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16 Ways She Botched Our Marriage

16-ways-she-botched-marriage

One year ago today, I published a blog post called 16 Ways I Blew My Marriage. It was a post I wrote from a place of complete insecurity, I assure you.

Since then, more than 14,000,000 page views have been recorded on that post. Debate has ensued, many people have found strength in it for their own relationships or for their own futures, and many people have even been aggravated by different parts of it. All for a post that I thought would be forgotten and buried a week after writing it.

I’m truly thankful and humbled by the response it’s gotten, and I assure you it’s surreal to know that so much of my dirty laundry is waving in the wind of millions.

As its title indicates, I shared 16 ways (and later 15 more) that I blew my marriage. It was my role that I recognized in it all. My confession. Things I know I could have done better and should have done better in both marriages. It was what I realized when I had no “make it work” advice for my sister on the eve of her wedding; only “don’t botch it” advice.

As I wrote it, I remember thinking it would be a good idea to follow up with a list of things I wish she (either or both wives I’ve had) would have done better or differently in our marriages. A list of things that hurt me, pushed me to react in unhealthy ways, things that turned me off, things that caused resentment, and more. I remember thinking that that list would be completely different than the list I was currently writing.

Why? Because… Every success and failure of any relationship is two-sided. No matter how thin, the pancake always has two sides. Yes, I blew my marriages. And so did they. And while their personal lists of ways they blew it (and that they may feel I blew it) may be completely different, I wanted to share my own perspective.

I hope that by better understanding me in my failed marriages, some of you might better understand yourselves and the people you are with now and in the future.

So, here is my list. It is so many of my own needs and struggles that I wish I would have recognized and discussed with her while we were still married. Like with the first post, I won’t specify which wife or marriage I’m referring to (it really doesn’t matter).

And please, know that my marriages were full of good gestures, wonderful times, and lots of functional communication. Both women I was married to were good women. I don’t want to forget that as I focus on the “needed improvement” part of it all.

16 Ways She Botched Our Marriage
1. I just wanted to feel appreciated.
The number one thing I always longed for and rarely got was appreciation. Appreciation for how hard I worked to provide, appreciation for the time and effort I did put into our relationship, appreciation for the work I put into the home and the yard. Instead of appreciation, I was mostly told everything I could be doing better, where I was slipping, every way I was neglecting her, and why it wasn’t ever enough.
IF I HAD IT TO DO-OVER: I’d have a sit-down with her and openly talk about my need for appreciation. We’d come up with a keyword, like “donkey lips” that meant, right now I really just need to be appreciated before my top blows! and we could both use it with each other without fear of backlash.
BONUS! When I feel appreciated, I work even harder to be awesome for you. That’s the truth.
2. Time apart was nothing personal.
I promised to be with her for the rest of my life when we married, but the truth is I needed a night the heck away from her once in a while. It didn’t mean I didn’t like her. It didn’t mean I didn’t want to be around her. It just meant I needed to recharge. And because I was sometimes made to feel guilt for needing time away, I began to resent her for it more than I ever let on.
IF I HAD IT TO DO-OVER: I wouldn’t wait to take a night to myself until I had been pushed to the point of needing it. I’d make a night away from each other a permanent part of our recurring schedules from the beginning so that it never got to the point where we resented each other for lives too co-dependent and intermingled.
BONUS! When I spend the evening away from you, I actually find myself missing you and appreciating you more.
3. She sometimes insisted on being so gross.
I don’t know why, but she loved popping my zits. She’d hunt all over my body for them and even when I told her repeatedly that I didn’t like it, she insisted and told me to stop whining about it because she liked it. But the truth is, it was always a turn off, I never liked it, and it made me less attracted to her. They were my zits. Mine to pop. In private.
IF I HAD IT TO DO-OVER: I’d look at her every time she started being so gross and I’d say, “this may sound awkward, but would you mind wiping my butt later, too? Or would it be better if I just keep my own grossness to myself?”
BONUS! When you don’t do gross things, I find you to be pin-against-the-wall kissably sexy.
4. Please just let us not fight.
Some people just aren’t fighters. I am not a fighter. It’s not my personality. And for some reason she loved to fight. She loved to push those certain buttons that she knew I couldn’t not fight over once they were pushed. Sometimes I would even straight up beg her to just not fight one time and let it go, and she would push harder and she would push more buttons until we were in a straight-up brawl.
IF I HAD IT TO DO-OVER: Any time she got into one of her “I want to fight” modes, I’d look her right in the eyes and take off one piece of clothing every time she said something new, all in silence and with the most seductively puzzling look ever. If she asked me what I was doing, I’d just say, “I’m sorry, am I reading this wrong?”
BONUS! People who don’t fight and argue as much live longer! Which, you know, sounds pretty neat.

CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE

883 comments
Mary
Mary

Comparing your wife's period to you taking a crap is not cool. Grow up. 

Katelyn
Katelyn

Some of them are really good lessons for us all to learn although some of them are equal as far as the two of you go. A big one is love language-touch is obviously hers and both of yours matter. Compromise is key. I will also say that when it comes to the whole period thing, you kind of need to get over it. I don't mean to sound harsh but in my experience, a period is a gross and very painful reality and it makes it so much better to be able to complain to my partner about it (even a little). It's happening to half the population and just because you're lucky enough that it isn't happening to you doesn't mean you shouldn't be sympathetic. Other than that though, I think this is a pretty sound list. I hope that if you marry again, you two will be able to work things out better and communicated your needs. 

Alexxis
Alexxis

You made me realize so many things I'm doing wrong without even realizing I was doing them. I'm going to start making these changes in my life right now! Thank you so much for this.

Caitlin
Caitlin

Wow. A few of your items really hit home. They echoed things that my partner has tried to express to me that don't really work for him or are hurting our relationship, but hearing them from someone else made them easier to hear without becoming defensive. I do those some of these things. And they are shitty. And I love him so seriously why do I ignore him when he tries to ask me to stop? Thank you for the insight and for giving me another perspective. 


AkugbeSpellCaster
AkugbeSpellCaster

I will love to share my testimony with all my viewers because I never thought I would have another chance with my husband, the man I so much love, he left me for another woman, and when I called him, he never picked my calls, he deleted me on his face book account and then set the status to having a lady with the other chick. I was devastated. I went to three spell casters before I met Dr olub. Who help me get all my lost hope. I lost a lot of money with them and got no results. So when I came to Dr dolubo, I was really leery of him and didn’t think he could help me. I though it is too
good to be true, because all the other spell casters were supposedly good and none of them helped me. I saw the testimonials and read the other testimonials and decided to get the consultation. He said he could help me, but my chances of getting my ex were very low and he didn’t recommend it at all. But I insisted that he at least give me the chance to work with him and try and if it didn’t work, I wouldn’t be upset and I would move on with my life. He agreed. Since he is in jersey and am in need, I decided I would go in person to have my spells cast. He is a really sweet and gentle man, when I met him I was really surprised. He looks very young, and I had my doubts whether or not he would be able to help me. But I figured I came all that way and I said I would try so I tried it. He called a spirit to talk with me and do the work, it was a woman spirit and when it came it totally transformed Dr’s face. That is when I thought to myself that it might just work. The spirit gave me some advice and did the spells. I had a separation spell and a reunion spell done. The spirit said it would take a while for my ex to leave his new girl but once he did, he would come to me very quickly. She gave me some things to take home and do. I did them, but I was really nervous. I think I messed up a few times and I told her and she said just keep going and I would be fine. So I did. It was like 6 or 7 weeks later and I saw that my ex unblocked me from facebook. I saw he had changed his status again to single. So I was super excited because I took this to mean that he had split up with the other girl. About 10,days after that my ex called me. At first, it was weird between us. He wanted to see me. So I went to meet up with him. He didn’t ask me back then. I got very anxious and told t, and she said to stay calm and everything would turn out okay. So I did the best I could although I was still worried. We met up a few more times after that, and still he didn’t ask me back out. So I got a consultation with hector and he said to expect my ex to ask me back out within two weeks from the consultation. I listened, but I wasn’t sure it would happen. Then it was almost 2 weeks later, and I though, damn, doctor was wrong. But the next day (there was like 2 days left from it being 2 weeks) my ex called and we got together. He asked me if I would be willing to try our relationship again, which of course I said yes. That was about 3 weeks ago, and so far we have been doing okay, we still have a lot of things to work out, but I am very happy. dr olubo is the real deal and I am so glad that I found him and I recommend him to anyone who needs help. Thank you so much doctor you saved my life! Reply? You can as we contact him for your on help email [email protected] [email protected]

A
A

We women love to overthink and analyze things from every point of view we can think of...and often it doesn't include a man's point of view.  Thank you for your insight into ways that we might be messing up because it allows us to fix it.  


Thank you for your courage, and your advice to both men and women.

klavs
klavs

Thank you - as a wife this is so helpful. 

Jen
Jen

I think my heart actually hurts.. I feel like this is spot on.

Kate
Kate

Thank-you! Reading it nodding to myself and recognising too much. I've just sent him a text telling how much I appreciate his big dreams and how hard he works to make them happen, even though it also scares me witless!

MadisonRubyRitter
MadisonRubyRitter

She sounds like a miserable person to live with and honestly this is so very helpful. I commend you for your bravery and your willingness to help others in their marriage. I'll be sure to refer to your tips when I get married someday! You are truly an inspiration.

Stephanie J
Stephanie J

Nailed it! Thank you for writing this. I think we all have a lot to learn in relationships from both perspectives. This is great.

katsmeow1213
katsmeow1213

I like it. My husband would probably have many of the same complaints, and I recognized that while reading.

BlueCassette
BlueCassette

I'm actually not really surprised there are so many negative posts on here.  It seems to me that 90% of the comments below are made by women.  Seriously?  You're going to call this gentleman a man-child when he's putting out there what most MEN are probably thinking?  I wouldn't be surprised if most of you didn't read his list of shortcomings or you disregarded the fact that he showed both sides at all. 

That said, I loved this article.  It really shows you grew from your past relationships, Dan. I hope that one day you find a partner-in-crime who can roll with the many truths you dropped on this page.

Owlette1
Owlette1

Dan, 

Reading your truths, your views, your opinions on how your marriages were - gave me an "aahhaaa" moment, or two. I appreciate your honesty, all of the time. Truly I do, it reminds me that living a lie isn't really living at all.

Peace to you and yours,

Kristine

SuzannCouts
SuzannCouts

Wow - I'm shocked at how many negative comments there are, and I only read half-way down the first page of them. I appreciate this entry... A LOT! I read the ways you botched the marriage previously when a friend shared it on Facebook. It was very emotional for me and my husband and I read it again together. I just stumbled across this today and really, really benefited from it. Although my husband is his own person and could probably write his own list of things, this shines a light. Sometimes (most times) as a stubborn, know-it-all wife, I don't really hear what he says. Reading it from a different perspective allows me to say, "wow, I think I do that." Like the period thing, the tell him how to do stuff better thing, the letting things go thing... Thank you for sharing.

Stephanie Stentzel
Stephanie Stentzel

I loved it. I am going through a divorce, and there are many things on that list i did. Eventually we fell out of love, and I can look at that list and pick out a handful of things that would have made my marriage different. I appreciate your honesty, and it puts into perspective what we can do to better our relationships before it is too late!

chiefrunningdog
chiefrunningdog

people can call this petty and shallow all they want but it is the little things that make or break a relationship. i was just reading through this for the second time and as someone who is going through a bad and i mean BAD breakup. i feel somewhat relieved to know that it wasn't entirely me. i'll admit to some of my mistakes (some of which were called out on "16 ways i blew my marriage") but all in all, i feel like in some way, this has helped me. thanks for your help dan.

CallieMendoza
CallieMendoza

When I read this I feel like it is written by a teen, he comes off sounding immature and ignorant.  If you don't love your spouse when they are gross you don't really love them.  If you need to go to parties and concerts and spend money for no reason to have fun with your spouse there is a problem.  Most of these reasons are incredibly shallow.

Lali
Lali

How does one show appreciation? If one speaks it, it's merely words. If one does one's own duty, it is merely duty. I wonder how to show a quiet, introverted man deep appreciation. Any hints?

KAllisonHand
KAllisonHand

I don't really agree to #5.  I am not sure, but I highly doubt that your ex was TRYING to make you look unattractive.  As women, we are taught to care for others, part of caring is nourishing.  I think that we never want to discourage someone we love from eating, and no matter what love them for who they are... not how they look.  Now if you wanted to be healthier, I am sure you had the choice to not eat as much as well as making healthier choices for you.  When I decide I want to loose weight or exercise more, I do it for me.  I ask my spouse if he'd like to join, and if not, that is his decision.

