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Star: That came out wrong. Way wrong. Don’t do that. Just don’t care about what anyone else thinks about it.
Dingo: I just love when you say the F-word. It makes me feel more normal and I want to giggle like a kid.
Star: I save it for those times I want to put my foot in my mouth and say the opposite of what I’m trying to say.
Dingo: Okay, I’ll work on that. I just feel so pressured sometimes. But can we talk about something else?
Dingo: Not always. Sometimes you make me stay on topic. “Dan, don’t date 300,000 people at a time!” and stuff like that. Gosh, you said date who I want, and you said it right after you said not to date 300,000 people at a time. What if I want to date 300,000 people. I’m going to be in quite the mental conundrum.
Star: Don’t be a smartass.
Dingo: You’ve been my therapist for a long time. You should have clinically diagnosed me as a smartass by now.
Star: It’s in your records.
Dingo: Dang. That would have been awesome.
Star: What else did you want to talk about?
Star: What about it?
Dingo: It’s fun.
Star: I’m glad to hear that.
Dingo: Like, really, really fun. I think doing the Insanity workout has made it even better.
Star: Oh yeah?
Dingo: I don’t know. I haven’t gotten any action for a while. But I theorize and visualize and I’m pretty sure the Insanity Workout has upped my game.
Star: You’re weird.
Dingo: I know. But you’re my therapist and you’re not allowed to say that.
Star: I’m saying it as your friend.
Dingo: Thank you.
Star: You’re welcome.
Dingo: Can I talk about something else? You didn’t care about my new sex skills as much as I thought you would.
Star: We’re about out of time.
Dingo: Fine. So, tell me more of your insights on doing everything in my life alongside my fans. I’ve actually been struggling a lot with that lately.
Star: I know. And I thought they were called super peeps, Dingo.
Dingo: Now who’s the smartass?
When I go to therapy I joke a lot. Being my therapist is not without its challenges.
I’m pretty sure I actually do have good stuff going on when I make it to therapy.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. I totally took Noah on a vacation last week (airplane and everything), and none of you ever heard a peep from me about it. I did it.
It was hard.
But I did it.