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And yes, Andrea believes fundamentally different things than I do. She might even use my help for her as a way to somehow prove to herself that her beliefs are more true. But that can’t matter. She needs help. She has it really tough at the moment. And she deserves what we all deserve. The right to believe what she believes and to use her own life experiences to form her beliefs.
She’s also my ex-wife. We have had skirmishes and will have many more before this life is done. We both have hurt that will never heal. Hurt that we gave to each other. Hurt that will always float for anyone, even if by a whisper, once a relationship goes bad. But that can’t matter. She is a person who is in her darkest hours. She has an incredible mountain left to climb. She has been through and will have trials and challenges ahead that I wouldn’t wish on anyone, all of which weren’t her fault. And, I give to my family and friends in times such as these. I give to strangers in times such as these. I must give to her in those times as well.
But all that aside and more than anything, she loves our son as much as I do. It breaks her heart to see him go through what he’s going through as much as it breaks mine. She wants my son to be as safe and secure as I do. She wants this family crisis to affect him as little as possible, just like I do. And that’s a truth I can’t deny. It’s a truth I can’t ignore.
This is all just a small snippet of the realization I have had recently.
The realization that, as much as I don’t want it to be true, the reasons I don’t do something define me as a person even more so, perhaps, than the reasons I do do something.
To withhold help, and support, and love when I can so easily give it… that says nothing about Andrea or Chappy. It says everything about… me.
And that is why I finally humbled myself and asked for your help.
She is a real person, they are a real family, and it is a worthwhile reason for as many of us as possible to give a buck or two. We all have the power to help a family going through a difficult time go through a slightly less difficult time. It’s as simple as that.
It really is.
This is what I finally understood.
And, because I understood that, and finally humbled myself enough to act on it, I can only be defined here on out by the reasons I did it, and never again by the reasons I didn’t.
So think about that. Next time you want to withhold your help, or your love, or your support for another for whatever the reason, ask yourself a simple question:
Do the reasons you want to withhold it reflect more on them or on you? And which reasons do you want defining you forevermore?
I know now what the answer was for me. I just hope I get to that answer sooner next time.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. I really hope we can have a great conversation about this today. Please leave a comment. Share your perspective.
And if you still want to donate to Andrea, Jeff, Noah, and Uriah (for whatever your reason), please do. Click here to go to the donation page. Yesterday about three thousand dollars came in donations. That’s incredible. Thank you.