Michelle Mazur
Michelle Mazur

Soooo, your ex wife was the first woman you'd ever met in your entire life (or so it seems from this post)? A few of your points have validity, most, however just scream of ignorant man child mentality.

AmericaYamaguchi
AmericaYamaguchi

I do have to admit, I'd like to see a "I got permission from my exes" note in here, but I don't see one. That unsettles me. If I were them, no matter how bad of a wife I may have been, I would be hideously, horrendously offended. And by permission, I really mean full disclosure permission, that you let them read this BEFORE you posted it.

Beyond that, there are a couple points I disagree with. The menstrual cycle thing for one. Unless they were literally leaving bloody tampons all over the place (which is disgusting), partners should be able to handle the grosser parts of the other person's life. Everyone has their gross habits. My boyfriend and I make an effort not to fart in the same room as one another, I'll admit, but when I'm on my period and I want to complain (which admittedly is only when it's really bad, which is rare thanks to the pill regulating my system), he listens. Likewise, when he has body issues, I listen right back. Typically there aren't as many regular gross body issues for men, but listen. I hate feet. I cannot express how DEEPLY I hate feet. They are the worst thing in the entire world. Baby feet are exempted from this, but they hit about 3 years old, and I don't want anything to do with THOSE feet either. And yet, I will help him examine his ingrown toenails, which he gets disturbingly often, and help him take care of them, even though I literally need to hold my breath for them. His feet don't stink. I'm holding my breath so that I don't puke from touching feet. So, you know. Dealing with eachothers' health issues (and the period is one of those) is part of a healthy relationship. Is it gross sometimes? Yes. But then again, if you can't deal with that, what are you going to do if your partner ends up permanently disabled and literally DOES need help wiping her butt?

Additionally, I don't agree with how you would handle your "love language."

Frankly, you were incompatible. If she needed and thrived on touch, and you weren't a touchy-guy, then you weren't compatible from the beginning. My boyfriend and I speak the same love-language. We've been together for nearly four years, and we spoke about our "love-language" early on in our relationship. We established how important to BOTH of us touch is. Furthermore, we DO remind eachother how much we do need that touch. I have a bad habit of pulling away when I'm anxious or stressed out, but I still need him to touch me, even if I initially pull away. So I remind him. But, we still speak the same language. In fact, most of our "love-language" is touch-based. If it wasn't, we wouldn't work together. I cannot imagine a relationship in which touch is not a primary component of our relationship.

Anyways, those are my two cents (or two bucks, based on how many words I just typed, I suppose..).

Jerry Ott
Jerry Ott

I think the wonderful thing about Dan is that he post proactively in both the "HIS" and the "HER" faults. He states what HE'd do differently in both - an admirable act of humility. The bottom line is that marriage takes two. Anyone can point out a fault, be it his, hers, or both. What is important is how that is dealt with. If either or both refuse to acknowledge the subject, refuse to attempt change - and become defensive, blaming, or unreceptive...or even worse, turning to others outside the marriage - then there is a bigger problem! Marriage does take two to tango either way. No two marriages are alike, however the ones that work out share a few things in common, usually that's love, respect, communication, understanding, and most of all; effort. I say; "GO DAN!"!!! Just like with his previous article(s), there is much I can relate to and much I can't. (and I too would LOVE to hear "the other side")

jgumm
jgumm

Ummm... I am sure your wives were lovely ladies... but really... Im thinking they weren't. They sound insecure. Really insecure.

Listen, Im not saying youre perfect and obviously they aren't either but some of this is craziness. That isn't normal. It upsets me that guys have so much baggage from women who have so much baggage who have baggage from so many men. It's a vicious circle. 

Im hoping you are in a healthy relationship now. One where you can fight and it's okay, where you are appreciated and where your partner isn't crazy insecure.

Anne Schwartz Waskom
Anne Schwartz Waskom

Dan, you have great perspective!! Please keep sharing! You make the world a better place!

PLZ STOP
PLZ STOP

Gawd, you don't talk about other people like this online. *facepalm*  This is the kind of thing that should be kept private in your diary, or perhaps worked through with a psychologist. Besides, until you are in a relationship that works, or you have a degree in psychology, I wouldn't be offering advice to your former self, you know?

soyyybean
soyyybean

I generally gained new insight by reading this post, but I disagree with the post about Aunt Flo. I think it's important to be able to handle living with someone who's got to deal with periods occasionally and might want to vent about the discomfort they can cause. I agree that leaving around bloody tampons can be very gross, but almost all women bleed for a week every month and if they are having a painful time, it can be used as a way to foster more love into the marriage by offering to get her medications, getting a hot pack, etc. For example, during my time of month, my fiancee always offers me a back massage to help me deal with my terrible back pain. This makes me love him and appreciate him even more. If he had wanted me to keep my menstrual problems to myself, I would feel as if he is being unsympathetic. 

Generally it is important to be able to handle gross anatomy in ones life, mostly because the stakes are high when you intentionally make someone family. What if I get cancer and I need body parts removed, what if I end up with a colostomy bag, what if I get pregnant and a baby comes out super fast and I have it on the bathroom floor before paramedics arrive? What if I get the flu and throw up in the bed?

Also, I am hoping that the blog writer had full consent from his ex-wife before posting on this popular blog publicly. If I had  been the one to have gone through a divorce with this blog writer, reading this blog would leave me feeling very hurt or disrespected. The same points could have been given in a way that didn't directly accuse me of anything in publicly. It's noble for one to be able to self-reflect and talk about their own faults, but not when one is publicly discussing his/her discontentment about someone else. 

MichelleFreeman1
MichelleFreeman1

You hit it on the nail with the love languages.  My husband's first love language is touch and it's my last.  We had that talk because I didn't want him to think that I didn't want him to touch me or anything but I just wasn't able to handle it.  From having the kids all day all over me, working with kids and once they are all in bed, the dang cat would want to curl up on me on the couch...LOL...then my husband would want to be touched.  This was more so when the kids were younger.  I honestly don't mind a cuddle on the couch, and a hug, sneaky kiss and such...but too much was too much.  The funny thing was when he started responding to my love language I was more apt to respond to his and vice versa. Now that the kids are getting older...touch is starting to rise up in my list of love languages. :) It's funny I would feel horrible when during some girl chat with my bestie I would vent a little about how much my husband wanted to touch me, which made me sound like an absolute looney since so many women want their husband to touch them.  But anyways, we worked it out...LOL

LJP
LJP

I am sorry.  I am sorry that you had to have such unhappy experiences in marriage.  My husband and I have been married over 30 years.  Some of those years have been better than others, but that's normal human experience.  As I read through these issues, I just felt sadness that you, and I presume many other men, had to experience these kinds of hurt and pain.  My experience has been that the more I build up my husband, the more he builds me up.  The more I flatter him, the more he flatters me.  The more I love him, the more he loves me.  I'm sorry that didn't work for you.  Also, I LOVE the references to love languages.  We read that book in year 20 of our marriage because we were experiencing some pretty severe difficulties and our marriage counselor recommended the book.  It saved our marriage...and helped my relationships with our six children, to boot!

justrhina
justrhina

You were very brave to write and post this blog. Thank you for your honesty. It helps the rest of us be more honest, too. 


ShannonWhitingWilliams
ShannonWhitingWilliams

When you look back and realize that you aren't the only one that screwed up and that you learned how to stand up for yourself and work with your partner, your next relationship will be so well worth it.  Definitely agree, these are things that should not have been done in a marriage and it's sad to see people aren't willing to work with each other or see how their actions affect the other one. Sad I can see myself in some of those situations and wish I had stood up for myself in my first marriage. Too bad we don't know this from the start. 

WendilynnKerezman
WendilynnKerezman

This is an excellent list.  Another great post just like the other two posts.  You've done some amazing reflection among all of this.  Of course, that's part of growing up.   Don't feel bad about needing alone time.  When I was married, I found my ex was better to the family when I gave him that first half hour when he got home from work to himself to de-stress.   Also, he had what he called his "tune out" time.  Now, he didn't need to leave the house, but he'd lock himself in his music room and intensely listen to music for several hours.  He did that a couple times a month.   Again, he was always better for it.  So don't feel awkward about it.   The right girl will understand and it won't bug her in the least.   I also understand about the no fighting thing.  I'm also not a fighter and I can't be with someone who is.  It always turns into a power struggle and then there is no agree to disagree or even a sane understanding to solve the problem in the first place.

