One year ago today, I published a blog post called 16 Ways I Blew My Marriage. It was a post I wrote from a place of complete insecurity, I assure you.

Since then, more than 14,000,000 page views have been recorded on that post. Debate has ensued, many people have found strength in it for their own relationships or for their own futures, and many people have even been aggravated by different parts of it. All for a post that I thought would be forgotten and buried a week after writing it.

I’m truly thankful and humbled by the response it’s gotten, and I assure you it’s surreal to know that so much of my dirty laundry is waving in the wind of millions.

As its title indicates, I shared 16 ways (and later 15 more) that I blew my marriage. It was my role that I recognized in it all. My confession. Things I know I could have done better and should have done better in both marriages. It was what I realized when I had no “make it work” advice for my sister on the eve of her wedding; only “don’t botch it” advice.

As I wrote it, I remember thinking it would be a good idea to follow up with a list of things I wish she (either or both wives I’ve had) would have done better or differently in our marriages. A list of things that hurt me, pushed me to react in unhealthy ways, things that turned me off, things that caused resentment, and more. I remember thinking that that list would be completely different than the list I was currently writing.

Why? Because… Every success and failure of any relationship is two-sided. No matter how thin, the pancake always has two sides. Yes, I blew my marriages. And so did they. And while their personal lists of ways they blew it (and that they may feel I blew it) may be completely different, I wanted to share my own perspective.

I hope that by better understanding me in my failed marriages, some of you might better understand yourselves and the people you are with now and in the future.

So, here is my list. It is so many of my own needs and struggles that I wish I would have recognized and discussed with her while we were still married. Like with the first post, I won’t specify which wife or marriage I’m referring to (it really doesn’t matter).

And please, know that my marriages were full of good gestures, wonderful times, and lots of functional communication. Both women I was married to were good women. I don’t want to forget that as I focus on the “needed improvement” part of it all.

16-ways-she-botched-marriage

16 Ways She Botched Our Marriage
1. I just wanted to feel appreciated.
The number one thing I always longed for and rarely got was appreciation. Appreciation for how hard I worked to provide, appreciation for the time and effort I did put into our relationship, appreciation for the work I put into the home and the yard. Instead of appreciation, I was mostly told everything I could be doing better, where I was slipping, every way I was neglecting her, and why it wasn’t ever enough.
IF I HAD IT TO DO-OVER: I’d have a sit-down with her and openly talk about my need for appreciation. We’d come up with a keyword, like “donkey lips” that meant, right now I really just need to be appreciated before my top blows! and we could both use it with each other without fear of backlash.
BONUS! When I feel appreciated, I work even harder to be awesome for you. That’s the truth.
2. Time apart was nothing personal.
I promised to be with her for the rest of my life when we married, but the truth is I needed a night the heck away from her once in a while. It didn’t mean I didn’t like her. It didn’t mean I didn’t want to be around her. It just meant I needed to recharge. And because I was sometimes made to feel guilt for needing time away, I began to resent her for it more than I ever let on.
IF I HAD IT TO DO-OVER: I wouldn’t wait to take a night to myself until I had been pushed to the point of needing it. I’d make a night away from each other a permanent part of our recurring schedules from the beginning so that it never got to the point where we resented each other for lives too co-dependent and intermingled.
BONUS! When I spend the evening away from you, I actually find myself missing you and appreciating you more.
3. She sometimes insisted on being so gross.
I don’t know why, but she loved popping my zits. She’d hunt all over my body for them and even when I told her repeatedly that I didn’t like it, she insisted and told me to stop whining about it because she liked it. But the truth is, it was always a turn off, I never liked it, and it made me less attracted to her. They were my zits. Mine to pop. In private.
IF I HAD IT TO DO-OVER: I’d look at her every time she started being so gross and I’d say, “this may sound awkward, but would you mind wiping my butt later, too? Or would it be better if I just keep my own grossness to myself?”
BONUS! When you don’t do gross things, I find you to be pin-against-the-wall kissably sexy.
4. Please just let us not fight.
Some people just aren’t fighters. I am not a fighter. It’s not my personality. And for some reason she loved to fight. She loved to push those certain buttons that she knew I couldn’t not fight over once they were pushed. Sometimes I would even straight up beg her to just not fight one time and let it go, and she would push harder and she would push more buttons until we were in a straight-up brawl.
IF I HAD IT TO DO-OVER: Any time she got into one of her “I want to fight” modes, I’d look her right in the eyes and take off one piece of clothing every time she said something new, all in silence and with the most seductively puzzling look ever. If she asked me what I was doing, I’d just say, “I’m sorry, am I reading this wrong?”
BONUS! People who don’t fight and argue as much live longer! Which, you know, sounds pretty neat.
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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with nearly half a million daily subscribers as of 2015. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!
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947 comments
Patchwork_Boy
Patchwork_Boy

