Astonished young girl

Over on the Single Dad Laughing Facebook Page, I asked a simple question. “What is the most embarrassing thing your child has ever blurted out to others?” More than 1,500 of you answered.

And, just as I had hoped, you didn’t fail to deliver some of the best gut-grabbing laughs I’ve had in weeks. Here are a few of your replies…

The Most Embarrassing Things Ever Blurted Out By Kids

  1. My then 2 year old went through a phase where she associated crying with getting hit or hurt (she went to daycare and there were a couple of kids who had trouble with hitting). Any time I cried she would ask me if daddy hit me. We were at Disneyland and I was about 5 months pregnant and totally emotional so I started crying for some reason and my daughter yells “Daddy! Did you hit mommy again!”
  2. Walking through the bathroom vanities at Sears, my 3 year old niece announced, “sometimes my daddy pees in the sink!”
  3. I was cooking and my daughter sat on the counter beside me. As I pulled a hot fry pan off of the stove, I accidentally grazed her bare leg with it, giving her a terrible burn. A few weeks later, while in the grocery checkout with a new fry pan she says, “Mommy, please don’t burn my legs with a hot fry pan again, ok?”
  4. My daughter invited the local firemen who were grocery shopping to “pascetti” dinner. When one replied, “your mommy doesn’t want a bunch of firemen in the house.” She quickly said, “Its ok, my mommy loves firemen.”
  5. After being pulled over for the third time in a month, the highway patrolman was about to give me a warning, when my son asked, “how many times does mommy have to get pulled over before she finally gets a ticket?”
  6. We were walking through a store after my daughter’s first day of preschool, when she announced to the whole store, “my teacher has crabs!” We thankfully established that it was “hermit” crabs.
  7. My son was 4, and his dad was hurrying us home because dinner had disagreed with me. When we arrived, I jumped out of the car, and heard him yell, “Hi neighbor! My mom has to poop!”
  8. My daughter told the daycare lady ” My mom’s underwear goes up her butt!”
  9. This came out of my 4 year olds mouth after his father and I filed for divorce. “My momma has a new job. Daddy said she’s a gold digger!”
  10. When my husband was being deployed, my son kept telling everyone his dad was getting divorced. I had to explain to a lot of people that we were NOT getting a divorce.

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 1.4 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!