Barbara Bailey
Barbara Bailey

Wow, this was really eye opening for me... I can't admit to some of the things on this list. It's really hard to see it from the other persons point of view. But necessary. Thanks for this post.

Michelle Woolsey
Michelle Woolsey

I'm definitely no hater, still like the blog, still like the Dan so far as I "know" him. That being said in my opinion it is one thing to be self-reflective and air your own short-comings, and another thing entirely to point out someone else's for public view. And regardless if it's a nameless, faceless person to us, it would still suck to be on the receiving end. Yes I give respect that he recognized his faults and had the guts to share those with "us". That being said he was "driving the car" so to speak and while I have no doubt it wasn't easy to do that soul searching and revealing, a part of it probably felt cleansing as well. Nothing about this would be cleansing for her. Why not invite her (and who knows maybe he did) to write her own "ways I botched my marriage" and post it for her. I don't really understand why some people defending Dan so passionately can't see the major difference between posting his own faults from HIS perspective and also her faults from HIS perspective, that isn't truly balanced. And yes it's HIS blog and ultimately his choice, I just wonder where and when a line gets crossed. It's funny when people give their opinion and it's praise, no one says "no one asked your opinion if you love it so much then just keep reading" but if someone offers a "negative" opinion or a different perspective his defenders tell them no one asked their opinion and if they don't like it then move on. That being said that isn't Dan reacting but his fans.

TR
TR

@Mary THAT'S what you got out of it? Wow.

FiveFootFury
FiveFootFury

@CallieMendoza  As someone who read his first two posts on the subject (of what he did), I thought this was a great addition. I completely disagree about its maturity - it takes a lot of maturity to understand that relationships take life-long work. Keeping energized about this work is difficult, too. Being gross doesn't change whether or not someone loves you, but it may de-energize them. Over time, that may keep them from putting as much into the relationship, and it begins a downward spiral. 

His other posts do lend some of the context for the later items. 

I found this sentence of yours interesting, though: "If you need to go to parties and concerts and spend money for no reason to have fun with your spouse there is a problem." I would challenge that if you aren't showing off your spouse at every party or concert you can, if you don't value them enough to spend money on them for no particular reason, or if you aren't having fun with your spouse, there is a problem. 

coletterose
coletterose

@KAllisonHand Agreed. I think some people show their affection through cooking food. And if you don't eat the food... oh lord help you.

Mia45
Mia45

@KAllisonHand  as for making a spouse unattractive you'd be surprised.  I had a roommate in college who was very insecure in her relationship, sadly she was more into him than he into her.  Her boyfriend was a tall thin hansom business man and she was constantly feeding him... 1 to show she could cook and 2 to have him gain weight and not feel so 'I could go out with anybody!'.  "It's working he's starting to feel bad!" 

amylouwho
amylouwho

@AmericaYamaguchi  Actually, most couples do NOT speak the same love language & there is nothing unusual or hard about learning what the other loves & needs and then meeting those needs. BTW, just celebrated 19 happy years marriage.

wyrenyth
wyrenyth

@AmericaYamaguchi Holy crap. World revolves around me, much? Tell us how you REALLY feel, PLEASE, we're all on the edge of our seats!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111oneoneone

I understand that you disagree, but telling somebody what they should or shouldn't do - how they should or shouldn't live - is not disagreeing politely. Just because YOU wouldn't do this, or YOU wouldn't do that, or YOU can't IMAGINE this or that does NOT mean that the other seven billion people living on this planet feel the same way as you. Furthermore, just because we aren't all as lucky as you to be in a Supar Perfekt Relashunship which is all unicorn farts and fairy jizz doesn't mean that we're doing something WRONG. In fact, we're doing something supremely human.

Fact of the matter is, I'm pretty sure that Dan's exes know he blogs, and I'm pretty sure they understand that sometimes personal stuff is going to end up on the internet. I know that some people are stalkers, and may over-react, and find his ex-wives on the Big Book of Faces, and be stupid. People are stupid. I don't know either of Dan's ex-wives personally, I have no interest in knowing either of Dan's ex-wives personally (although, I wouldn't mind knowing Dan personally in a "produce handling" kind of way, if you get my drift, winky-face), so I don't judge either of his wives for past indiscretions. Because, here's another news-flash - they were just being human, too. Shit happens, people make mistakes. And those mistakes? They're okay. Yeah, it may feel like airing dirty laundry sometimes, but there's a big difference between shit-talking in a "that dumb *itch, I can't believe she did that" kind of way, and instead saying "y'know what? This was screwed up. And this is how *I* would change it."