I've just read all of this and connected with many. 4 months ago my wife left me saying that her reasons were she was lonely, that she didn't want to resent me in the same way her brother's and sister's marriages ended, and that she found someone new because "the spark went". Now, I wasn't one for trying, she just kept turning my efforts down. The fact she likened our marriage to her brother's (who's wife left because he is a man-child) and sister's (who left her violent unreasonable husband) really insulted me. I was never violent with her and I was adult more than often, but just because my goal for a job was in the computer games industry I was childish. Nevermind that I went to university for this job, that I only got so we had more money to get a better living situation.

Our marriage ended because it was all on her. She never spoke to me about stuff, she made little effort, and I was compared to others. How wrong and unfair.

Skogshumla
Skogshumla

Really appreciated all your posts, but what a child you are concerning periods. Can't even buy tampons? Grow up.  Most women don't like our periods either but we have to put up with it anyways and it doesn't help to shame periods even more, as it already does in media.

astruc
astruc

Did you ever wonder if your wife might be a feeder.

AnikaT
AnikaT

I have been reading a lot of your previous posts lately. I simply find you hilarious. My husband and I have been going through a rough patch. I feel like we're in a #3 type of marriage like you described in another post...at least right now. I read your posts on the way you feel you blew your marriage, and what I got out of it was, "Hey, my husband does all those same things! He is BLOWING our marriage." Well, today I have been kicked off my high horse a little because I just read this post on ways your ex botched your marriage. I do not identify with all of them, but there are a number of them that I do. Imagine that. It's not just my husband that is a tool. I've been a tool too. Thanks for the eye-opener. You rock.

R in Colorado
R in Colorado

My husband of just over 2 years and I are having a rough patch and up until I read your post I've been putting the majority of the blame on him.  I knew I had a part in our problems, but I truly believed that the majority of it was/is his fault.  After reading this list and realizing I'm guilty of just at half of it - I realize now that we got to this places of complacency 50/50.  I know there are things I need to work on that I didn't even think about before reading this list (like the gross one!  I don't know why I get satisfaction popping the bumps on his back, but I do and I don't think he really likes it OR the staying young one, I'm real quick to choose staying in with a movie, a pizza and my pj's than going out to shows or a party).  Thanks for sharing this insight.  Seeing it from a man's perspective is eye opening.



R

Taj McNamara
Taj McNamara

I re-read this as being single and getting to know people I might want to date...it's a good idea to have a mental/emotional 'tune up' now and then to keep myself, and the expectations, real. When I got divorced a few years ago...the 'blame game' was in full-swing-overtime-full-court-press mode. After a few months, I sat down and wrote him a big, long letter. Four pages of admitting my faults, my shortcomings, my wrongs. Forgiving him, and myself. I still remember the day I walked into his office without a word and set it in his hands. I'd agonized over that letter- every word, the punctuation- even the color of the envelope. I wanted it to be a final- and hopefully peace-brokering statement to him that I had loved him with everything I had....even if I had often done so, poorly. I learned so much in losing the love of my life to OUR mistakes and OUR lack of ability to handle life and it's challenges. Having taken the time to see my own faults, flaws, and stupidity- is letting me have hope that at some point, I'll work on something with someone who wants to navigate it all with me from a better perspective. Thank you, Dan, for giving some food for thought, to help 'tune up' where I was, where I am, and where I want to be. Awesome.

Sharonacles
Sharonacles

So, do you still feel the same way about #8 now that you've written your soggy burrito post? lol

AndySivilaythong
AndySivilaythong

#14 is something I'm really needing and wanting to work on.  I see so many of these taking place in my past relationships and wonder myself, what I could have done better.

NatalieGurley
NatalieGurley

This was so funny and amazing! I truly respect this coming from a man's perspective. Thanks for the insight, it's great!

