Over on the Single Dad Laughing Facebook Page, I asked a simple question. “What is the most embarrassing thing your child has ever blurted out to others?” More than 1,500 of you answered.

And, just as I had hoped, you didn’t fail to deliver some of the best gut-grabbing laughs I’ve had in weeks. Here are a few of your replies…

The Most Embarrassing Things Ever Blurted Out By Kids

1. My daughter stood behind a lady who was blessed with a huge and gorgeous butt and said, “Hey mommy, you could ask her for some butt she has plenty.”

2. My daughter told my dad, her granddad, “My mama has huge tatas.”

3. I have a friend who home-schools her five kids. Her youngest was learning about the solar system and he felt that the planets should have friends. Jupiter had Pupiter, Earth had Perth, and Venus, yep, Venus had Penus.

4. My daughter used to walk around and sing, “Show me the way to the next whisky bar” in front of my very conservative parents.

5. My kids (2 & 3 at the time) were talking to a cop & they were looking at all of the things on his belt. When he got to the handcuffs, the older one said “Hey! Mommy and daddy have some just like that!”

6. At a Mexican diner, I introduced my two girls to a man I had been dating and one of them asked “What’s the hottest thing you’ve ever had?” Without missing a beat, the other daughter said “And don’t you dare say my mom.”

7. When my son was 4, I got pulled over by a state trooper. As soon as the Patrolman got to the window my son asked loudly “Why does this always happen to us?”

8. My son was about four years old and we were eating at “On The Border.” The waitress brought us the check and asked if there was anything else she could get us. My son turned around and swatted her on the butt as hard as he could and “No thanks babe, we’re good here.”

9. I took my then 3 year old daughter to the funeral of a dear friend. She’s in my lap, looking angelic, organ music playing, congregation waiting silently, tearfully for the service to begin. Suddenly Lil Daughter announces loudly, “Well, I guess that’s the end of Danny!”

10. My three-year-old was obsessed with cooking. I took her to Walmart to buy her own crock pot. She walked around telling everyone she was getting her very own crack pipe, so she didn’t have to use mommy’s!

11. While using the restroom at Costco, my son yelled out, “Mommy, are you pooping? Good job for pooping on the potty, Mommy!”


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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 2 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!