Girlfriends and Boyfriends

Girlfriends are meant to be dumped.

Boyfriends, too.

Now, before you go getting your knickers all twisted so tight that you can’t feel your own nethers, let me say this…

Fiancées are meant to be dumped, too.

That’s right.

Boyfriends, girlfriends, and fiancées… the entire reason they exist is so that they can be dumped. Broken-up with. Temporary.

Okay, now get your knickers twisted. The rest of this discussion will be more amusing to me if you can’t feel your downstairs.

And I am serious about what I said above.

Yes, I know “dumped” is a horrible word. And I want to have a real discussion about it, so I’m not going to sugar-coat this post by using only friendly “nice guy” terms for it. When you’re dating you get dumped or you dump others. That’s the truth of it, and while the ultimate goal is that you hopefully don’t… it is what it is.

Ever since breaking up with the Farmer’s Daughter more than a month ago now, I have thought a lot about girlfriends and boyfriends and what role and purpose they serve in our lives, and the best answer I have come up with is that their entire existence in my life, or in anyone’s life, is so that they can be dumped.

You know, if needed. When we start to like someone, and even fall in love, we hope it doesn’t end, but the reality is that it does and that it often has to.

And that’s okay. I mean, if you think about the standard system of lifelong commitment and marriage that almost any of us go by, this is how it tends to work.

Step one: be attracted to someone. Preferably this someone is of the human variety.

Step two: make some sort of initial contact and setup a date. And, hope that they’re not some crazy stalker murderer psycho.

Step three: start dating and continue dating because you like each other. This is the most fun part of all of dating, so enjoy the heck out of it.

Step four: become boyfriend and girlfriend (or boyfriend and boyfriend, or girlfriend and girlfriend, or, you know, whatever).

Step five: become engaged. You know, if the ring fits.

Step six: get married. This is not funny and no jokes can be made about it. Except this one:

Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, “I think I’m going to have a whisk.”

The groom broom says, “How can that be possible? We haven’t even swept together!”

Okay, that was stupid. But I laughed, and I know you did, too.

Haha. Now, if we look at all six of those steps… yes. We become depressed as singles. Oh wait. I mean, if we look at those steps, we may notice something.


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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 2 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!