“Okay single peeps, knowing that I might use it in a blog post, what is the creepiest or weirdest thing someone has ever written to you on a dating website or app?” That was the question I asked over on the Single Dad Laughing Facebook wall.

These were your hilariously creepy replies.

And by hilarious, I mean that as a whole they make me laugh. Individually, they really did creep me the heck out. Haha.

1) “I would like to introduce you to my other slaves.”

2) “I’m so glad you gave me your number… now I can stalk you and kill you.”

3) “Can you send me a picture of your teeth and feet? I love teeth and feet.”

4) I had a guy ask me if my feet had hair on them, and if they did, would I be willing to let it grow out.

5) I had an older woman ask me if I would have sex with her so her husband could watch while he was gagged and tied to a chair.

6) A guy asked me to become a sister wife because he was getting on in age and his other wives were in ailing health.

7) A guy asked me if I would be willing to let him nurse on me while he wore woman’s panties!!!

8) “Let’s start a duet band. we will wear matching tights, get around in a stolen teacup ride form Disneyland, tour coffee shops. I’ll mesmerize the hipsters with my theremin. While you blow farts into a microphone, singing David bowie covers. It’ll be a smash.”

9) “I would like to meet you face to face, you are so beautiful when you sleep.”

10) “Nice endowment.”

11) Him: My wife recently passed away. Me: I’m so sorry for your loss. How long ago? Him: Two weeks, but I’m not surprised. When I walked in the bathroom about a month ago she was standing at the sink and her uterus and vagina were hanging down to her knees. Me: Oh…wow…well, ah, maybe you may want to talk to a counselor, or someone, about that before you begin dating… I really have to go now.

12) “i am a vampire and i fly over your house and your work and watch you. if you just let me bite u i can turn u. i’ve already let my master see you he thinks you’re ready.”

13) “So I was thinking, we are clearly the two best looking people on this site and we should take advantage of it. What do you say we go to Vegas and get married then make a happy family of perfectly aesthetic children that are so awe striking they make world rulers drop to their knees and beg to pay us huge sums of money for the genetic code. Then we can live happily ever after, throwing money in the trash and partying like Charlie Sheen. As you can see I have this whole thing planned out so all you have to do after you pop out some kids is sit by the pool, drink margaritas, and get oiled up by hot pool boys all day while I conduct business. I already have the wedding booked for the Elvis Wedding Chapel on the strip so I’m really banking on you to say yes to this or I’m going to have to just find a stripper and I don’t think the plan will turn out as well.”

14) “I don’t want to frighten you away, but my wife killed two of our boys and then herself. I just like to get that out there before we waste a lot of time.”

15) “I’m a cop and I want to handcuff your wrists to your ankles.”

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