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Happy pretty woman holding card with funny smileyThe first time someone texts you to move it from meeting to texting, do not text back within the first two hours or you look too desperate.

Do not wait more than 16 hours to text back or you look like a jerk.

Do not be the first one to send a post date text, no matter how good the date was.

If you do buckle, wait at least 24 hours.

If you just can’t help yourself and HAVE to send a post date text before then, make sure it’s short and sweet and to the point and then do not reply or say anything for at least 24-48 hours, no matter how quickly the other person responds back.

No matter what, do not call a person on the phone. Ever. It will weird them the heck out. Your fingers were meant for QWERTY not for 1234567.

Establish early on and before you meet what your intentions are. The more you can paint yourself into a corner that you can’t get out of, the better. Here are two examples of the only two ways to do it properly, based on what I’ve come to expect in recent years.

#1: “Thanks for giving me your number. Just so you know, I’m not into hooking up. I want to be treated like a princess and I want to know that you don’t just want me for my no-no naughty bits. I want you to wine me and dine me and prove that you’re a gentleman. I only date men who are in it for the long haul, who are faithful, and who will never make me jealous by never having other women around, but who are also completely okay with all of my seven thousand male friends. You must pay for all the dates from now and all time (it’s the gentleman thing to do), and you must promise me that you love me and only me for time and all eternity before I’ll commit to a date number two. If you accept all these terms, I will meet you for a five minute cup of coffee in an extremely crowded and public place on a date and time of my choosing. I will probably be late, but you better not be because my time is too precious.”

Or…

#2: “Wanna see a picture of my junk? I hope so. I already sent it.”

Then, after you’ve painted yourself into the corner, you must make it all awkward as you try and figure out how to get out to the middle ground.

“Why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

“Ummm, maybe because you made me feel like castration might occur should I do anything outside of a 1950s romance mentality.”

“Why is it all about sex with you? Why don’t you care about my feelings or what’s been going on in my life?”

“Ummm, because you sent me a picture of your junk before we ever met.”

Other rules include…

Make sure the other person knows every way you’re messed up the first time you meet. Try to outdo each other.

Be close with your mother, but not too close.

Do not still live with your parents if you are interested in lifelong immediate commitment (that’s a red flag you know!) but DO still live with your parents if you are only into hooking up (that’s just convenient because you’ll do all the driving).

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he's most known for, with more than 2 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It's an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!