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funny-insults

  1. “I thought a little girl from Kansas dropped a house on you…”
  2. I was called a skinny whore once. I was so flattered to be called skinny.
  3. “Did you know they used to be called ‘jumpolines’ until your mom jumped on one?”
  4. “You are a sad, sorry little man and you have my pity.” ~Buzz Lightyear
  5. From my 6 year old niece… “I don’t think the snuggy jammy will fit you, you need a snuggy tent.”
  6. I worked in a call center and the customer I had on the phone was NOT very happy with the options I had given him. He said to me, “I don’t like you, I don’t like the options you’ve given me, were you raised by buffalo?” and then hung up. I laughed for the rest of my shift.
  7. When I was about 13 I got angry at my parents and called them “a couple of dildos”. I had no idea what a dildo was and I was even more mad when they both looked at each other and busted out laughing. I’m not sure where I even got that from!
  8. A kid called my daughter a nerd. She told him “a nerd means I’m smart, obviously you’re not.”
  9. My 2 year old just told me that I’m not a nice mama. I’m a “yucky cloud mama. ” Hurtful ingrate.
  10. My son, when he was 4 years old, and was very angry at me, told me: “You’re very ugly, you’re uglier than Michael Jackson after he grew up and turned into a woman”
  11. The whole family was watching Family Feud this week and one of the questions was “name something in your house that is starting to show its age?” My 9 year old son looks at me very seriously and says “you!”
  12. “I’m jealous of people that don’t know you!”
  13. Telling my son if something ever happened to me, to be happy, not sad. That I’d watch him grow & live his life from Heaven. He looks at me and says “ok, stalker!”
  14. “If ignorance ever goes up to $5 a barrel, I want drilling rights to his head.”

LOL.

Oh my gosh. I love you guys.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

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Dan Pearce is an American-born author, app developer, photographer, and artist. This blog, Single Dad Laughing, is what he’s most known for, with more than 2 million daily subscribers as of 2017. Pearce writes mostly humorous and introspective works, as well as his musings which span from fatherhood, to dating, to life, to the people and dynamics of society. Single Dad Laughing is much more than a blog. It’s an incredible community of people just being real and awesome together!