AigbehiBravo
AigbehiBravo

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NatashaJohnson
NatashaJohnson

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NatashaJohnson
NatashaJohnson




 
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nastyaheyo
nastyaheyo

I think that love must be pure and free! Because when you have the effort and distrust in your relations, you cannot normal develop and improve yourself and the life in general! Love gives us the wings but not burden, because love is a beautiful feeling! For example, before my meeting with my husband I was another person. Many Russian girls are still in search- you can check it in Russian brides agency http://www.bridge-of-love.com/ I didn't know what I want to do in my life!!! But my beloved man helps me and now I'm in perfect harmony with myself!) To my mind, love makes miracles with us!))) It mustn't be a problem! It's necessary to find the real love and to keep it in our hearts!!!) The most important is to create close-knit family and to be happy with your sweetheart!) Look for yourself and get everything! ;)

reader
reader

In your previous post you specifically address sarcasm, and then your solution to her grossness would be to say a sarcastic comment? If your point was that she wasn't listening to your pleas and you anticipate to resorting to sarcasm, I'm bummed. You give great insight, and sure it's not always easy to do what you preach- but I hope if this does come up again in a future relationship of yours, you stick to the standards you have set for yourself. If you say you regret utilizing sarcasm often, then don't whip it out to discuss an actual issue you have. If she doesn't listen, your new issue is that she isn't listening and proceed from there. Don't belittle your issues to a sarcastic jab. 


But what do I know, I'm 25 and never been married. Maybe the line was supposed to be funny. Just be consistent about what you write, man. 

RoxanaAMacdougall
RoxanaAMacdougall

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katygirl54
katygirl54

Wow!  This should be required reading for every person contemplating marriage.  Very insightful.  I'm old enough to be your mother and I found myself understanding so many things I did to screw up my past marriage.  Thank you!!

kitkat211014
kitkat211014

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Amarenza
Amarenza

I've been Following your blog for two years and I never saw this until I got the 'Single Dad Laughing' app today. As a wife for the last ten years it spoke to my heart, amazing read!

Red
Red

Maybe you should have said you were bi sexual before you got married or that you didn't believe in the lds faith, especially since you met on lds singles .com..

Maria
Maria

Would you prefer it though if she told you "someone's been eating too much lately" or "perhaps it's time you hit the gym" as you got fatter? I mean, you're getting fatter, but your woman tells you you still look sexy to her and you're upset about it? Or all you can think of is "never mind your taste, I bet other girls don't find me attractive anymore"? I honestly don't get that.

Maria
Maria

Everything else I agree with and it's a really useful post so thanks for writing it.

kbdeary
kbdeary

I am surprised I don't do any of these things. At least not that I know of anyways. I'm a dreamer too and always get my dreams stepped on by my husband. Need to send him all of these links see what I'm doing wrong and don't realize and show him how I feel because you word it perfectly! Especially the fitness thing! I don't want to be told I can't do it even if it's true I want to try and fail on my own.

CariSwadley
CariSwadley

...i'm starting to suspect i'm a husband...

Madd1
Madd1

I know a man who is married to someone who has most (if not all) the negative qualities that is on this list. And I have always wondered, people can for only so long when you are dating them pretend to be some thing they are not (from what I have read the limit is 3 months) before that someone shows you their true colors. My question is: when the author's wife (girlfriend at the time) started to show all the negative qualities she possessed (and she did, like all people do after you have known them a while) why did he continue to date her... then eventually marry her? The red flags, I am betting, were always there, they always are, so why did he and others like him (women, are included in this) ignore red flag qualities in the people they date and then eventually marry? Then they act shocked and disappointed when their SO constantly shows them their negative qualities which were there the whole time. I will never understand this. Also the friend I am speaking about his wife turned out to suffer from NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), yep she is a narcissist, but my friend didn't know it. So I also wonder if the author of this list, if his ex-wife, is also a narcissist. Narcissists are really good at being charming at first to draw you in to their world and then once they do they let their guard down and show you their real selves, which is not pretty.

KvH
KvH

For a while I have sensed the need of having a some sort of a list, in order to know what is in a relationship normal and what's not. Thank You for Your list. It is hopefully making everyone who reads it do their lists and discuss the matters with current partners before the life takes separate ways. 


