Okay, I am back blogging officially/daily, and… I shall now sum up 2013 in song. Please sing the following words to the tune of Lady Gaga’s Summerboy.
Just kidding. I wouldn’t subject you to that torture.
Actually, I would and we all know it. But in 2013, I learned to love myself enough to not subject myself to such torture as making up goofy lyrics to the best song of all time, right up there with Suzanne by Peter Gabriel (YouTube it. Your life will change forever.)
Ummm… yeah. I have mixed feelings about 2013.
It was such an interesting year of my life. Ups. Downs. Love. Heartbreak. Peace. Contention. Moments of amazingness. Moments of douchebaggery. Sickness. Health. Huge accomplishments. Missed opportunities.
I learned a few things in 2013.
I learned that love comes. I learned that love goes. I learned that some people are worth melting for. I also learned that sometimes you just have to know when to give certain people up because, today sometimes is not the day to melt.
I learned that there are mental limits to which a person can be pushed before they crack. We all know that moment because we’ve all been pushed to it in our own lives, and if you are one who can find the humor in a perfectly placed Steve Martin comedic scene full of f-bombs, you should watch this video clip before moving on… If you’ve never seen Planes, Trains, & Automobiles, Steve Martin’s character is a fairly normal and reasonable guy who just gets pushed around mercilessly throughout the movie all the way to this moment… Oh, and I’m not kidding about the f-bombs. Only watch it if you’re okay with a lot of them.
I learned in 2013 that sometimes you’re Steve Martin from that clip, and sometimes you’re the lady behind the desk.
I also learned that sometimes it’s only funny if you know the whole story leading up to your Steve Martin moment. People who only see the moment by itself sometimes just think you’re a jerk.
I also learned that some people are with you no matter what, through any faults, and through any hard times. I also learned that some people will hear a single less than ideal thing about you and desert you with many of their own colorful words on their way out. These words may or may not include, “pumpkin butt, saucy pants, smick trickler, bloatasmic, farfigdoogie, and shmookbait.”
I learned that I don’t like putting any sexual label on myself. At all. I learned this because I’ve learned that sexuality for many is fluid and that as liberating as it was to “come out” as a bisexual, it was also extremely defining and that the label itself can be a forceful jerk that can change the direction of your life in ways you don’t want to go.
I learned that money comes and goes.
I learned that there comes a time in your life when you care more about the thought and less about the gift in front of it.
I learned that “avuncular” is a real word, and a very cool word. It means, “in the manner of an uncle.”
I learned that sometimes with online recipes, it’s better to follow the recipe instead of the suggestions of the people in the comments.
I learned that Disney’s still got it.
I learned that it’s exhausting to be the perfect blogger all the time.
I also learned that some people don’t like when I show a less than perfect side of myself. They tell me to go places that don’t even exist and stick things in places that physiologically would be impossible to stick them. I know. I tried.
I also learned that I can find great satisfaction in using the “block” button on those people.
I also learned that sometimes there are people in your life for which there is no “block” button and with whom you’re eternally stuck.
I learned that avocado oil is delicious, but it makes your waffles a little crunchy.
Oh yes, it’s been a heck of a year. An up and down year. A year of finding myself, cleaning out unhealthy relationships, testing limits, and testing new personal back-shaving tools.
I learned that John Lennon’s wisest words just might have been these ones: “being honest may not get you a lot of friends but it’ll always get you the right ones.” I feel like that has been extremely true in my everyday life and also here on the inter-webs.
I learned that you can be happy and depressed at the exact same time, and that there’s nothing wrong with you when that happens. I also learned that if you ever want to induce this experience on your own, simply alternate between red and white wine one evening.
I learned not to forget to take children to the bathroom before the movie starts.
I learned that you can never assume a child isn’t listening. That’s what leads to Google image searches of things like snakes eating their own tails or questions about what certain naughty words mean.
CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE