up, "be a woman" and let him be grossed out anyway. now he's used to it and probably just pretends to listen but i'm ok with that.


secondly, the fun part of relationships are the different ways we express ourselves. language is for communication, if i need to be understood, i will say it the way you understand and not force you to learn my language. it works both ways off course. mine is touch, my husband's is verbal and acts of service. we took time to warm up to this but found our way around it. the key i found to this is simply asking, i dont expect to be mind read. if i am feeling blue and need a cuddle, i will just ask for it, i have also communicated the different non verbal cues at which point he is meant to just be there physically, at first it may seem insincere but once you see it transform the other person's mood you see where they're coming from. what is the point in me cuddling him when he is upset about something at work when all he wants to hear is, "you're good at what you do, they are lucky to have you"


i feel like given the premise, everything else that worked against your grain made it impossible to handle things that normally you could tolerate. i am sorry, not trying to tell you how you feel or that its not equally real. 


everything else for me is bang on!!! so far i have not made any of these errors, at least i think so. you've inspired me to sit down with my man and ask him if i am doing alright , coz he is doing great as a husband and here i am assuming i am too. thank you for your honesty.



Abbeygirl11
Abbeygirl11

Thanks for posting this. I am married, and in Nov. we will be celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. I read the whole series, and I definitely see things he does in the 16 ways I blew my marriage, but I definitely see things I do in this article as well. Good to think about these things.

As far as Aunt Flo goes, I agree with what you said. I do tell my husband when Aunt Flo is here, just so he knows I may be irritable, and in serious pain for a few days (I get bad cramps, and will complain about that to him, but that is it). However, I would never ask him to appreciate, or have long talks about it. That is what I have my girlfriends for. And though once he did buy my product for me, because I had to go to the bathroom at the store, and so he was nice and just went through the line anyway (which was his choice as I didn't him expect him to do that), I would never ask him to buy them for me. First off, due to a severe allergic reaction, I have to use a specific brand only, and I like a specific type of that brand. He would not know what brand or type to buy anyway. And just because he is lucky enough to not have to go through it, doesn't mean I should force him to go through all the specifics with me. As I said, that is what I have my girlfriends for. The only thing I ask is that he be a little more patient with me then due to my irritability that I really can't control.

Again, thanks for your post. It made me see both sides!

KP
KP

Wow.  This post went straight to my heart.  As a wife in a long term marriage how many times have I done the things you list?  I don't want to be that kind of person ever or anymore.  Thank you for your courage and vulnerability.  Your post made me want to be a better person.  I hope things are going well for you now.  I too am seeking blogging as a way to be authentic to me, inspite of what I think people want from me.  It's life-changing isn't it?


With respect,


aglassclearfull.blogspot.com

Andy
Andy

Dan
You are a Genius, I must say. The self-realisation and self-discovery process you have gone through will really help you not only to be a perfect partner, but will enable your future partner to become one themselves.
Can I just add to this that a lot of people talk about understanding. Sometimes, it is impossible to understand. The things that our partner may do  may be incomprehensible. I'm not talking about the illegal stuff that can cause hurt to themselves and to others, but those that we just find weird.
It's okay NOT to understand. We can ask in an attempt to understand, but still, it's just not reachable.
Just accept. If it's not a deal breaker, then accept, because it is still the person you loved.

redmagiq
redmagiq

thanks for reminding me that i fell in love with my friend, and if i do it right we get to become better friends... and that even more important than being in love is being in like.  i would rather be happy than right ~ and i think a good relationship is 60-40, both ways.

BeccaMiller1
BeccaMiller1

This is awesome!!!!! Seriously! Being a woman, I don't understand why women don't get it. Granted, I was the only girl of 4 (and an army of neighbor kids) so I believe I think more on a man's wave length, but common sense has to figure in there somewhere and there are some woman that are just clueless. When you at least attempt to understand the opposite sex, it truly opens so many lines of communication and doors. Men aren't built like women and to force them to see things the way we do is just down right foolish, and quite frankly selfish. It's just human decency to understand other people. Excellent blog, sir!!!

ToriGilbertMoyes
ToriGilbertMoyes


I just wanted to express my gratitude and appreciation to prophet salifu for bringing my husband back to me,I was married to my husband for 4 years and all of a sudden he started seeing another lady (his mistress).he started hailing at me and he was abusive.. and he hated me , but I still loved him with all my heart . the situation made me unsettle and not to focus at work .so a friend  told me about trying (prophet salifu )spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to him ? i did not listen to her and hoped that my husband will come back home . after 9 month of seperation and depression , it got out of hand and my husband came back home to break the news to me that he want a divorce that he is getting married to his mistress  .Hmmm it was so shocking to me ,i felt sad and more depressed ,so i contacted my friend again and decieded to try to use spiritual means reluctantly..although I didn't believe in all those things?   I never thought in a million years that i will get my husband back to me a again. but I was proved wrong.after 24 hours, my husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes..i just couldn't believe it that we are back together. I am deeply satisfied and thankful with prophet salifu work  .if you also want to fix you marriage or relationship  email him at [email protected] or [email protected]  , his work is for a better life .

Ashleydanielle
Ashleydanielle

This man is a genius. I'm 22 years old and am engaged to be married. This has taught me a lot about myself and my fiance. Although I am a female, I can relate to his point of view perfectly. He made me reflect upon myself and my actions and how they may or may not be making my fiance feel.

I absolutely love this because not only does it give me insight in marriage and what to do to better myself as a future wife, but he tells the pros of what could have happened if things were different.

I'm happy to see that he has come to peace and has the acknowledgment that it was not all his fault and that there's two sides and two people to blame.

SheriRusso
SheriRusso

Um...What the hell is 'love language?"  I am afraid I have never heard that term before.  Please explain.  I am not married (never been) and this may come in handy.

The Vegan Nana
The Vegan Nana

I think this guy is pretty sweet. He is definitely in touch with his feelings and doesn't want to fall into the same unhealthy patterns (his & hers) with a new partner again. We are ALL perfectly imperfect! This cute guy looks like he's learning from the past and moving forward with a sense of humor!  That's the best we can do! I wish him lots of love and happiness in his new relationships. If I were single and twenty years younger, I'd give him a call.  lol


Reading this made me value my relationship with my sweet hubby even more.  He's amazing, and I'm a very lucky woman.   I'm also amazing, and HE is very lucky, as well. Neither of us are perfect ::: small chuckle:::    We both know this.  Second time around for both of us.   ;)  

CatherineBruno
CatherineBruno

I feel like a lot of these things are things that should be talked about before you get married, for example your religious beliefs. I'm in the same boat for religion and I even broke up with someone because I felt our beliefs differed and didn't think it would work out. The whole period thing annoyed me, I'm very private about mine mostly because I find it unsanitary and a pain and there is no way in hell I would want to make someone else feel the same way. And I think that's what it should be for everyone, no one needs to know that but you, if you have to talk about it then talk to a girlfriend or your mom. What really grossed me out were the zits. Seriously?! Why in the hell would you want to pop zits on someone? And why would you like it? I mean eww. That would have been a deal breaker right there if I were a dude.

VeraleeMassey
VeraleeMassey

This was hard to read, but kind of amazing. My husband of nearly 17 years and I are in the process of divorcing and it has been awful. I see myself in most of what you wrote. Wish I would have read something like this sooner. Wish he could have communicated something like it when it could have helped. I guess we move on and hope to do better next time. Thanks for being so honest.


--V

Volleygal
Volleygal

Thankyou, whilst I am not a guy, this was extremely informative to me as a wife. We are coming up on our 23rd anniversary and its great to hear from someone's experiences. A great reminder that men have very real emotional needs that have to be met. Thankyou again.

Elizabeth
Elizabeth

I am not married, but I do have something to comment on this. I understand what he is saying about in most of these. I don't feel comfortable talking to people about "Aunt Flo." Because let's be honest, it's disgusting. Don't tell me it's not. I also have horrible pains, worse than most people, because I have something medically wrong with me. I still do not go tell everyone. Also, I am currently trying to lose weight and have been for a year. I hate hearing from guys I may be seeing at the time, that I don't need to lose anymore weight. In all honestly, for me, it is not about getting to be sexy. It is about getting healthy. This man has a point. 

kelsey
kelsey

This was actually really helpful! Thank you! I am struggling with a relationship right now which I hope will be long-term and fulfilling for both of us. Reading through the things you didn't like in your relationship(s) I actually saw several things which I do! I'm so glad that you are putting these posts up because people just don't talk about this kind of thing. They try to say you'll know if you find the right person and that it'll work out if it's meant to be, but really we're all just human and we all make mistakes. It's often very difficult to figure out what to do to make a relationship work and sometimes you don't even know what you're looking for in the relationship until you're past the point of caring about it anymore. I am very sorry that your marriages ended, but I am so thankful that you have decided to share your own experience with them. I have read both your posts and have appreciated both very much.

Shelby
Shelby

As someone who has actually read the previous blogs, I think this is a wonderful addition. People love to forget there is two sides to every story.

All of the women on here calling him an immature man child should be ashamed of themselves. We constantly demand that men be more sensitive and in tune with their emotions and when we get it, we don't like it. Why is that? Because then we have to take responsibility for the part we've played in our partners feelings. It really shows how one sided we are as a gender and it's pathetic.

Dan, I hope if you ever get married again it works out for you! We all have things we can fix, but you seem to have great perspective! Good luck to you!

kristy
kristy

I could go on and on about how awesome it is that you shared how YOU felt she negatively impacted the relationship, and how you could have handled those situations positively.
I'm going to go ahead and comment on the Aunt Flo one, like every other woman has. Except, a response to them, rather than you.
I don't give a great rip if he buy tampons, examines used ones, or turns green when she explains the volume

and consistency of her current cycle. Somehow women use their menstrual cycle as a golden ticket to Ego-land. 

You are bleeding. You are in pain. You have life dying inside of you (how much more dramatic can we make this). 

But if it makes a guy uncomfortable why they hell do you feel compelled to force him adapt. It's awful. I know. I 

have one. And I have endometriosis. So they are quite a bit more painful than the normal cycle. Luckily for me my 

man understands that I need comfort and attention when I'm in pain, or tired, or PISSED THE F*CK OFF. He 

doesn't also need to concern himself with the hazmat details, unless he wants to. In which I would share if it were 

some how important to, though I can't for the life of me think what would be so important and I why I would want a 

man who isn't a physician or gynecologist to troubleshoot with. 

MEN: When my man and I were first together I noticed how patient he was with me when I was PMS'ing. I thought 

it was awesome, but also was curious how he had developed an appreciation for it. He said his sister once told 

him that pms'ing (the bitchy part) was pretty much like trying to quite smoking cold turkey. Which he had done. He 

recognized that you're constantly irritated, can't get it to stop and wish everyone around you would just walk away 

before you hit someone. And that's pretty much it. I've never smoked or had to quit so I thought it was pretty before

awesome there was some tangible correlation for some men (obviously only smokers) to grasp. 

I'm praying you maintain your humility and are able to find a person who understands that sacrifice is what relationships depend on. You seem to have taken and experience that can sometimes crush and cripple a person and let it be a teaching season. Good job being a student of life. This is me cheering you on to continue being a student.  

Mick
Mick

Thank you for this post. I am recently engaged and to be frank, I can see myself doing quite a few of these things to my fiancé. Made me stop in my tracks to realize how I made HIM feel and his perspective on the situation.


Wonderful insight- this was a game changer for me- THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

bkharris08
bkharris08

This is a very insightful post! A lot of the times when marriages fail or get into really bad places, people are left wondering how they got there. It's the little day to day things that matter. Also, it seems like there is a quickly growing trend of women belittling men. So many women complain and nag about everything they want their guy to be doing. Reading this was a good reminder, as a wife, that my husband has things he needs or wants me to be doing. Thanks for sharing!

Oh and in skimming the comments I thought it was funny that the one most women disagreed with was the Aunt Flow one.

umlr005
umlr005

All of these are so great to read, I love reading your perspective, being from a male, it makes me get a sense of what my fiance may be feeling on some items.  I'm getting married in 11 days and I can't tell you how much I appreciate this post!

skylerbaldwin
skylerbaldwin

Thank you so much for this. I have been married for a year, with an 8 month old son. (Yes, if you do the math, that means we got married while I was pregnant, but no, we did not get married BECAUSE I was pregnant, we were already engaged #endinsecureneedtoexplain) I want more than anything to make our marriage work because he is my very best friend. I always love to hear what is important to men in a marriage, and store the precious information in my head to keep from making any fatal mistakes. Keep on writing, you're kinda good at it. ;)

HeatherIn951
HeatherIn951

#1 is a a really good one (for myself) to remember.  Thanks. 

Thank you
Thank you

I am in my early 20's and I realize that so far I have done these things in all my failed relationships. I would like to thank you for opening my eyes to my mistakes.

HollyBrooksMoore
HollyBrooksMoore

As a wife of 21 years I realize I am doing a few of these. This post opened up a beautiful convo with the hubbs and we are the better for it! Thank you for this one! 

Jenna Murray
Jenna Murray

This made my heart hurt but at the same time it made me happy, they're all very good things. Also - number 3 and number 8, HYSTERICAL! 

Mary
Mary

Comparing your wife's period to you taking a crap is not cool. Grow up. 

Katelyn
Katelyn

Some of them are really good lessons for us all to learn although some of them are equal as far as the two of you go. A big one is love language-touch is obviously hers and both of yours matter. Compromise is key. I will also say that when it comes to the whole period thing, you kind of need to get over it. I don't mean to sound harsh but in my experience, a period is a gross and very painful reality and it makes it so much better to be able to complain to my partner about it (even a little). It's happening to half the population and just because you're lucky enough that it isn't happening to you doesn't mean you shouldn't be sympathetic. Other than that though, I think this is a pretty sound list. I hope that if you marry again, you two will be able to work things out better and communicated your needs. 

Alexxis
Alexxis

You made me realize so many things I'm doing wrong without even realizing I was doing them. I'm going to start making these changes in my life right now! Thank you so much for this.

Caitlin
Caitlin

Wow. A few of your items really hit home. They echoed things that my partner has tried to express to me that don't really work for him or are hurting our relationship, but hearing them from someone else made them easier to hear without becoming defensive. I do those some of these things. And they are shitty. And I love him so seriously why do I ignore him when he tries to ask me to stop? Thank you for the insight and for giving me another perspective. 


A
A

We women love to overthink and analyze things from every point of view we can think of...and often it doesn't include a man's point of view.  Thank you for your insight into ways that we might be messing up because it allows us to fix it.  


Thank you for your courage, and your advice to both men and women.

klavs
klavs

Thank you - as a wife this is so helpful. 

Jen
Jen

I think my heart actually hurts.. I feel like this is spot on.

Kate
Kate

Thank-you! Reading it nodding to myself and recognising too much. I've just sent him a text telling how much I appreciate his big dreams and how hard he works to make them happen, even though it also scares me witless!

MadisonRubyRitter
MadisonRubyRitter

She sounds like a miserable person to live with and honestly this is so very helpful. I commend you for your bravery and your willingness to help others in their marriage. I'll be sure to refer to your tips when I get married someday! You are truly an inspiration.

Stephanie J
Stephanie J

Nailed it! Thank you for writing this. I think we all have a lot to learn in relationships from both perspectives. This is great.

katsmeow1213
katsmeow1213

I like it. My husband would probably have many of the same complaints, and I recognized that while reading.

BlueCassette
BlueCassette

I'm actually not really surprised there are so many negative posts on here.  It seems to me that 90% of the comments below are made by women.  Seriously?  You're going to call this gentleman a man-child when he's putting out there what most MEN are probably thinking?  I wouldn't be surprised if most of you didn't read his list of shortcomings or you disregarded the fact that he showed both sides at all. 

That said, I loved this article.  It really shows you grew from your past relationships, Dan. I hope that one day you find a partner-in-crime who can roll with the many truths you dropped on this page.

Owlette1
Owlette1

Dan, 

Reading your truths, your views, your opinions on how your marriages were - gave me an "aahhaaa" moment, or two. I appreciate your honesty, all of the time. Truly I do, it reminds me that living a lie isn't really living at all.

Peace to you and yours,

Kristine

SuzannCouts
SuzannCouts

Wow - I'm shocked at how many negative comments there are, and I only read half-way down the first page of them. I appreciate this entry... A LOT! I read the ways you botched the marriage previously when a friend shared it on Facebook. It was very emotional for me and my husband and I read it again together. I just stumbled across this today and really, really benefited from it. Although my husband is his own person and could probably write his own list of things, this shines a light. Sometimes (most times) as a stubborn, know-it-all wife, I don't really hear what he says. Reading it from a different perspective allows me to say, "wow, I think I do that." Like the period thing, the tell him how to do stuff better thing, the letting things go thing... Thank you for sharing.

Stephanie Stentzel
Stephanie Stentzel

I loved it. I am going through a divorce, and there are many things on that list i did. Eventually we fell out of love, and I can look at that list and pick out a handful of things that would have made my marriage different. I appreciate your honesty, and it puts into perspective what we can do to better our relationships before it is too late!

combsc
combsc

@SheriRusso There is a book called The Five Love Languages and the book addresses the fact that there are 5 main ways that humans feel loved and the fact that different people have different love languages and that all five of the love languages have their time and place in a relationship so with that being said the love languages are, physical touch, gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, and quality time. The book is written by a Christian therapist but it holds a ton of truth for both Christian and non-Christians alike even if you're not in a romantic relationship. 

SallyM
SallyM

@SheriRusso I believe what he means by love language is the way you feel loved.  Verbal? Physical? Body Language? Favors?  What does someone do that lets you know they love you.  I like when my husband gives me hugs while I'm doing dishes, or kisses me goodnight and goodbye.  More so kisses me for no reason.  Makes me feel loved.  This guy didn't necessarily get the feeling of love from that stuff.  He felt most loved when his wife made him a sandwich, or told him she loves him, or probably even told him that she appreciated something he did.  Some people like little notes left around the house, or like sex a lot.  Different for everyone.

TR
TR

@Mary THAT'S what you got out of it? Wow.