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- “I thought a little girl from Kansas dropped a house on you…”
- I was called a skinny whore once. I was so flattered to be called skinny.
- “Did you know they used to be called ‘jumpolines’ until your mom jumped on one?”
- “You are a sad, sorry little man and you have my pity.” ~Buzz Lightyear
- From my 6 year old niece… “I don’t think the snuggy jammy will fit you, you need a snuggy tent.”
- I worked in a call center and the customer I had on the phone was NOT very happy with the options I had given him. He said to me, “I don’t like you, I don’t like the options you’ve given me, were you raised by buffalo?” and then hung up. I laughed for the rest of my shift.
- When I was about 13 I got angry at my parents and called them “a couple of dildos”. I had no idea what a dildo was and I was even more mad when they both looked at each other and busted out laughing. I’m not sure where I even got that from!
- A kid called my daughter a nerd. She told him “a nerd means I’m smart, obviously you’re not.”
- My 2 year old just told me that I’m not a nice mama. I’m a “yucky cloud mama. ” Hurtful ingrate.
- My son, when he was 4 years old, and was very angry at me, told me: “You’re very ugly, you’re uglier than Michael Jackson after he grew up and turned into a woman”
- The whole family was watching Family Feud this week and one of the questions was “name something in your house that is starting to show its age?” My 9 year old son looks at me very seriously and says “you!”
- “I’m jealous of people that don’t know you!”
- Telling my son if something ever happened to me, to be happy, not sad. That I’d watch him grow & live his life from Heaven. He looks at me and says “ok, stalker!”
- “If ignorance ever goes up to $5 a barrel, I want drilling rights to his head.”
Oh my gosh. I love you guys.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing