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Happy pretty woman holding card with funny smileyHave entire texting relationships using nothing but memes.

Or, instead of using memes, just quote all the memes you see every day.

“Yeah, when I date, I watch how my date treats the waiter. A girl who’s not nice to the waiter is not a nice person.”

“Oh, I agree. And when I date, I look for a man who behaves like a king because only a king is going to have access to this castle.”

Of course, a few of my favorite rules also will include:

Don’t trust anyone who doesn’t have a Facebook account.

Find a fake reason to ask for your date’s address so that you can sneak to the bathroom and make sure your date doesn’t pop up on your sex offender app.

Act like you’re way too cool for each other for as long as possible.

Make lots of jokes about sex that can make it look like you think people looking for easy sex are ridiculous, but that give you enough information about your date to know if you can make the moves later that night.

Open the car door for your date sometimes, but not so often that she’s gonna expect that crap every time.

If you’re a woman, offer to pay for the first date, but make it known with your body language that you do not expect your date to oblige.

Because we’re all forgetting how to read body language, patiently wait for your date’s phone to ring half-way through dinner. If your date ignores it, your evening is going well. If she says she needs to take the call and then starts saying things like, “are you serious?!” “Oh my gosh!” and “I’ll be right there!” well… just trust me. You are the emergency that your date is trying to get away from.

Yes, these are just a few of the new rules and guidelines of modern dating, and in my opinion, they are the reason why finding lasting love is becoming harder and more tedious and sometimes more impossible.

Sigh.

Can we please just meet and see if we like each other enough for a second date?

Can we stay off of each other’s Facebook accounts?

Can we keep from doing Google searches on each other?

Can we just text each other when we feel like it and not after exactly so many hours have passed?

Can I just dial your number and call you once in a while?

Can it be okay that I don’t want to see your no-no bits in the first five texts?

If we like each other? Can we just admit it and run with it?

Can we just stop with all the games and timelines and internet discovery tactics?

It’s all wishful thinking, I know. The world has changed. The game has changed. I just hope I figure it all out before something comes along and changes it again. I can’t keep learning new systems forever. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS. I’d love your discussion on this. Obviously this is snarky and humor-driven, but whether you’re single, or have long been in a relationship observing the dating game from a far… Do you agree? Do you feel like the game has changed?

PPS. I usually don’t ask for this, but I will the next several posts. Will you please go to the SDL page on Facebook and “like” the link I shared to this post? Having been on a long break from blogging, Facebook is not showing my links to very many people at all so it’ll help get that ball rolling a little quicker for me. Thanks SO much for helpin’ a blogger out! 🙂

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he’s most known for, with more than 2 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It’s an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!