You're super welcome to "not like" anything you like. There's a little button that looks like an X at the top of your screen. Please feel free to click it. It removes you having to make the effort to read and then fail to like something.

vision
vision

@AmericaYamaguchi  I agree! Posting something this personal about an ex or anyone for that matter.... It would hurt regardless of how long ago....

As far as grossness... we all have our gross things... it's called being human... Farts, periods ( if a guy can't handle a woman's cycle maybe he needs to not be with women seriously) toenails, bugars, coughing when sick, blowing nose, vomiting  it just is part of being in love, just like a parent wouldn't shun a child for having a zit or picking it or farting or vomiting or stinking, or bleeding... it is NO different! If you love someone you know they are human... and you take on whatever is part of being human....  I've had no issue with my partners buying tampons for me... why would they?  Just like I'd have no issue buying condoms or other male items...  But I'd have to say from my experience that it is a intimacy issue for sure.

I agree about the love language... seriously.... I have lots of love languages not just one... who has just one?  Touch is human need... I can't imagine not being in a relationship that has touch... even if it isn't the main form of love language.. 

I read the book "Attached" and sounds like an incompatible match indeed... 

but for real if a person can't handle the human body and all that comes with it... why be in a relationship...???


wyrenyth
wyrenyth

@PLZ STOP  NEWSFLASH! You don't have to like it! You don't have to be here! If Dan's wives were really so terribly upset by this, I'm sure they have legal means of making it not happen!

So until you have a law degree, I wouldn't be offering "advice" on the internet. It just makes you look like an idiot - an image, I might note, which is NOT improved by utilizing the handle "PLZ STOP".

Lali
Lali

Did ALL of you just skip the part where he wrote that this is what they messed up from HIS perspective and that he assumes theirs would be different? Or have I stumbled on to flame for fun and profit day?

Carrix2
Carrix2

@wyrenyth   Wow, you need to calm the hell down!  You have an awful lot of anger built up in that comment.  Remember this is DAN'S blog about DAN'S perspective on DAN'S life.  Don't like it?  Don't read it.  It's not about you.

aking005
aking005

@wyrenyth @AmericaYamaguchi Wyrenyth, you seem to love the hypocrisy of running your mouth.  while you tell everyone else to shut their piehole.  You yammer on like you've got something important to say and so far I haven't heard an intelligent comment come out of your mouth.  Dan posted his life and personal business on the internet for 250k of his closest fans to read in addition to those they forward/send this bullshit to.  While I know you're young and feel a sense of entitlement to your opinion, some of us feel we have a right to ours as well.  Even if it pisses you off.  So while you blow rainbows up Dan's ass and hope for a date (in the produce handling kind of way of course) some of us think what he did was tacky and ridiculous.  And a little 4th grade "Ummm...she was mean and did this to me and now I want to curl up in a ball and cry."  If this helps you great, it should be a lesson to grow the fuck up.  Those of us already grown up enough to deal with an emotional and physical relationship in the adult world are laughing our asses off because this is ridiculous.  And do you really think Dan needs you to defend him?  I picture you with a nerf sword running to his rescue.  And you're super welcome not to read the comments you disagree with.  Take your own advice.  When you get into the big boy world and play with real adults you'll find people have differing opinions everyday.  We don't throw a temper tantrum in the 'produce' aisle to get attention.  And because freedom of speech is a constitutional right (regardless of your opinion on where it's appropriate), you're welcome to take your sniveling ass to another country where they LOVE when you agree with them.  Matter of fact, they require it, kind of like you.  Korea is nice this time of year.   I'm glad you admit to being a mellow dramatic teenager, you might want to revise that to mellow dramatic adult as well.  


coletterose
coletterose

@wyrenyth oo! oo! I have a law degree! So let my give you some advice: leading an angry life is not healthy. Yay! Also, there are no names listed here so they probably have no recourse.

aking005
aking005

@wyrenyth Your anger makes you look like a raving lunatic. Just saying.  Maybe some lithium, or you know....deep breathing might be beneficial.  It's a blog, not a save the children foundation.  Relax.