I have only the opportunity to learn from my mistakes, in hope of helping my children not to make the same ones. Childhood, parents, siblings help a lot to a person's development. I would not stand on one side of the road and point my finger towards my partner, or lower my head while swallowing the blame alone. We all have invisible bags with us, when we enter the new life as ''together'' so two are in the relationship and hopefully only two go out of it if ever necessary. The best part and the dirtiest spots in ones personality come out when children enter the picture of ''happy togetherness''. Years sleepless nights, days fulfilling necessary tasks, demand on being shiny and happy, parents in law making sure you feel unpleasant in your own home etc does not play a helping hand in keeping the ''happy marriage'' on the road. I must say I sensed no love in the described marriage You happened to experience. That is, I sense as much love in this as in my own. Things made by Your wife were as if her age was under the limit of the right of getting married. She needed guidance from You and strength as a man=father, but not as an equal partner. From my behalf, I have not done the things You have listed :D. I encourage my husband in everything he wants to do and does. To Support an other is a normal part of my nature. Never the less, the first lesson I take with me now, 13 years later is - speak up and in some things there can be no compromises. 

In all that happens in life I think, is the positive note that one should never forget - we learn from mistakes. Only (!) mistakes/problems/hard times show who we are. Who we actually can be. So You have at hand grate opportunity to grow so much more spiritually into so much more confident and strong person. I wish You all the best on this road. 

KvH

KaylaS
KaylaS

I am a woman who is married and I think this is great...a relationship is 2 sided and you make me want to be better for my husband. Thank you.

GuestLatta
GuestLatta

Ummmm, this is so great. As a woman I only look at things from my point of view and since I have a "non fighter" I take silence as something else like, he doesn't care so I must push more. This really put me back into check and think this is great!! If we both can't look at ourselves and see what we may be doing wrong then it is doomed. :)

Timika
Timika

Why am I just now seeing this... Epically truthful and enlightening. I wish all men could convey this level of honesty. All the best to you. P.S. The format reads like an easy-to-use primer and I loved it. Book worthy.

Bonnie Jordan
Bonnie Jordan

this is AWESOME!  number 16 is my favorite! I couldn't agree more with it!  I love to laugh!  when you have someone that you can be crazy, silly, goofy, and have fun with it makes life so much more fun! 

DawnPushor
DawnPushor

I think this is amazing. It is great to hear what a man really thinks. As awesome as I think I am I unfortunately relate to quite a few of these. My relationship is really struggling and I have been so good at pointing my finger when I guess I should be turning it around and looking at my flaws as much as his. Thank you for sharing. -Dawn

Ann G
Ann G

Having read this post and the one about you... my heart hurts. I've been married for 6 years, we have 2 kids, and my husband has put me through a lot. He has done some things that could have very easily broken us apart but I worked really hard to stick it out. Now, a few years later, we have hit more bumps in the road and I find myself asking "how much can one person take?? At what point do I say 'enough is enough'????". I feel our marriage crumbling and I don't know if I have the strength to hold it together. That is probably the problem, most of the time I feel like I am the only one holding it together. I am constantly amazed at how completely oblivious my husband is to, well, everything. It's a bit like being married to a really handy robot. And he blames it all on how he was raised, which is a bit 'blah blah blah' to me. It feels like his way of not taking responsibility. I think I feel that way because he has recognized the issue and never once taken any steps to address the issue, which ends up hurting me even more in the end. It feels like he doesn't really care. 


I'm scared to take the steps that I'm certain I need to take. I'm scared to explain to my kids why mommy and daddy live apart. I'm afraid of being alone all the time. I'm scared of how vicious my in-laws will become when they are my ex-in-laws (They are already quite vicious). I'm scared of feeling my heart break more. I don't know if it has ever fully recovered. 


 This feels a bit like a rant. It doesn't relieve the lump in my throat or the ache in my heart, but I guess it does remind that i need to take care of me. I don't want my babies to grow up thinking that misery in a marriage is the norm. 

JuliaBrady
JuliaBrady

this is my failed marriage in spades..  only opposite....  he was def she in this piece......thank you for verbalizing this ..  great read.!!  I was certainly not perfect by any means..   24 years to screw things up or get them right..  we both finally just stopped trying.....

