CONTINUED FROM PREVIOUS PAGEYoung scared woman portrait

  1. After I broke things off with a guy who was looking seriously at mail-order brides, I found (in my apartment) the head of a stuffed dog he got me sitting next to its body. A friend of his told me he had come into my place and removed the listening device from the dog.
  2. He told me his dad killed his mom in a fight but got away with it and it’s difficult because he knows his dad did the right thing but he still misses his mom.
  3. I have 2 cats…after our first date he emailed to ask me how long I thought it would take for my cats to eat my body if I died. Umm, what?
  4. First date… he puked after he kissed me… then he tried to kiss me again.
  5. I was 19, he was cute, smart, had a job and a car, and I thought he was a pretty good catch. Then he let it slip that he was 30…ok, no problem, really. Then it turned out he lived in his mom’s basement…well, ok, she’s a nice lady, and we all have financial issues sometimes, right? Then, a couple weeks into our whirlwind romance, I get a call from him saying he’s been at the hospital because he’s had an attack of pancreatitis, and can I come over and help him out. I rushed over and found him drunk, naked, crying over his ex wife (wait, you were married before?), and his teeth are in a glass next to his bed. (Hey, man, what happened to your teeth?) So, with no teeth in, he weeps that I’m the one to help him heal, and would I marry him? No…but, I did wait till his mom came home before running from the house.
  6. After a couple of months, he started bringing armloads of his stuff over to my house. I made it clear I didn’t want to live with him, and he almost blew a gasket. Later, he left 15 voicemails and 9 emails describing in great gory detail how he was going to cut me up and “hang me by my intestines” — among others. Including slicing my throat in the sanctuary if I showed up at the church we both attend(ed).
  7. He shushed me during sex.
  8. He took me for a drive up a canyon and told me how easy it would be to kill someone up there and how you could hide the body so it wouldn’t be found for years.
  9. On our first date he told me that his mom used to have him ejaculate into a jar and she used it as skin cream. Then he told me if I wanted some he had a few jars at his house.
  10. After 3 dates, he touched my stomach and said “soon…”
  11. “The only way I could keep someone as good as you would be to get you pregnant.”

Um.

Yeah.

Creepy.

And hilarious.

And sometimes a mixture of both. Hahaha.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he’s most known for, with more than 2 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It’s an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!