Fruit snacks. Open now.
You’re not a very good ninja, you should practice more.
Put more makeup on me and let me marry Daddy.
Don’t fart in my room when I can’t fart in yours.
You’re perfect mom, but I would like it if we had a sword fight sometimes.
I’d tell you but then you’d probably start bawling.
Mom the only way it gets better from here is if we buy an island, and play on the beach all day, looking for awesome seashells.
Maybe don’t use your voice so much.
Stop farting when you bend over.
I have a teenager. I don’t dare ask.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing