Dear friends, family, readers, and all you who will come here because someone else got their panties in a twist and they want you to now get your panties in a twist…
After some really awful emails lately, I have one wish from those on the Internet this year.
I really want the 2013 holidays to be AMAZING and WONDERFUL and BEAUTIFUL around here. I want to be able to focus on service, and giving, and laughter, and chocolate, and baked goods. I want to work with the homeless, and those in need, and those who might usually have a hard time during the holidays.
And, to help make that happen, I respectfully ask (the way one jabs a flaming torch at a charging wolf) that the following ten extremist groups all take a holiday until the end of the holidays. Take a vacation. Take a break. Not from your beliefs or your causes, but from your extremeness. From your bullying, and hounding, and intimidation that you use to try and push your message. I am not talking to the passionate. I am talking to the extreme. The ones who push things too far. We all know who I’m talking about…
And if you’ll just take a break, it will make the holidays better for everyone (even you!). Guaranteed. I know it will for me.
10 Extremist Groups Who REALLY Need to Take a Holiday During the Holidays
1. Fat extremists. Yes, you. The ones who publicly decry and lambast any person (especially those in the public eye) who says that rippling abs or large shoulders or a lack of love handles is more beautiful to them. Yes, you. The ones who attack people who are trying to be healthier, and trying to look more slender, and trying hard to be less fat… and demanding that the world acknowledges that any person at any weight is just as attractive and loveable and can be just as fit as anyone else!
Look, the majority of us are overweight or fat nowadays. At least here in America. We all get that. We know that’s the world we live in. And those who are overweight often work hard and try all sorts of things not to be. And sometimes it’s hard to be overweight. In fact, sometimes it’s really hard.
We also get that some people aren’t fat. And some people love exercise. And some people love to try and motivate others with their own health success. And some people work really hard to eat right, and lose unhealthy fat off their bodies, and stay healthy.
We also get that for most people it’s not about “being skinny” as much as it is about gaining confidence and feeling more secure.
So look. Here’s the truth. The size of a person’s body does not affect the value of a person. But, the size of a person’s body, in this world we live in, does often affect how valuable a person feels. I’m part of that group (yes, chubby me), as much as I wish I weren’t. So take a vacation, please, from making us feel guilty about trying hard to get in shape and lose these unwanted pounds. Stop getting so angry when anyone with a public forum doesn’t publicly say that fatter is hotter and fatter is better and that we actually hate fat people and we don’t actually love ourselves until we give up on our goals.
2. Foodie extremists. Yes, you. The ones who publicly decry and lambast everyone’s food choices. Yes, you, the ones who feel a need to rip apart every bit of everything that other people put in their mouths. The ones who know that there is only one true diet we should all be living on. The ones who know how evil and awful the food industry is. The ones who know what every strange ingredient is on every label and feel it their need to educate the world about how we’re all slowly killing ourselves. The ones who cannot see an Instagram picture or Facebook picture of someone else’s food without saying something about how unhealthy it is.
Look, the majority of the world doesn’t care about your extremeness. We all get that whole foods are generally better. We all get that we should be eating more produce and less processed food. We all get that a lot of what we put into our bodies is unhealthy.
And, here’s the truth. We don’t want to hear it. We don’t want to be bullied into putting down EVERYTHING you deem as unhealthy because… well… not all of us want to live our entire lives never enjoying some of the incredible (albeit unhealthy) things around us. And it gets old in a hurry being told how stupid or reckless we’re being any time we enjoy something you don’t want us to be enjoying. So please, take a vacation from it until after the holidays. I really don’t want to feel guilty for all the goodness I’m about to cram down my throat. That’s what New Years guilt (that I give myself) is for.
3. Pet extremists. Yes, you. The ones who publicly decry and lambast any person who doesn’t feel the deep connection and psychological need of their pets that you do. Yes, you, the ones who make people feel like they are the spawn of the devil if they don’t treat their pets better than humans, and don’t coddle their pets, and don’t let their pets lick all over their faces, or be on the couch, or ride on their lap in the car. The ones who make people feel guilty for getting their children Christmas puppies. The ones who bully others who, for their own reasons, had to give up their pet to another home. The ones who cannot hear a story about another person’s pet without saying something about what the owner is doing wrong.
Look, the majority of the world doesn’t love their pets the exact way you do. They love their pets and they love them a lot. And they’re doing their best to be good pet owners. But in the end, most of us have no need or want to hear why the way we’re doing it is wrong, or how we don’t value our pets enough, or how if we have to for some reason get rid of them, we are awful and horrible people.
Here’s the truth. We don’t want to hear it. We don’t want to be pushed into relationships with our pets that are beyond normal for us. And, we just want to enjoy our pets and love our pets the way we best can. So please, take a vacation from your extremeness, at least until after the holidays.
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