Jcbeloved24
Jcbeloved24

Dan, you are incredible. I just love everything you put out there. Thanks for being so transparent. The truths you have discovered about life have helped more people then you could fathom just by you sharing them. Keep doing what you do my dear!

chi101key
chi101key

As a person i agree with everything you've mentioned. NOW, as a wife i'd like to disagree with two: periods and the language of love. 

periods are not just gross for a man, women hate it too! knowing all the way that its the most healthy, natural thing to happen to a woman. yes, it happens every month and its been happening for a while but that does not make it easier, its ok to find it gross but i find myself wanting to talk about it, its a way to cope. i know my husband finds it gross, he even says so, i don't care if he makes faces when i do, i just want it out of my system so i suck it up, "be a woman" and let him be grossed out anyway. now he's used to it and probably just pretends to listen but i'm ok with that.


secondly, the fun part of relationships are the different ways we express ourselves. language is for communication, if i need to be understood, i will say it the way you understand and not force you to learn my language. it works both ways off course. mine is touch, my husband's is verbal and acts of service. we took time to warm up to this but found our way around it. the key i found to this is simply asking, i dont expect to be mind read. if i am feeling blue and need a cuddle, i will just ask for it, i have also communicated the different non verbal cues at which point he is meant to just be there physically, at first it may seem insincere but once you see it transform the other person's mood you see where they're coming from. what is the point in me cuddling him when he is upset about something at work when all he wants to hear is, "you're good at what you do, they are lucky to have you"


i feel like given the premise, everything else that worked against your grain made it impossible to handle things that normally you could tolerate. i am sorry, not trying to tell you how you feel or that its not equally real. 


everything else for me is bang on!!! so far i have not made any of these errors, at least i think so. you've inspired me to sit down with my man and ask him if i am doing alright , coz he is doing great as a husband and here i am assuming i am too. thank you for your honesty.



Abbeygirl11
Abbeygirl11

Thanks for posting this. I am married, and in Nov. we will be celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. I read the whole series, and I definitely see things he does in the 16 ways I blew my marriage, but I definitely see things I do in this article as well. Good to think about these things.

As far as Aunt Flo goes, I agree with what you said. I do tell my husband when Aunt Flo is here, just so he knows I may be irritable, and in serious pain for a few days (I get bad cramps, and will complain about that to him, but that is it). However, I would never ask him to appreciate, or have long talks about it. That is what I have my girlfriends for. And though once he did buy my product for me, because I had to go to the bathroom at the store, and so he was nice and just went through the line anyway (which was his choice as I didn't him expect him to do that), I would never ask him to buy them for me. First off, due to a severe allergic reaction, I have to use a specific brand only, and I like a specific type of that brand. He would not know what brand or type to buy anyway. And just because he is lucky enough to not have to go through it, doesn't mean I should force him to go through all the specifics with me. As I said, that is what I have my girlfriends for. The only thing I ask is that he be a little more patient with me then due to my irritability that I really can't control.

Again, thanks for your post. It made me see both sides!

KP
KP

Wow.  This post went straight to my heart.  As a wife in a long term marriage how many times have I done the things you list?  I don't want to be that kind of person ever or anymore.  Thank you for your courage and vulnerability.  Your post made me want to be a better person.  I hope things are going well for you now.  I too am seeking blogging as a way to be authentic to me, inspite of what I think people want from me.  It's life-changing isn't it?


With respect,


aglassclearfull.blogspot.com

Andy
Andy

Dan
You are a Genius, I must say. The self-realisation and self-discovery process you have gone through will really help you not only to be a perfect partner, but will enable your future partner to become one themselves.
Can I just add to this that a lot of people talk about understanding. Sometimes, it is impossible to understand. The things that our partner may do  may be incomprehensible. I'm not talking about the illegal stuff that can cause hurt to themselves and to others, but those that we just find weird.
It's okay NOT to understand. We can ask in an attempt to understand, but still, it's just not reachable.
Just accept. If it's not a deal breaker, then accept, because it is still the person you loved.

redmagiq
redmagiq

thanks for reminding me that i fell in love with my friend, and if i do it right we get to become better friends... and that even more important than being in love is being in like.  i would rather be happy than right ~ and i think a good relationship is 60-40, both ways.

BeccaMiller1
BeccaMiller1

This is awesome!!!!! Seriously! Being a woman, I don't understand why women don't get it. Granted, I was the only girl of 4 (and an army of neighbor kids) so I believe I think more on a man's wave length, but common sense has to figure in there somewhere and there are some woman that are just clueless. When you at least attempt to understand the opposite sex, it truly opens so many lines of communication and doors. Men aren't built like women and to force them to see things the way we do is just down right foolish, and quite frankly selfish. It's just human decency to understand other people. Excellent blog, sir!!!

