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5. I often felt like she’d try to make me less attractive to others.
I think that because it made her feel more secure in our relationship, she sometimes did everything she could to make me less attractive to others. She encouraged me to take seconds, thirds, or even fifth helpings at meals. She’d encourage me to stop working out and quickly give up on any new fitness goals. She’d tell me how sexy I was every time I was getting fatter and grosser and nastier, and tell me how much less attracted she was to me whenever I got healthier or more attractive.
IF I HAD IT TO DO-OVER: I would recognize what was happening far sooner and make sure she knew just how insecure being fat and out of shape made me feel in our relationship. And in truth, I would have made sure she and I had similar views and goals on fitness before I ever got too deep with her in the beginnings of our relationship.
BONUS! When you tell me how sexy me getting sexy is, it just makes me want to get sexier… for you and only you! That may or may not include a leopard print thong and trimmed back hair.
6. Sex became so un-fun.
In the beginning sex was so fun. We both loved it. We both were cray cray horn-dogs. But inevitably, over time, sex became two things. A pawn in the game of control, and a chore. To actually get laid, I’d have to jump over all sorts of emotional and mental hurdles that she would put out there in an effort to make me always prove that sex was about us and our relationship and not about just gettin’ a piece. And that often ruined it for me and before too long I stopped wanting to try.
IF I HAD IT TO DO-OVER: I’d make one rule about sex with her. And that would be that there were no rules about sex with her. No schedules. No hurdles. No begging. Just let it happen when it happens, and enjoy the times when it is all about gettin’ a piece because those times are just as needed and usually more relationship-building anyway!
BONUS! When we keep sex fun and spicy, great stories will one day be told around the dinner table by the guests we have staying at our house who accidentally hear it.
7. I just needed her to agree to disagree sometimes.
This kind of goes with the no-fighting thing, but it wasn’t always attached to fights. Sometimes we would get into a dispute or a disagreement, and she could not let it go. I would ask to please just agree to disagree, and she could not handle me having a different view, or not agreeing with her, and she would almost always keep pushing until things got uglier.
IF I HAD IT TO DO-OVER: I would just walk away from it and give us both some space. I wish I would have known in my marriage that it was okay to simply walk away and let things cool when the other person wouldn’t agree to disagree. It’s not disrespectful to do, and it’s sometimes completely necessary.
BONUS! When we agree to disagree, we still like each other. Which is way better than the alternative.
8. Why did I need to befriend Aunt Flo exactly?
Something about periods makes me woozy. It’s always been that way for me. I don’t like hearing details about them. I don’t like talking about them. I don’t like buying her Tampons when it’s not absolutely necessary. I definitely don’t like seeing her used Tampons. Ever. And I think it’s okay that I don’t like it. It doesn’t mean I don’t respect or support or appreciate what she goes through as a woman. I do. It just means I don’t like the thought of uteral lining discharge when I think about her the same way she probably doesn’t like to think about my morning deuce when she thinks about me.
IF I HAD IT TO DO-OVER: Any time she brought up Aunt Flo in an attempt to make me appreciate it, I’d start singing old Safety Kids songs with a glazed over look and if that didn’t work I’d bust into some kick-butt 2Pac renditions.
BONUS! When you don’t make me confess affection for your monthly visitor, I am more willing to bring you flowers or chocolates to get your own mind off of it. Because I know it’s an unfun part of your life.
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