ToriGilbertMoyes
ToriGilbertMoyes


I just wanted to express my gratitude and appreciation to prophet salifu for bringing my husband back to me,I was married to my husband for 4 years and all of a sudden he started seeing another lady (his mistress).he started hailing at me and he was abusive.. and he hated me , but I still loved him with all my heart . the situation made me unsettle and not to focus at work .so a friend  told me about trying (prophet salifu )spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to him ? i did not listen to her and hoped that my husband will come back home . after 9 month of seperation and depression , it got out of hand and my husband came back home to break the news to me that he want a divorce that he is getting married to his mistress  .Hmmm it was so shocking to me ,i felt sad and more depressed ,so i contacted my friend again and decieded to try to use spiritual means reluctantly..although I didn't believe in all those things?   I never thought in a million years that i will get my husband back to me a again. but I was proved wrong.after 24 hours, my husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes..i just couldn't believe it that we are back together. I am deeply satisfied and thankful with prophet salifu work  .if you also want to fix you marriage or relationship  email him at [email protected] or [email protected]  , his work is for a better life .

Ashleydanielle
Ashleydanielle

This man is a genius. I'm 22 years old and am engaged to be married. This has taught me a lot about myself and my fiance. Although I am a female, I can relate to his point of view perfectly. He made me reflect upon myself and my actions and how they may or may not be making my fiance feel.

I absolutely love this because not only does it give me insight in marriage and what to do to better myself as a future wife, but he tells the pros of what could have happened if things were different.

I'm happy to see that he has come to peace and has the acknowledgment that it was not all his fault and that there's two sides and two people to blame.

SheriRusso
SheriRusso

Um...What the hell is 'love language?"  I am afraid I have never heard that term before.  Please explain.  I am not married (never been) and this may come in handy.

SallyM
SallyM

@SheriRusso I believe what he means by love language is the way you feel loved.  Verbal? Physical? Body Language? Favors?  What does someone do that lets you know they love you.  I like when my husband gives me hugs while I'm doing dishes, or kisses me goodnight and goodbye.  More so kisses me for no reason.  Makes me feel loved.  This guy didn't necessarily get the feeling of love from that stuff.  He felt most loved when his wife made him a sandwich, or told him she loves him, or probably even told him that she appreciated something he did.  Some people like little notes left around the house, or like sex a lot.  Different for everyone.

combsc
combsc

@SheriRusso There is a book called The Five Love Languages and the book addresses the fact that there are 5 main ways that humans feel loved and the fact that different people have different love languages and that all five of the love languages have their time and place in a relationship so with that being said the love languages are, physical touch, gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, and quality time. The book is written by a Christian therapist but it holds a ton of truth for both Christian and non-Christians alike even if you're not in a romantic relationship. 

The Vegan Nana
The Vegan Nana

I think this guy is pretty sweet. He is definitely in touch with his feelings and doesn't want to fall into the same unhealthy patterns (his & hers) with a new partner again. We are ALL perfectly imperfect! This cute guy looks like he's learning from the past and moving forward with a sense of humor!  That's the best we can do! I wish him lots of love and happiness in his new relationships. If I were single and twenty years younger, I'd give him a call.  lol


Reading this made me value my relationship with my sweet hubby even more.  He's amazing, and I'm a very lucky woman.   I'm also amazing, and HE is very lucky, as well. Neither of us are perfect ::: small chuckle:::    We both know this.  Second time around for both of us.   ;)  

CatherineBruno
CatherineBruno

I feel like a lot of these things are things that should be talked about before you get married, for example your religious beliefs. I'm in the same boat for religion and I even broke up with someone because I felt our beliefs differed and didn't think it would work out. The whole period thing annoyed me, I'm very private about mine mostly because I find it unsanitary and a pain and there is no way in hell I would want to make someone else feel the same way. And I think that's what it should be for everyone, no one needs to know that but you, if you have to talk about it then talk to a girlfriend or your mom. What really grossed me out were the zits. Seriously?! Why in the hell would you want to pop zits on someone? And why would you like it? I mean eww. That would have been a deal breaker right there if I were a dude.

VeraleeMassey
VeraleeMassey

This was hard to read, but kind of amazing. My husband of nearly 17 years and I are in the process of divorcing and it has been awful. I see myself in most of what you wrote. Wish I would have read something like this sooner. Wish he could have communicated something like it when it could have helped. I guess we move on and hope to do better next time. Thanks for being so honest.


--V